


In Your Eyes

by indiefangirl



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Badass Rey, Eventual Reylo, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Jealous Kylo Ren, Love Triangle, My First Fanfic, Protective Kylo Ren, Side Order of Damerey, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-09-18 10:48:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 49,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9381212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indiefangirl/pseuds/indiefangirl
Summary: After months of training with Luke, Poe decides Rey needs to have some fun on her birthday. But a romantic trip in paradise soon turns into a fight for survival when Rey is kidnapped by Kylo Ren, the monster that has haunted her since Starkiller base. When the pair crashes on a desert planet, though, they have to work together to survive. Something begins to change in Kylo, and Rey starts to see the light shine through the darkness.Torn between two men, the man that saved her heart and the man she redeemed, Rey will make a choice. And find herself in the process.------This is my first fanfiction, so feedback is greatly appreciated!





	1. Home

        Rey has never been as happy, as safe, as cared for as she is on the small, jagged island that has become her home over the last few months. The sea gulls crying out in the morning while she meditates, the harsh rise and fall of the ocean as it crashes on the shores of Ahch-To, and the feel of the moist mountain grass always cushioning her feet, keeping her grounded, are a part of her life now. Something as necessary to her existence as breathing. Luke, once a legend she heard whispered over campfires while trading parts, has now not only become a real, live person, but her mentor. _Her_ jedi master. And herself, once a lonely scavenger fighting to survive and yearning for a family, has now become a jedi apprentice. A member of the Resistance. And supposedly, the key to the only battle there is, the only battle there ever has been: between the dark side and the light (at least, that’s what she keeps being told). To say that it’s a lot of pressure, especially for someone who wanted nothing else but to live a small, hard earned life on Jakku until her family finally returned, is an understatement.

        Luke’s practice saber crashes against hers as she fiercely attacks, trying to keep up with his fluid, graceful moves. They’ve been training with wooden sticks for a while, Luke refusing to use real sabers until she learns how to stop relying solely on her survival skills and starts becoming one with the force. Of course, in her mind, this doesn’t make any kriffing sense. Was it just survival skills that got her out of Starkiller base in one piece? But she doesn’t dare complain to Luke...she knows their relationship is fragile in a way, and Luke is still wary of having a new apprentice. So she does her best to muster as much patience as she can, and try to wrap her brain around her master’s confusing instructions.      

      Rey spins and the two wooden sticks meet again, the sound echoing through the mountainous island. After completing what seemed like a well thought out move, Rey realizes she’s left her top half open for attack, and quickly dives down, rolling across the grass before Luke can strike her. Despite her ferocity, Luke meets her at every turn, every attack, forcing her to lose precious ground until she’s almost at the edge of the cliff. When their sabers lock together, Rey can’t help but be transported to that snowy night when she fought what seemed like death itself. His words echo in her ear... _You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the force._ It's almost as if he’s standing next to her now, whispering into her ear. It leaves her trembling and wondering if he could be in her mind now. Before shaking the memory away, she’s reminded of one more thing.

      Closing her eyes, she reaches out, feeling the Force surrounding her and every living thing on the island. She feels her soul intertwining with the light not only around her, but inside of her, and filling her with a strength that can’t be described with words. Suddenly she is flying, dancing through the field with grace and precision, her saber an extension of her very being. And then Luke’s saber is in her hands, and the battle is over.

     “Well done, Rey. This is what I’ve been trying to make you understand. Only with the Force can you truly fight with a lightsaber. I am very proud of you, my Padawan,” Luke says, patting her shoulder affectionately.

     “Thank you, Master Luke.” Rey beams, feeling a warmth inside of herself that she’s only ever felt since meeting Finn. Part of her knows he probably went easy on her, but that doesn’t diminish the pride and the exhilaration she feels at connecting with the Force.

      _He can be infuriating, but he is one hell of a teacher_ , she thinks.

     Her thoughts are interrupted by the distinct sound of what could only be one ship landing. The Millennium Falcon.

     Rey turns to Luke, silently asking his permission to leave their practice and go to the south side of the island, where she knew the ship would be landing.

     He nods at her, chuckling under his breath at her obvious excitement.

     Without waiting a moment more, she sprints past him, unable to keep her joy under control. Running by their stone huts, she takes the ancient stairs three at a time, briefly reminded of the first time she climbed them, when she knew her destiny could lie with the man at the top. Rey reaches the end of the steps, and refusing to stop to take her breath, turns the corner to see the Falcon in all of its glory. The ship is just powering off, so she’s not too late to ambush them with a surprise hug.

     As soon as the door opens, and he gets out, Rey rushes at the former stormtrooper, the man who became her first friend and came back for her despite all the danger and consequences.

     “Well I missed you too,” Finn says jokingly, laughing into her hair and pulling her close. They reluctantly separate, still giddy as two reunited children. But then she turns around and-

     There _he_ is.

     Somehow he is more handsome than ever, giving her that cocky grin she just can’t seem to get enough of. His eyes seem to radiate happiness and something else when he spots her, something that makes the very core of her tremble.

     Without any rational thought they’re wrapped around each other, kissing with a passion that seems uncontainable. Her hands are lost in his dark hair, roaming across his back, while his wrap around her waist and caress her cheek. Finally, when it seems they’ll be consumed by their kiss, he pulls back and they’re both left panting for air.

      Poe’s hand is still on her waist, keeping her close. “Hi, Ace.”

      She giggles at the affectionate nickname, feeling overwhelmingly like a schoolgirl. “Hi to you too.”

      While trading stories of recent missions and jedi training, the three make their way up the steps. The whole time, Rey can’t keep her eyes of Poe. His mouth. His hair. The way his carefree laughter seems to brighten even the darkest of places. And she can’t believe that after everything, she’s found someone like him. Someone who when it seemed no one else could, teared down everyone of her walls with a single kiss.

      When they make it back to Luke, Finn is halfway through telling her about a near death encounter with a Rancor. By the way Poe rolls his eyes, he’s probably exaggerating most of it, but Rey loves listening to his larger than life stories.

      The greetings with Luke are awkward, as they’re hard not to be with the last living Jedi.

       “Master Luke, sir, it’s umm...very good to see you again. Have you, uh, been working out?” Poe stutters, trying to retain his cool and confident self.

       Luke waits patiently for Poe to collect himself. He knows there’s some kind of request coming. Because when Poe attempts to flatter him, there’s always a request.

       “So, as you may know, it's Rey’s 20th birthday. A very, very important birthday, if you ask me,” Poe winks at Rey before continuing, “And I think that with all this jedi training, Rey deserves a little celebrating, don’t you think?”

        _He remembered_. Under all that smooth, sometimes annoying, confidence, Rey realizes there’s a hopeless romantic. How the hell did she, the stubborn survivor from Jakku, end up with a hopeless romantic?

       Before Luke can respond, Poe gives a couple last ditch attempts at persuasion, “It would only be for a day, and we wouldn’t stay out too late, and we would keep her safe, and we won’t go too far and-”

      “Poe,” Luke interrupts, “who am I to stop you kids from having a little fun? Go ahead, you probably need it.”

      Finn and Poe let out simultaneous sighs, and after a quick goodbye, start heading down to the Falcon to prepare for the trip. Rey always loves seeing the surprise on people’s faces when they realize Luke isn’t some grumpy old man.

      “Listen Rey, I want you to enjoy yourself, but do know that you’ll have to remain focused when you return, perhaps even more so than before. You’re training has just begun.”

       “I understand, Master,” she quickly says, a response that she’s said so many times it now comes without thought. She begins to turn away as he adds, “Happy birthday, Rey.” And Rey has a feeling that it’s going to be a very, very happy birthday.


	2. Paradise

    When Rey steps inside the Falcon, it’s like returning to a childhood home...or at least what she thinks it would be like. There’s a sense of bitter sweetness of being back on the ship...it’s a reminder of Han Solo, the father she never had, and how his death still haunts her. But this is also the first place that ever made her feel like she belonged, and she thinks that Han wouldn’t want his death interfering with that.  
    When Rey steps into the cockpit, itching to finally pilot the Falcon again, an amused smile creeps onto her face when she sees Poe in _her_ seat, pretending to fiddle with a thruster.  
    “Um, just what do you think you’re doing?” Rey feigns annoyance, but really she loves the endless affectionate banter between the two of them.  
    “Piloting, as I am only the best pilot in all of the Resistance. At least that’s what everyone says…” Poe smirks, and Rey isn’t sure if she wants to slap him or snog him right then and there.  
    “And I’m a Jedi Master,” she says sarcastically.  
    Poe shrugs, and continues to play around with different pieces of equipment, completely ignoring her. And he knows full well just how annoying he’s being. _Nerfherder_.  
    Rey changes her strategy, instead batting her eyes and sweetly saying, “Well, it is my birthday, and I heard that birthday nights can be extra special. Guess I was wrong.”  
    Poe smiles at her, in a way that makes her feel like she’s the only girl in the world. He quickly jumps up and ushers her into the pilot seat. “Guess I had the wrong seat.”  
    Then he leans in and hotly whispers into her ear, “Trust me, tonight will be special.”  
    Blushing, Rey playfully elbows Poe, and he sits down in the copilot seat without taking his eyes of her.  
    “So where to?” Rey starts powering up the navigational system, waiting for coordinates.  
    “It’s a surprise,” a laughing voice says behind her. Finn stands at the entrance of the cockpit, amusement written all over his face. “While you lovebirds are...enjoying yourself, I’ll be taking a nap.”  
    Once Finn has left, Rey turns to Poe and whispers, “I wonder how much he heard.”  
\------  
    If paradise existed, it would be right here on this planet. A tropical breeze runs through Rey’s hair, which falls in loose curls around her shoulders, free from her usual trio of buns. It pleasantly offsets the heat, while palm trees and colorful flowers greet her curious eyes at every turn. She can see a marketplace in the distance, the pleasant smells and sounds of trading and laughing filling her ears and making her mouth water. In front of her is a small forest of vibrant greens and reds and blues that obscure her view from other surprises Marawai might have in store. They’ve arrived just minutes ago, but Rey has already fallen in love with this small, colorful outer rim planet.  
    “So what do you think?” Poe murmurs in her ear from beside her, gently tucking a flower into her hair.  
    “I think that I have no clue how you’re going to get me to leave this place,” Rey says, smiling at Poe and relishing the way his embrace makes her feel. “And,” she shifts in his arms so she can look him in the eye, “I think I love you.”  
    Suddenly she’s off of the ground, Poe spinning her in the air before finally dropping her back down again. He kisses her with fire, in a way that says _I am yours and you are mine_.  
    Once they’ve separated, out of breath, Finn approaches with a backpack slung over his shoulders. “You guys good to go?”  
    “Yeah,” they both say too quickly, still panting and on a high from their kiss.  
    Finn rolls his eyes, muttering something under his breath about Poe’s pants. “Well, then, come on. The day’s just beginning.” Slinging an arm around Rey’s shoulder, he starts to set off towards the forest ahead, Poe following close behind.  
    After a few moments of walking, the forest begins to thin out, opening up towards something she still can’t see. Birds lazily flit by, floating from plant to plant, making Rey wish she had wings. And suddenly the roar of an all too familiar sound fills her ears, and she’s standing in front of clear, sky-blue ocean that seems to go on forever.  
She turns to Poe, still in disbelief, jaw no doubt hanging open in awe.  
    “You always said that you wanted to go to a real beach, see an ocean that makes you feel lazy and free all at the same time. Well,” Poe says, turning her back towards the beach, “there’s your ocean.”  
    Before she knows it, she’s stripping off her jacket and boots, and heading towards the water without a second thought. It greets her with as much excitement, the warm current turning and twirling around her. Fine sand squishes between her toes, nothing like the harsh sands of Jakku. The ocean reminds her of the Force, the way it embraces her and, when it seems she might drown in it, always keeps her floating.  
    Rey is happily lost in the moment until a spray of water flies into her face, temporarily blinding her and leaving a salty taste in her mouth. She whips around to see Finn, guilt written all over his face. He raises his hands innocently, knowing he’s started a battle he can’t win.  
    As Rey starts splashing back, giggling as Finn dives underwater to protect himself, a blast of water hits her from behind.  
    She arches an eyebrow at Poe, who now shares Finn’s guilty face. “Really?”  
    Water and laughter is everywhere as Rey soaks both guys, maybe (definitely) using the Force to hit them with perfect precision.  
    “Okay, okay, I surrender.” Poe puts up his hands defensively when Rey eyes him, not fully convinced. Sweetly, he comes up to her, putting his arms around her waist and leaving goosebumps everywhere he touches.  
    And then Rey is up in the air, kicking and squealing, as Poe pulls her up and out of the ocean. Just as suddenly, he throws her back in. Now submerged in the tropical water, Rey swims back over to Poe, grabbing his feet and pulling him underwater with her. But when they both come up, breathless, laughter is replaced with passion as they share a brief kiss, unable to resist each other. There is something about the way drips of water roll over Poe’s defined stomach muscles that makes butterflies flutter in Rey’s stomach.  
    For what seems like a lifetime, the three play in the water, overcome with friendship and love and happiness. In a way, it's the perfect moment. The perfect birthday.  
    Eventually they return back to shore to change into dry clothes, and once Rey wrings out her hair and brushes it back into a ponytail, hunger sets in. The smells of the market are all too inviting, so without much thought, Rey, Finn, and Poe start walking towards the vibrant life ahead. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Thought I would post one more chapter tonight since I'm so excited about this fanfic. I have almost eight chapters written, so let me know if you liked it and if I should keep writing.  
> Btw, Kylo Ren will be coming into it very soon. Get ready for the angst ;)


	3. Enemy

   The market almost overwhelms Rey’s senses. The bustling people, loud bargaining, exotic foods and clothes, and on top of that, the exciting feel of Poe’s hands in hers, are almost too much to process. They stop by any and every stand, trying on bizarre hats and eating creatures that Rey had never even heard of. All the while, Poe keeps his eyes on her, always making sure she’s having fun and not being too intimidated by the business of the market.   
    Rey drags Poe over to one stand selling bright sugary drinks in different neon colors. They look delicious and almost too ridiculous, exactly the way Rey likes them. After choosing a neon green drink in a sparkly cup, Poe pays for the two of them and leads her over to a bench in a less crowded area. Finn is already standing next to it, accompanied by an elegant woman, and Rey tries desperately not to laugh at his all too obvious (and awkward) attempts at smooth flirtation. After an inevitable slap spurred by a failed compliment Finn tried to give, one that...well, could be easily misunderstood, he joins them on the bench.  
    “I still don’t understand. What did I do wrong?”  
    Rey shakes her head at him and laughs. “Everything.”  
    Beginning to sip on her drink, Rey feels the hint of something in her mind...something dark. A presence. One that she thought she had gotten rid of.   
    It startles her out of her blissful happiness, but Rey continues to contribute to the conversation, chalking up the unpleasant feeling to a spoiled ingredient in her drink. “Yes, yes. I love this, trust me. You guys can drive me crazy, but you sure know how to celebrate.”  
    Poe chuckles under his breath and then unexpectedly leans in close. Rey meets him halfway, pleasantly surprised by the sudden kiss. His hands tangle into hair and-  
   Suddenly she hears that sound, the distinct crackle of a lightsaber that has haunted her dreams. It is accompanied by a shrill scream, and Rey feels fear seep into the air. Quickly, she breaks away from Poe and whips around to see _him_.   
    _Her_ _enemy_.  
    _Kylo_ _Ren_.   
    He’s not wearing his mask, no doubt destroyed at Starkiller base, but his face still sends shivers down her spine. A thin, angry red scar extends from the left side of his forehead, across his nose, and down to his chin. It’s scary by itself, but a scarier thought is that she gave it to him. She had the ability to cause such damage. His hair, long and dark, messily flies around his face in the wind, and short and labored breaths are audible even from where she sits. His lightsaber, still burning as fiercely and undeniably red as on that snowy night, is ignited by his side. And that’s when she sees the destruction around him, several stands charred and broken into wooden shards with their possessions strewn across the floor and their owners fleeing. And when she realizes that black, consuming anger is coming from him, radiating from his Force signature in waves that make her feel sick to her stomach. It almost feels like jeal-  
    “Rey, we got to go. Now!” Poe yells at her, jerking her back into her senses. He grabs her arm and pulls her, away from Kylo and away from the dark.   
    As they sprint through the market, Rey glances behind her, seeing the glint of white helmets. A lot of them. Poe grabs her just in time to avoid a laser blast, and Rey thinks she hears a deep, enraged voice in the distance say something about not harming the girl.   
    Finn runs beside them, his eyes darting around, watching out for incoming stormtroopers. “The First Order must’ve tracked us...but we were so careful. I-”  
    “Finn,” Poe interrupts, “I need you to go get the Falcon. If we split up, we might be able to divert some of the calvary.”  
    Finn glances at Rey, worry etched into his face. “But Rey-’  
    “I’ll keep her safe. I promise.”  
    With one final nod, Finn sprints away from them and towards the awaiting ship. In the moment, Rey can’t help but wonder if that could be the last time she’ll ever see him.   
    Poe leads her past fruit stands and confused sellers, and Rey feels like it's all happening in slow motion. She can feel him, in her head, calling out to her with the Force, and she shivers involuntarily. And she knows that this time, she can’t outrun him. Those dark eyes will follow her to the ends of the galaxy unless she faces him. Unless she finishes him.   
    As Rey and Poe dive past another laser blast, one of few since the first, they are confronted with two stormtroopers, blocking their only escape path. In an instant, Rey has her lightsaber in her hands, ignited, and ready to fight. Poe on the other hand is unarmed, and with the overwhelming urge to protect him at all costs, she pushes him behind her, guarding both of them with the lightsaber.  
    Rey strikes down the first stormtrooper before he can even raise his blaster, her saber a flash of deep blue clashing against the trooper’s stark, white armor. The second trooper proves more of a difficult fight, as she has to deflect several shots from his weapon before she can even get in an attack. However, aware of the ever closer presence of her pursuer, she takes him down quickly with two more clashes of her lightsaber.   
    This time she grabs Poe’s hand and leads him away, his eyes still wide and proof of his shock at her skill as a fighter. She pulls him towards an empty alleyway, perhaps the only opportunity they have at losing Ren and the First Order. If Finn was piloting the Falcon now, and he spotted them, then they’d be home free. And maybe she wouldn’t have to face him. Maybe she could go back to Luke, back to her _home_ , and stay perfectly ignorant to the danger she’s in a little longer.   
    But then she hears the distinct thud of marching stormtroopers, and five appear at the end of the alley. It would take too long for her to fight them, and with Poe still without a weapon... _Okay_ , Rey thinks. _New_ _plan_.  
    Poe still in hand, she turns around, and she’s greeted with an even worse sight.   
    Kylo Ren, looming over her, blocking their exit out of the alleyway. His eyes darken at something, and Rey realizes he’s staring at her and Poe’s hands, still intertwined. The anger coming off of him is no longer in waves, but in a full fledged storm. With each step taken sending more panic through her body, he slowly and purposefully makes his way towards the pair.   
    Poe suddenly throws her behind him, blocking her body with his own. “Stay away from her!”  
     _Idiot_. _Doesn’t_ _he_ _know_ _he’s_ _unarmed_?  
    The deep timbre of Kylo’s voice cuts through the tension filled air. “When did you start needing other people to fight your battles?” He says it mockingly, in an almost childish way, but it still strikes a nerve.   
    “I don’t.” Surprise takes over both Kylo and Poe’s faces at her small but strong voice as she steps in front of Poe, like they’d forgotten she was there.   
    Igniting her lightsaber, Rey let's all other distractions fade, including Poe’s desperate protests, and focuses solely on Kylo. There’s something off about him...the walls are down, even in her access to his mind, letting his emotions run rampant. This she can exploit. Closing her eyes, she reaches out to the Force, letting it flow through her, filling her with serenity and strength. When she opens them again, Kylo’s eyes are boring into hers, a certain wonder in them, almost as if she’s a mystical creature he’s stumbled across and is afraid to disturb. For a moment, she wants to reach out to him, try to convince him to come home like Han did. But it's the thought of Han that reminds her that this man is a monster. He’s gone too far.   
    So without a second thought, she charges, allowing the Force to guide her every movement. When their lightsabers clash for the first time, sending purple sparks flying, she feels exhilarated and powerful. Every attack she parries with grace, utilizing Luke’s lessons on balancing her ferocity with skill and precision. Kylo, on the other hand, is nothing like how she fought him last. He’s just as powerful, but his confident, calculated movements are now overshadowed by his anger.   
    As they continue to battle, their steps becoming an almost rhythmic dance, Rey catches Poe in his own fight from the corner of her eye. Somehow he’s gotten a blaster, and he’s trying to hold off the five stormtroopers that blocked their way before. She wants to run to him, help him fight, but she knows, _the_ _Force_ _tells_ _her_ , that she can’t run away from her own problems. And, at least, Poe seems to have it covered.   
    Eventually, exhaustion creeps into everyone of her muscles as the battle drags on. But she somehow still feels strong, and suddenly she’s gained the upper hand. Spinning and twisting and attacking, she forces Kylo back into the other end of the alley, where Poe is finishing off the last stormtrooper. Knowing that this now leaves Kylo outnumbered, and with her already having the upperhand, she allows herself to internally give a sigh of relief. It will be over soon.  
    But then all of the sudden, he backs away, lowering his lightsaber and reaching out with his opposite hand. For a second, Rey is completely confused. Her eyes wander to where Kylo’s arm is reaching out to, and there's Poe, choking on an invisible force around his neck. Panic sets in, and it feels like it's her who’s choking.   
    “Surrender or I kill him.” His voice is malicious, sharp enough to cut like a blade.   
    Rey can’t think. She can’t breath. She extinguishes her lightsaber because it's the only thing she can do.   
    She’s about to speak when a sudden, searing pain shoots through her leg, and she collapses on to the floor. It's like her entire world has become hurt. It's all she can feel. Stars dance in her eyes, and through the ringing in her ears she can just barely hear yelling.  
    “....not harm the girl!”  
    “Sorry, sir, I-”  
    The sound of a lightsaber, and pure rage.   
    “No one else touches the girl but me!”  
    She’s weightless, floating, cradled by a darkness she wants to curl into.   
    And then silence. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you guys think of Kylo Ren? I'm really excited to explore the relationship between him and Rey in the following chapters.  
>  Btw, I hoping to post a new chapter every couple of days, depending on schoolwork. But this is my first fanfic, so I'm a little new to all of this :)


	4. Dream

    _Poe smiles at her from across the table, the cafeteria around them crowded with Resistance pilots and officers taking the rare opportunity to chat and laugh. Lunch time is always busy in the base on D’Qar, but there’s a certain buzz in the air. Then again, it could be how nervous she is, an inevitable feeling when she’s with Poe. He’s sitting across from her on the metal table, laughing at something she had just said, his mouth upturned in an openmouthed grin. And she finds herself staring, memorizing his every feature. Again._  
_She can’t even remember when it started...maybe when he saved her life on Coruscant from a bounty hunter. Or when she barged into his room late one night, angry about something and prepared to speak her mind about it, only to be left speechless by a surprised and very shirtless Poe. What she does know is this feeling is kriffing annoying. The daydreaming, the blushing, the nervousness...It leaves her shaky and stuttering and everything but the strong, stubborn woman she’s been forced to become. Rey doesn’t (and won’t for that matter) rely on anyone, especially not cocky men with leather jackets._  
_And it doesn’t matter anyway. He wouldn’t be interested in someone like her._  
_Suddenly feeling oddly irritated at the thought, she leans over and grabs Poe’s chocolate dessert, immediately digging in without a glance at him._  
_“Hey, what was that for?” Poe’s chuckling, somehow misunderstanding her clear annoyance for playfulness. Who does he think she is? One of those dainty, young officers, following him around like a lost droid? Ugh._  
_Rey makes sure to add an extra layer of bitterness to her voice. “You eat too slow. You know there’s some people here who haven’t been playing perfect hero since they were born, and were instead starving on a junkyard planet without any family.” She’s breathing hard, barely holding herself to the seat against the instinct to jump up and run away. She doesn’t want these feelings. She doesn’t want him to have this kind of control over her. She just wants Poe to...do something. Push her away like everyone else in her life has._  
_Her eyes remain glued to the metal table, refusing to see the hurt in Poe’s eyes. It’s his voice that finally makes her look up._  
_“Have you ever flown an X-wing?” His face is soft and open, nothing like the smooth, confident Poe she knows, and nothing like she expected to see._  
_“What?” Rey’s stupefied, reaching for words she can’t just seem to find. “Umm, well….uh, no.”_  
_“Well, come on then.” Suddenly he’s grabbing her arm, pulling her out of her seat and away from the table. What the hell does he think he’s doing?_  
_She’s about to yank her arm away from him, and snap something about the fact that he’s an arrogant prick, but something about the eagerness in his eyes makes her resist. They’re dark brown and have this sort of spark in them, the kind of eyes you could get lost in if you looked too long. She follows them all the way to the north hangar, feeling an inevitable, small smile creep onto her face at the determined pilots running back and forth, starting up the roaring engines of their ships._  
_Poe places a too large helmet on her head, and it's odd how it makes her miss those quiet moments on Jakku, eating her small rations and pretending to be someone she thought she’d never be. A strong hand grips hers and pulls her up into the X-wing. The cockpit is small and stuffy, but she can picture how one could become attached to it. Poe starts settling into his seat in the front, running checks and preparing for take off like it's the most natural thing in the world._  
_A crackly voice in her intercom breaks through the deafening roar of the fighter. “You ready for this, Ace?”_  
_“Ready.”_  
_After they finally land, Rey stays in her seat, staring at her shaking hands. She just did that. Every cell in her body is filled with excitement and exhilaration, and she feels completely and truly alive. Her eyes close and she pictures being back up in the air, feeling more powerful than she ever had in her life, soaring across a clear blue sky._  
_When she climbs back down to the ground of the hanger, she’s swept up in all of it, still half-living in the experience she just had._  
_And then she sees Poe, pulling off his helmet, shaking out his jet black hair. He’s turning around, turning to her, about to say something and then stopping himself. In that moment, it’s just the two of them. No bustling Resistance pilots. No wars or battles or the fate of the galaxy resting on their shoulders. No more walls holding back emotions begging to be let free._  
_Her legs quickly carry her to him, and before she knows it, they’re kissing. Neither of them will ever know who kissed who. Perhaps they met each other halfway, like they always did, like they always would._  
_His lips are soft and gentle on hers, but still passionate, and she responds in turn, parting her lips slightly. He caresses her cheek, a whisper of a touch, and tucks a stubborn piece of hair behind her ear. He tastes like warmth, freedom, home, and she wants this moment to last forever. Then suddenly they’re moving, bursting through the door to Poe’s room. And although every muscle in her body is screaming at her to run or to fight him, to not let him in, she finds herself relaxing in his embrace._  
_Her fingers run through his hair, but its longer, shaggier now. His lips are still as soft, but somehow different...more powerful. She finds herself moaning into his mouth, overcome with need. His hands find her waist, pulling her close and making her feel small against his tall, muscular frame. This is not Poe. She jerks back, confused._  
_Pitch black eyes meet hers._  
_Kylo Ren._  
   

    Rey wakes with a start, eyes blinded by a harsh overhead light. Everything is covered with a haze of pain, leaving her lightheaded and with the urge to drift back into the darkness. Tentatively stretching out her hands, she realizes she’s on a small cot. Four metal walls surround her, confining her, making her feel incredibly claustrophobic. The room around her is bare, besides one thing.  
    Kylo Ren, the man she had been dreaming of. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Duh, duh, duh...;)  
> Sorry that this chapter is so short, but I've just kind of been going with the natural flow of the story, and I really wanted to show the history of Rey and Poe's relationship.  
> Also, thanks to everyone for their lovely comments. It really means a lot!


	5. Monster

    _Run, run, run_ , her body screams at her. Despite the protesting of her leg, Rey viciously thrashes against the restraints that tie down her wrists and ankles. Kylo only silently watches her from across the small room, making no move to stop her violent struggle, acting like she’s no threat at all. Oh, she wants to show him how wrong he is. But eventually, realizing the attempt is futile at best and self-damaging at worst, she stills, focusing on deep, calm breaths. Escape could wait. For now, she just wants to rest.  
    “Why am I here?” Rey tries desperately to keep the fear out of her voice, but it comes out as a pathetically hoarse whisper.  
    “You’re injured,” Ren states simply, keeping his face bare of any emotions.  
    “Yeah, I know,” Rey mutters under her breath. She shifts her body to try to get a better look at him, and a shock of pain ripples through her. Grimacing, she clears her throat, and with it hopefully any trace of her discomfort and weakness. “But why am I _here_? What do you want with me?” She pauses, and attempts to reach out to him through the Force, read his thoughts. Nothing. She’s scared and pissed, so she does the one thing she knows how to do: lash out. “You must be desperate, trying to find _Master_ Luke,” Rey makes sure to emphasize her connection with him, “but I’m not telling you anything. Guess you’ll have to keep disappointing Snoke.” It's a risky move, trying to agitate Kylo until he slips up, but it feels good to spit the words at him.  
    The tension in the air is almost palpable. When he finally speaks, his voice is strained. “That man is no master. He _will_ disappoint you.” _Like he disappointed me_ she hears him whisper in her head.  
    “And you would’ve been a better one?” She snaps back, remembering his oddly desperate offer on Starkiller base to be her teacher. He could’ve killed her as her body had dangled helplessly over the edge of the cliff, but instead he has wanted to help her. The memory haunts Rey, and she wonders if it haunts him too.  
    There is a silence between them, deep and impenetrable. Neither of them moves a muscle, and Rey can hear a soft mechanical whur, perhaps that of a ship. Deciding to take advantage of the quiet moment, Rey studies Ren. He’s a completely different person than she encountered on Marawai. He’s stoic, calm, more statue than man, and it's making her feel uncomfortable...like she’s being scrutinized by a machine. But she can’t help but stare at the sprinkle of moles on his nose and cheeks. She noticed them the first time she was held captive by the First Order, and for some odd reason, that small detail on his face made him more human in her eyes. In that interrogation room, she could almost see traces of a lost, lonely boy under all that darkness. Looking at him now, though, she knows Kylo has crushed that part of him. Or perhaps it died when Han did.  
    She also can’t help but think of the dream, how her mind could come up with such a peverse thing as her...with him. And then she realizes.  
    “How did you get into my head?” Rey feels betrayed, violated. Invading her mind is one thing, but twisting a memory of Poe like that...it makes her sick to her stomach. But what did she expect from a monster?  
    “Protecting your mind. Yet another thing Luke,” he snarls the name, “has failed at teaching you.”  
    _But I stopped you before, on Starkiller Base...I pushed back._  
    “That was before the Force bond.”  
    “The Force bond,” Rey whispers in confusion. What the hell was he talking about? But that's when Rey realizes Ren just answered a thought she never said aloud.  
    Ren sighs heavily, almost with disappointment. Like she’s disappointed him. In the process, a few strands of dark hair fall in front of his eyes. “Haven’t you felt it? We’re connected by the Force. We have been since we fought on Starkiller Base.”  
    “When I beat you on Starkiller Base,” Rey mumbles under her breath, unable to help herself.  
    “And look where that got you.” His voice is vicious, making her feel small and weak. “You’re injured. Here. With me.” He gets up from his chair, beginning to slowly circle her like a predator stalking his prey. “All alone...no Rebel scum to protect you. And soon...you’ll be delivered to my master.”  
    _No, no, no_. This can’t be happening. A shiver runs down her spine at coming face to face with Snoke. Rey knows she’s strong...but strong enough to withstand the man that brought the galaxy to it’s knees? She finds herself shaking her hand involuntarily, blinking back tears as she silently pleads with Kylo. _No_.  
    Ren’s face softens, but only for a second. And then the callous, unfeeling facade is back. “He will not kill you.”  
    Rey is barely listening to him. She’s gone cold all over, her hands trembling. Whether it's from the pain in her leg or sheer fear, she can’t tell.  
    His hushed voice makes her jerk back into reality. “I’ll make sure of it.” He’s not looking at her, like he’s off in his own world as well. He finally glances over at her small, shaking form. A flash of worry take over his features, and she can feel his presence in her mind, which she now recognizes as their Force bond (if what he said is true). She knows her mind is screaming one thing: COLD.  
    “Damn stormtroopers don’t understand temperature,” Ren says to himself, then starting to head out the door, he turns around to face her. “I’ll get you a blanket.”  
    For a moment she’s left alone, cold and confused, and pondering the odd interaction they just had. When he returns with a black, wool blanket, which he gently drapes over, she can’t help but blurt it out.  
    “Why do you care so much about my safety? Why would you care if I lived or died?” She searches his face, but it remains blank, void of emotion.  
    He continues to adjust the blanket around her, not showing any sign that he even heard Rey. Seemingly satisfied with the blanket, he finally speaks, “Tomorrow I will take you to Snoke, regardless of your condition.” He nods curtly, as if trying to convince himself.  
    He begins to walk away, when for some inexplicable reason, Rey reaches out and catches his wrist as it brushes by. Her small fingers can barely fit around it, and through her thumb she can feel his racing pulse. The nervous presence in her head says _you are not supposed to do this_. But she keeps her hand gripped tightly, and she looks up at his face, with wide, desperate eyes.  
    “Please,” she whispers hoarsely, “please.”  
    For a second, it seems like he’s conflicted, that he’s actually considering her pleas. But then it tumbles out of her mouth in a moment of weakness. In a moment of hope.  
    “Ben.”  
    He snatches his wrist away, briskly exiting the room without a second glance.  
And she’s alone again.  
\-------------  
    It's impossible to tell the passage of time in the small, metal room. It feels like Rey has been lying there for weeks, months, but she knows it can’t be more than five or six hours. She knows that every second brings her closer to her fate, closer to Snoke. But the helplessness is killing her. She’s a scavenger, raised by an unforgiving desert and taught to work herself to the bone. Sitting here, doing absolutely nothing and having no control over her survival is like some sick sort of punishment. Every once in awhile, Rey feels herself drifting to sleep, her heavy eyelids drooping closed. But sleep would leave her vulnerable, would leave her mind open for Ren to invade again. So she makes sleep her enemy, and she fights it off with a vigor, since it’s the only thing she can do. It at least gives her some kind of purpose. Eventually, though, her exhaustion catches up to her, and before she can protest, she feels herself slipping into the darkness.  
    She dreams of an ocean, grey and stormy, whose waves seem to touch the sky.  
    She dreams of an island.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, my lovely Reylos! And so the tension finally begins...I outlined around half of the story today, and it only gets more exciting from here :)  
> Btw, thanks for all the feedback. I'm loving how supportive the fanfiction community is, especially for young writers.


	6. Mask

    A gentle shake sends her eyes flying open, her mind still lost in her surprisingly pleasant dream. It takes a moment for the world to come back into focus, and when it does, Rey nearly screams. A metal monster is leaned in close to her, its face gleaming in the harsh light. Rey tries to jerk away, but the restraints are too tight. That’s when she realizes she knows that face, more accurately, that mask. Her heartbeat slows, but only slightly. Kylo Ren. She remembers being in the dense forest of Takodana, desperately trying to escape what she could only describe as a creature. He had stalked her, came in for the kill the way an animal would. But then he had taken off the mask, revealing the strangely handsome face behind it. She remembered thinking,  _but why would such a man hide behind a mask?_ There was no ugly burn marks or scars or rotting flesh. Just a perfectly normal, possibly even attractive face. She hadn’t seen the mask again since, nor thought about that question. But it’s in this moment that she understands. By looking like a monster, he was forced to become it. And last night, she had made him feel human...he needed the mask to be the monster again.  
    As Kylo begins untying her restraints, it unnerves her to not know what he’s thinking. Now armed with the knowledge of the Force bond, she tries to use their connection like he did. It’s completely different from trying to invade his mind: as opposed to knocking down all his walls with sheer will and the Force, it’s like there is a small, fragile bridge between their minds. It could be easily overlooked, but now Rey knows it’s there. Slowly, she crosses the bridge in her head, trying not to tip off Ren to her presence. But when it seems she’s getting somewhere, her access to him is suddenly cut off, the bridge disappearing.  
    So there _is_ a way to control this bond and protect herself from Ren. She just doesn’t know how yet.  
    Kylo finishes removing the restraint on her left ankle, not acknowledging what just happened. Was it not him who cut off their connection? Silence stretches between them as he slowly rises to his full height, looming over her. Finally, he speaks.  
    “Come.” The deep, mechanical voice makes her shiver.  
    “Aren’t you worried I’ll escape?” Rey glances down at her now free hands and feet.  
    “That won’t happen again.”  
    _Arrogant bastard_. If he’s going to keep underestimating her, then he will just keep getting surprised by her strength. Rey can’t wait until the next time she kicks his ass.  
    She still hasn’t moved yet, but when she senses Kylo’s impatience, she begins shifting herself into a sitting position. So far, it’s not so bad. There’s a dull ache from her leg, but Rey’s dealt with worse before. Maybe that ass-kicking will be sooner than she thought.  
    Her legs dangle from the edge of the cot, and she takes a deep breath. Slowly, she lowers one bare foot, and then the other. The ground is cold and hard, just like everything else surrounding her. She uses her hands to push up into a standing position, and although she feels a little dizzy from the movement, Rey figures she’ll be fine. Its when she takes her first step that it all goes to hell.  
    In what is probably a combination of her injury, exhaustion, and time spent cooped up on the cot, her legs give out underneath her. She’s falling to the floor, just like she did when the stormtrooper shot her, but this time Kylo steps forward, like he’s going to reach out and catch her. But then he stops and watches her collapse. Hitting the ground hard, tears prickle in Rey’s eyes and she furiously blinks them away. She feels weak and foolish in front of him, and she hates it. She _hates_ him.  
    Fueled by her rage, she manages to get back up with the help of the cot. When Kylo suddenly grabs her arm, stabilizing her as she attempts another step, she viciously snatches it away. To fully get across her message, she shoots him a look of utter disgust. Rey doesn’t need anyone’s help, including his. Especially when he's picking and choosing when it suits him to give it.  
    As she carefully makes her way towards him, she uses the Force to keep herself upright and balanced. Once seemingly satisfied with her progress, Kylo turns around and heads out. For a moment, she is hesitant to leave the room. Inside, she was guaranteed safety, as uncomfortable as it was. Outside...she doesn’t know. Glancing at her small cot one last time, she follows Ren's billowing cape out the doorway.  
    It’s hard to keep up with his long strides on her shaky legs as they enter a seemingly endless hallway with a shiny black floor. It's dark, and it takes Rey’s eyes a moment to adjust. In the distance she hears echoes of commands over an intercom, and the sound of tie fighters taking off. It’s overwhelming after sitting in her own silence for so long, and the sudden sound of marching from her left startles her. Rey jerks away from the noise and stumbles right into the hard white armor of a stormtrooper.  
    Panic rushes through her as the stormtrooper raises his blaster and shouts, “Don’t move!” _Shit_. She really doesn’t want to get shot again.  
    But then Rey blinks, and Kylo is in front of her, shielding her small body with his own. “Stand. Down.” There’s clear restraint his voice, but both her and the stormtrooper know that at any moment he could be tipped over the edge. She notices Kylo’s hand hovering over the hilt of his lightsaber, ready to strike.  
    The stormtrooper quickly nods and flees the scene, leaving her and a seething Kylo Ren. This time, when he grips her arm, so hard she already feels bruises forming, she doesn’t immediately pull away. Black anger seeps through whatever wall Ren built in their connection, so it’s definitely in her best interest to not piss him off right now.  
    “Thank you,” she reluctantly mumbles. _But I could have handled that_ , she thinks smugly to herself.  
    _And gotten yourself killed. Or shot. Again_ , she hears Ren say in her head.  
    Tired of his bullshit, Rey sighs in defeat. “Whatever.”  
    The hand on her arm pulls her forward, keeping her moving towards a large hangar whose walls seem to stretch up forever. As they walk, she can’t help but notice that everytime a stormtrooper passes by them, his fingers tense, keeping her grounded at her place by his side. Eventually they reach a jet black, medium sized shuttle. Its impressive wings point straight towards the ceiling of the hangar. It seems vaguely familiar...perhaps she saw it on Takodana?  
    When she’s lead aboard by Kylo, she’s surprised to see it empty besides the two of them.  
    “I will personally be delivering you to Snoke.”  
    This is the only good thing to come out of Kylo’s mouth all day. It would just be the two of them, no stormtroopers or blasters, for however long it takes to reach their destination. It would be difficult, but Rey knows she can take him down given the right opportunity. This means she might actually have a chance at escaping him and getting back to Poe. Poe...he must be so worried right now, and knowing his headstrong nature, it’s only a matter of time before he gets into trouble trying to find her. What about if he’s already been captured by the First Order? What if he gets himself into some kind of mess and she’s not there to save him?  
    Rey is pulled out of her thoughts by something cool and smooth encasing her wrists. She glances down, only to see that Ren has handcuffed her to a pole. She yanks against the cuffs frantically, not ready to lose her freedom when she’s only just gained it.  
    “What the hell?” She yells at him, her fear and anger catching up to her. “You,” she snarls, “you said I couldn’t escape anyway. Why restrain me now?”  
    He ignores her cries, instead firmly pushing her down onto a hard slab of concrete, a sad excuse for a bench. “You will remain respectful and calm,” he says, glancing at her form, which is quivering with anger, “when I bring you to Snoke. For now, you will sit here, and you won’t try anything. That is, if you want to remain alive.”  
    Rey is flabbergasted. For the last day, all he’s done is keep her safe, and now he’s threatening to kill her? Although part of her knows that logically this is an empty threat, for some reason she can’t possibly fathom, she feels betrayed.  
    As Ren starts walking away from her, towards the cockpit, she yells after him, “You don’t need the mask. You’re already a monster!”  
    His dark figure freezes, and for a moment, she thinks he’s going to turn around, destroy her in a flash of red and crackling heat. But then he’s moving again, disappearing from her sight.  
    Rey curls up on the bench, her anger giving out to fear and sadness. She misses Poe and Luke and Finn. She misses the jagged rocks of Ahch-To and the blue milk Luke always serves in the morning. She wants to go home. Overcome with emotions, Rey allows herself to finally feel it all. Hugging her knees close, she finally lets herself cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So what so you think of Kylo threatening Rey...he clearly cares about her, right? ;)  
> The next couple of chapters are really exciting (lots of actions and lots of adorable Reylo—the best combination ever), so I can't wait to post them. But its getting harder to keep up with writing them, so I might start posting chapters farther apart.  
> Anyways, thanks for reading! You guys are the best♥


	7. Explosion

    The next few hours are silent and solemn, Ren coming out of the cockpit every once in awhile to check on her. Everytime, she refuses to look at him, deciding that if he can ignore her, then she can too. It’s became a sort of game of wills. His constant hovering dares her to face him, while her ignorance forces him to walk away. Rey wants to yell at him, scream out every emotion, but there’s more satisfaction in giving him the silent treatment, something that he wouldn’t expect from her. When she finally feels him head back to the cockpit, she returns back to the only thing keeping her sane. Escape. Rey’s used everything she can find to try to pick the lock surrounding her right wrist. Currently using a rusty nail, she feels the lock starting to give, and then the top half of the nail breaks off. Heartbroken, Rey screams in frustration and chucks the useless piece of steel across the floor. For what must be the hundredth time today, she feels the urge to give up. And this time, she’s done fighting it.  
    All of the sudden, she hears Luke’s words in her ear, like the Force is whispering them.  
    “ _Rey, to beat your enemy, you can not simply rely on your survival skills. You are a scavenger by nature, but a jedi at heart.” He had gently laid a hand on her shoulder before continuing. “My padawan, you must realize that you are not alone. You’re family may have abandoned you on Jakku so many years ago, but the Force never will. And neither will I.”_  
    Rey touches the handcuff, the smooth metal cool under her skin. She closes her eyes, and the Force is all around her, flowing through her. She focuses her mind, seeing the lock inside her head and imagining it bending to her will. She’s just about to release herself, the taste of freedom on her tongue, when the whole ship violently shudders and she’s thrown against the wall.  
    Her ears ring, echoes of the explosion still rippling through her body. The lights above her crumpled form flicker and then go off entirely, leaving nothing but the shrill sound of warnings from the ship. Something slick and wet slowly trails down her forehead, and her hand instinctively goes to her face. The unmistakable stickiness of blood coats her fingers, and when the lights suddenly come back on, the splotch of red on her hands confirms it.  _What the hell was that? Had they hit a meteor?_  
    By the time a second explosion jerks the ship to the right, Rey is back on her feet, frantically trying to reconnect with the Force and finish unlocking the cuffs. As soon as she hears the click of the lock freeing, the restraints falling from her wrist with a clang, she is sprinting toward the cockpit. But then she stops, something catching her eye. A single escape pod sits to her left, just waiting for her to hop in and be free of all her problems.  
    But it’s not that simple. If she takes the pod, leaving Kylo Ren on this dying shuttle, she could be condemning him to death. She hates him, yes, but intentionally leaving him to die doesn’t feel right...And she has no clue where they are in the galaxy or if the pod has been damaged during the explosions. The choice is easy. She needs to get to the cockpit and save both of their asses.  
    The door is jammed when she reaches it, and after trying the handle once more, she doesn’t waste another second. Knowing the pain it will cause her, Rey bites down on her lip, and then kicks down the door. It leaves her leg screaming with agony, but the door gives, and she burst through the cockpit.  
    “What the hell is going on?!” She yells at Ren, only to find that he’s hunched over a mic, talking to someone. And then her eyes drift upperward to the cockpit’s window, only to find the Millenium Falcon staring them down. She nearly flings herself at the glass when she sees Poe’s smirking face in the pilot’s seat, Finn and Chewie next to him. _He’s alive. He’s alive. He’s here._  
    She hears Poe’s crackly voice over the intercom. “You’ve got nowhere to run, Ren. Just release her and we’ll...Rey?” He’s staring at her, disbelief and hope and longing in his eyes. Finn and Chewie simultaneously follow his gaze, a huge smile plastering the former’s face and the latter letting out a roar of joy.  
    Kylo obviously hasn’t noticed her until now either, as he whips around to face her. For a second, the two stare each other down, his mask shrouded in shadows and her face illuminated by the light of the Falcon.  
    “Ace, listen to me, it’s going to be okay,” Poe says, his voice dragging her back to reality and causing a sob of relief to wrack through her body. Her hand presses against the glass, the only barrier between them, and her head bobs up and down, conveying all her thoughts in a single nod. Then Poe’s eyes land on Kylo again, and he takes on a more serious tone. “Ren, your ship has been disabled. If you hand over Rey, unharmed, I _might_ not kill you.”  
    But Kylo is completely ignoring him, instead preparing the ship for lightspeed.  _Wait...lightspeed?_  
    “Have you lost your mind? You’ll kill us,” Rey cries as soon as she realizes what he’s doing, “This ship...it can’t survive hyperspace!” She carelessly lunges at him, too panicked to think first, and is instantly frozen in place. Usually, she could fight back and regain control of her mind from Kylo, but the pain coming from both her leg and her head makes it impossible.  
    “Give her up, now,” Poe says over the intercom.  
    Rey tries to shout, to warn Poe of what’s going on, but it comes out as a strangled scream.  
    Both of them are silenced when Ren finally speaks. “That’s not going to happen.” The finality in his voice sends shivers down Rey’s spine. _He doesn’t care if he kills them._  
    “Rey, what’s going on? If you so much as touch a hair on her-”  
    Poe is suddenly cut off, and she looks down to see that Kylo has turned off all communications. As he reaches up and pulls the lever that will send them hurtling through hyperspace, dread fills her very being. She’s going to die on this ship, just because he is too stubborn to give up his “prize.” Her eyes take in the trio in the Falcon, burning every detail into her mind, this probably being the last time she’ll ever see them.  
    As their faces are replaced with the distinct bright blue of hyperspace, she sends an _I love you_ into the galaxy and hopes that Poe somehow hears it.  
    The once agile ship has now lost all stability, clumsily racing through the flashing tunnel at lightspeed. It feels like the shuttle is being ripped apart from the inside out, and Rey is violently thrown into the copilot seat. She’s not sure if it's by Kylo or the shockwaves coming from where the left engine use to be. She quickly seat belts herself in, almost laughing at the incredibly insignificant protection it provides. Suddenly, they’re chucked out of hyperspace, and a clear blue sky and barren yellow sands fill up the window.  
    But they’re too close, and Kylo is trying to pull up, trying to save them. No matter how hard he pulls on the thrusters or how loud he yells, though, the ship refuses to listen to him. It’s on a one way path to the ground and there’s nothing they can do it about now. She thinks it’s right, in a way, that the desert is what gave her life and is now what’s going to take it away from her.  
    As the desert and their fate close in, Rey thinks she hear a voice in her head.  
    _I’m_ _sorry_.  
    And then the ship is spinning, crumpling, colliding with the ground in an explosion of heat and fire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what do you guys think? I love ending chapters on cliffhangers, so expect many more to come.  
> Also, from now on, my chapters get longer (I've just kind of been using the natural breaks in the story, since I'm pretty new to this) so I'll probably have to start posting less often in order to keep up with my writing :(


	8. Heat

    _She’s curled up in a bed, her limbs intertwined with Poe’s. He sighs gently, and pulls her closer to his chest. Open your eyes, her body tells her. She knows she should, that she’s been asleep for too long. But she doesn’t want to. It’s nice and safe in the darkness, enveloped by warmth. She wants to drift away it in._  
    “Come on, open your eyes. Please,” a deep voice says, cutting through her peace.  
    Rey moans, and pushes away the arms that are shaking her. Why can’t she just be left alone? She reaches for Poe, for his steadying arms, but he’s no longer there. Neither is the calming darkness. Now there’s just pain and blistering heat. “But it hurts,” she mumbles.  
    There’s a sigh of relief in the distance. “You’re okay...I know it does, but you have to open your eyes.”  
    She does as she’s told, only to find herself blinded by a bright light. When her eyes eventually adjust, the memories of the crash come flooding back. Taking in her surroundings, Rey finds that she’s still strapped to the copilot chair, the cockpit in ruins around her. Ren hovers next to her, his mask gone, seemingly assessing her condition.  
    “How...how are we alive?” Rey whispers to herself. Everything but her and her captor seems to have been destroyed in the crash. They should have _died_.  
    Kylo begins carefully unbuckling her from her seat. He, of course, seems perfectly unharmed, his long hair even neatly framing his face. “We need to get out now. This shuttle could explode any minute.” His eyes meet hers, and she thinks that buried beneath them, she sees concern. Concern for her. “Where does it hurt?”  
    Rey groans. It takes a moment for her to focus her thoughts into some semblance of a response. “Everywhere...my legs,” her fingertips brush her forehead, still damp with blood, “my head.” She meets his eyes. “This is your fault.” And she was the one who was paying the price.  
    “I know,” he whispers, head bowed with what seems almost like shame. _Wait, was that an apology?_  
    He starts to get up, and for a moment Rey is afraid he’s going to leave her. It would make sense, with his life at risk, she’s become nothing but a liability. But Rey knows she can’t get out of this ship alone. Her head is fuzzy at best, it feels like her legs are on fire, and she can’t seem to get a full breath out of her aching chest. For once in her life, she truly accepts that she needs someone. She needs _him_. But instead of walking away, he grabs something from above her that she can’t see.  
    His hand stretches out, offering a lifeline, a fighting chance. Her lightsaber.  
    “But why?” Rey whispers softly, confused.  
    “So you know you can trust me.” His dark features are unreadable, but she can feel his sincerity through their connection.  
    Rey nods, satisfied with this answer for now. She quickly clips the saber on to her belt, relishing the comfort its presence brings her. Then suddenly, Kylo stoops down, scooping her up and off of the chair. Strong, muscular arms surround her, supporting her. Despite everything, she feels oddly safe in his hold...perhaps she’s still not thinking straight. But she’s exhausted, and wants to get the hell of this ship, so she allows herself to relax in his embrace and lets him support her.  
    For a split second, she thinks she sees a whisper of a smile play on Kylo’s lips. “Can’t have you falling again.” It's not said mockingly, but almost playfully. Him...playful? She must’ve hit her head harder than she thought.  
    Kylo quickly starts bringing her off the ship, only stopping once to grab a medium sized, military style backpack and sling it over his shoulders. As they approach the exit, his too tall form has to bend under a section of collapsed ceiling, and Rey nearly laughs at how...human it is. Their way out, however, is completely blocked by debris. There’s no way to get to it. Even if they used the Force, it would take hours to painstakingly remove every piece. She can feel his body tense around her as he comes to the same conclusion.  
    “What now?” She searches Ren’s face, hoping that he’s found some way around this that she just doesn’t see.  
    He glances down at her. “I got you into this mess. I’m going to get both of us out of it.” Despite how seemingly calm he is, Rey can hear the panic at the edge of his voice, echoing her own. He stares off to his left, thinking, calculating, the same way she’s often seen him do during battle. And then they’re moving again, towards a window she hadn’t noticed before that’s, surprisingly, still relatively intact. Kylo braces her body against his, tucking her head against his chest, and then the glass is shattering under his will, sending a wave of small shards in their direction. When Rey looks up again, a dust of sparkling glass covers Kylo’s shoulders and hair, and he has a few superficial cuts on his cheeks from the pelting debris.  
    He helps her through the window and onto the fallen wing of the shuttle first, and then he follows suit, carefully wriggling his body through without touching the jagged edges. While he’s climbing through, Rey slowly scoots herself down the long, smooth wing, using only the strength of her arms and the downward slope to keep her moving. Finally, she hits the bottom, and takes a moment to look at their surroundings. She’s confronted with so many feelings: relief, nostalgia, sadness, anger, at seeing the desert again. The planet they’ve crashed on reminds her so much of her former home, but she knows it’s not Jakku. She would recognize the rough, golden sands and hazy, pale-blue sky anywhere. Sinking to the hot ground, she lets the fine grains of sand run through her fingers. Definitely not Jakku.  
    “We have to keep moving,” Kylo says, coming up behind her.  
    He wraps his arms around her shoulders and legs, picking her up in the same manner he did before. It makes Rey’s insides boil when she realizes how comfortable, how natural this is starting to feel. Kylo’s steps are strong and purposeful beneath her, despite her weight in his arms, and have a sort of calming rhythm that makes her want to fall asleep. And there’s something about the way his hair falls in his face as he walks that makes her want to reach up and smooth it back and-  
    _No_. She’s not allowed to have these thoughts. This is her enemy, and she needs to remember that if she’s going to survive. Just because he’s not trying to kill her anymore, or because he’s actually starting to show remorse for his actions doesn’t mean anything has changed. The _only_ reason she is letting herself be held in such a degrading manner is because it's beneficial to her. She can’t escape him if she doesn’t regain the strength in her legs, and that is only going to happen if she gets somewhere safe, somewhere she can rest and tend her wounds. He is simply a way to get to that place, nothing more. And besides, it’s not like he’s helping her because he actually has any interest in her survival. She is simply a tool for him as well.  
    Rey is careful to keep that in mind as they trudge ahead, especially when Kylo softly asks her if she’s feeling alright. At one point, a while later, Rey thinks she hears the distant roar of the shuttle finally exploding, the dust and rubble mixing with the sand the way it should have when they crashed. For the most part, however, it’s a silent walk. The heat around them envelops Rey like a childhood blanket: lost perhaps, but certainly not forgotten. Kylo, on the other hand, wearing his heavy black robes and without any experience in the desert, is no doubt sweltering under the harsh sun. Curious, Rey reaches across their Force connection, and this time there is no resistance. The bridge across is not exactly welcoming either…Rey figures that he hasn’t necessarily meant to let his walls down, but rather he’s just too distracted to put them back up.  
    All of the sudden, she’s in his thoughts, or what rather feels like echos and flashes of his feelings. Among them is a brief complaint of the heat, but its feels rather insignificant, like he’s pushed it aside. Rey had told herself that once she had gotten her confirmation, and some brief practice at using their bond, she would slip away. But she can’t help but stay, just for a moment longer. She senses flashes of loneliness, shame at his own weakness, and fear of failure, of not completing his grandfather’s legacy, and of one day being tempted back into the light. It’s then that she realizes there’s one thing overwhelming his thoughts: her. She’s everywhere, connected to every emotion, from sadness to jealousy and from captivation to fear. More importantly, she’s what Kylo is afraid will bring him back to the light.  
    But before she can find out why, she’s thrown back into her own mind. Rey honestly doesn’t know if it was Kylo who stopped her from seeing more or her own self, afraid of what this could mean, how this could change _everything_. If Kylo thought that there was even a chance that he could turn back to the light, then maybe it wasn’t too late. And that would make things way more complicated...if she ever had to fight him again, would she be able to take his life to save her own, knowing that she could possibly bring him back? How could she not try to give General Leia her son back, after all she’s lost?  
    Her thoughts are stopped in their tracks when the smooth back-and-forth rock of Kylo’s steps ends. The shuttle is but a speck in the distance now, and the fiery desert sun has begun to sink beneath the dunes, leaving the sky deep shades of orange and pink. He sets her down in a little rock nook, and Rey is impressed by his chosen spot. It’s at a higher elevation, where the dunes begin to slope into sandstone hills, giving them the perfect view of the desert below and possible threats. But the nook, nestled in between two impressive rock formations, also provides some coverage from the now chilly winds coming from the east. Even as the desert expert she is, Rey couldn’t have picked a better spot.  
    Kylo sits down across from her, his back against the adjacent rock face, and starts to take out some of the contents of the bag. Fortunately, there is supplies to make a proper fire, as she is already starting to shiver. When darkness fell in the desert, Rey would usually already be in her makeshift AT-AT home, eating her meager rations and fantasizing about a family that would never return. She would be warm and safe, despite all the other hardships she faced in her life. Rey finds herself missing that AT-AT now, and the protection it gave her from the unforgiving cold of night.  
    “Here,” Kylo says, handing her a spoon and a can of beans he had just warmed over the fire. “You need to eat.”  
    She takes the food gratefully, quickly digging in, and enjoying the warmth in her belly each spoonful creates. After a long period of silence during which Rey devours the can's contents, she turns to Kylo.  
    “We need to come up with a plan,” she says strongly, watching the shadows that dance on Kylo’s face. “There must be some kind of village near here, probably to the south. I think I saw some kind of civilization over there when we crashed...smoke, buildings. At daylight, we can start walking. I’d say it’s probably a three or four hour trek.” She pauses, allowing Kylo a chance to respond. Nothing. “When we get there, we can steal a ship.”  
    And that’s the only reason she’s including him in this plan. She’ll convince him to help her steal the ship, but he isn't coming with her. When the opportunity arises, she'll leave him and this nightmare behind on the planet and finally get back to Ahch-To. It would be difficult, but she had defied impossibility more than once in the last few days. Why not do it again?  
    Finally, Kylo speaks, his voice crushing her comforting fantasy.  
    “We’re not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long to upload. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated :)


	9. Escape

    "What do you mean we’re not going anywhere?” Rey exclaims, trying and failing to keep the frustration out of her voice.  
    “The First Order,” Kylo says while tending to the fire, “is coming for us. They know where we are.” He finally looks up at Rey. “A wild goose chase for a village you probably didn’t see is not going to help us. What we _need_ is to stay put and wait until they get here.”  
    Rey can barely contain herself. “You expect me to wait until the First Order shows up so you can take me to Snoke?” She shakes her head in disbelief. “Not going to happen.”  
    Kylo suddenly jumps up, his tall form looming over her. “That is exactly what is going to happen.” The viciousness in his voice surprises Rey, and so does that distinct feeling of smallness brewing inside of her. “I am the only thing keeping you alive right now. Without me, you would’ve died when that shuttle exploded.”  
    “I wouldn’t have been in that position if you hadn’t sent us into hyperspace, which you knew should’ve killed us both!” Rey shouts back, sick of feeling intimidated by him. Breathing heavily, she whispers softly, “You could’ve killed me.”  
    Kylo silently sits back down, and Rey thinks for a split second that maybe her words had some kind of impact on him. But when he speaks, it’s with cold and callous words. “That doesn’t matter.” His intense stare sends shivers down her spine. “Do you actually think I care if you died? The only reason I haven’t killed you myself is because the Supreme Leader wants you. Because he sees some kind of worth in you, a piece of scavenger scum.”  
    Raw hurt and anger spreads through every inch of Rey’s body. With everything that has happened, she had started to think that there was not quite a partnership, but perhaps some kind of understanding forming between them. But whatever she thought she had seen in his mind, no longer matters. He is the same and he always will be. Evil. Irredeemable. A monster.  
    She wants to scream at him, tear him apart with words, but nothing comes out. Instead she sits in the heavy silence, refusing to look in his direction. Whatever trust there was between them now lays shattered in the space separating them.  
    “From now on, I will be holding onto the supplies,” she hears Ren say, suddenly beside her, snatching something from her belt, “and your lightsaber. That should be incentive enough for you to not question me again.”  
    She whips around, about to lunge at him and snatch the saber back, but the look in his eyes makes her stay put. It’s the look of a predator, ready to strike her down at any moment. So she stills herself, focusing on remaining calm. Her opportunity will come, as long as she remains as cool and calculated as he is.  
    “Fine. You win,” she keeps her face and voice void of emotion, a trick she’s learned from the man across from her. The beginning of a new plan is already starting to take shape in her mind. So Rey lies down, propping her head against a smooth rock, making sure to keep her body as far away from his as possible. Her eyes close purposefully, but she has no intention of sleeping with the creature next to her.  
    It’s not until a few minutes later that she senses him lay down, his breathing eventually becoming deep and steady with sleep. Rey doesn’t want to take any chances, so she waits out another half hour or so, making sure that he is definitely not still awake. Cautiously, she reopens her eyes. Ren’s dark form is stretched out against the wall, and Rey can’t help but stare at his face. It’s peaceful, boyish, almost beautiful under the calm of sleep. Soft freckles dust his strong nose, and his full lips are upturned into a whisper of a smile. Turning away, Rey burns the image from her memory, afraid it might haunt her one day.  
    She carefully gets up, grateful for her nimble scavenger skills that allow her to move like a ghost: silent and invisible. Her legs are shaky, but with the small amount of rest and sustenance she’s received, are just strong enough to keep her standing. Before she begins climbing down the rocky hill, she turns around one last time, staring wistfully at her lightsaber and the bag of supplies that Ren is clutching. But it would be too risky to try to free them from his hold without waking him up. She’ll just have to make do without them.  
    Rey begins limping down the sandstone slope, her heart hammering in her chest. At one point she thinks she hears Ren stir behind her, but his heavy footsteps never come. Once she reaches the bottom of the hill, she scans her surroundings, trying to find her way through the veil of night. She wants to make sure she’s going the right way, towards the village, but she wants even more to put as much distance between her and her enemy as possible. So she picks up the pace, despite the protest of her legs, and heads towards what she think is south.  
    The twinkling stars in the inky black sky above her are all that illuminate her path. When she looks up at them, Rey thinks of Poe, of him desperately searching the galaxy in the Falcon, knowing deep down that she’s probably dead but refusing to accept it. She thinks of Finn, how he might feel like he’s missing his other half, like she has since they’ve been separated. And she thinks of Master Luke, staring up at the same wondrous galaxy that she is on their peaceful island home, searching the Force for some kind of guidance. It’s the thought of them that keeps her moving, even as her lonely trek leaves her more and more weary.  
    As she scrambles up a large sand dune, a sickening feeling in her stomach tells Rey that something is wrong. That she’s being watched. She whips around, squinting in the darkness for whatever is following her. There’s nothing but the cold night, seeping into everything around her. Rey continues to walk, but her steps are quicker now, more panicked. It’s like the Force is begging her to turn back, but she can’t. She refuses to go back to Ren, not when she’s made it this far. But still, she has a _very_ bad feeling about this.  
    Suddenly, a snarl echos through the rolling sand dunes. The silhouette of a wild animal emerges through the blanket of night. As it approaches her, Rey makes out that it’s some kind of dog, but the feral glint in it’s eyes tells her that this is nothing like the gentle, friendly dog she had met once at the Resistance base. This animal screams danger, despite how scraggly and relatively small it is.  
    Rey prepares herself for a fight, her body taking a defensive stance. Although she desperately wants her lightsaber right now, she knows she can take down this creature with her bare hands. She’s a born survivor, and a starving dog isn’t going to change that.  
    But then three more of the animals appear on all sides of her, circling like the true predators they are. Fear flashes through Rey’s mind as she frantically tries to think of a way out of this. As a scavenger, she’s only been taught two ways of getting out of a bad situation: fight or flight. Flight has been completely eliminated from the equation, any escape blocked by the creatures’ strategic positions. Fight is not looking good either, her, weaker still from the tiresome walk, outnumbered one to four.  
    All of the sudden, one of the dogs on her left jumps, lunging at her in a blink of an eye. And then she’s on the ground, wrestling the beast in a fight for her life, it’s snapping jaws only inches from her face. In her peripheral vision, Rey catches the other animals closing in, watching the struggle closely. The wild and hungry eyes of the dog above her bore into hers as she struggles to pull it off her body, knowing she only has so much time before the other dogs come in for the kill. While she manages to push the wriggling animal slightly to the left, she accidently gives it access to her arm, and it viciously bites down. Screaming with pain, she loses her grip for a moment, and the dog gets in a scratch to her face.  
    Rey sends a plea out to the Force, but she gets no response back. Despite everything Luke has taught her, in this desperate moment, she decides to use the pain in her favor, using it to fan the flames of anger inside of her. It’s a technique only used by the dark side, but with her life at risk, she has to try. With a rush of burning strength, Rey grasps the animal's neck, squeezing as hard as she can. As soon as the dog’s squirming and scratching starts to slow with its loss of oxygen, she takes advantage of the moment of weakness. Chucking the animal off of her body, Rey gets back off the ground, quickly glancing down at her bleeding arm. The bite is deep, causing a river of gushing blood to trail all the way down to her wrist, but it's not too serious.  
    As she prepares to continue fighting the dog in front of her, who has just regained its strength and place in the circle, one of the animals lunges at her from behind, using its claws to dig into her back. When two more of the dogs start assaulting her legs, she’s pushed on to the ground again with her attackers, and this time she’s not sure if she can fight her way back up. Rey’s legs kick out, desperately trying to keep the animals at bay. A few of the kicks land their mark, but it's just not enough. Her fight, her will to live, just isn’t enough.  
    Then suddenly the beast attacking her shoulders and face is flung off of her small form. Rey quickly scrambles into a standing position, and is faced with her savior. Kylo Ren. He viciously fights the dog, quickly taking it down in two strikes of his red lightsaber. Using the Force, he pushes her behind him, becoming her human shield from the snarling dogs. The next few moments make Rey sick to her stomach, but she can’t look away. Kylo fights each of the animals with a ferocity she had never seen before in her life, with sheer, all consuming anger. She can feel it in the Force, how connected his emotions are to the darkside. Each of the animals are killed with violent flashes of red and a spinning, slashing figure of death. In a way, it’s almost breathtaking.  
    Soon it’s down to only one dog, the one that attacked her first. It manages to get one, brief snap of its mouth in before Ren stabs it in the chest, watching the life drain from its eyes. Even after it's clearly dead, he stabs it one, two, three more times. And then it's over.  
    Rey’s hands tremble from the shock of what just happened, and she’s not sure whether she wants to throw up or break down crying. Maybe both. Kylo turns around to face her, his broad shoulders quickly falling up and down with his labored breathing. His hair flies messily around his face, and his dark eyes dart around wildly, reminding her of the animals she just fought.  
    When he takes a step towards her, she instinctively jumps back, still frightened by what she just witnessed. Kylo’s next step is smaller, gentler, and Rey forces herself to hold her ground. His long legs slowly carry him over to her. And then he’s in front of her, his large hands reaching up and holding her cheek. She shivers when the rough pad of his thumb caresses her skin, touching her like he can believe that she’s here, in front of him, alive.  
    His left hand remains on her cheek, while his right travels down her neck, her shoulder, her arm. She’s scared and shocked by the goosebumps left by his touch, but she stays put. When he reaches the bite, blood still pouring from it, his eyebrows knit together in concern. His fingers circle the wound, assessing its condition. His focus then returns to her. Leaning in close, his soft breath tickles her face, and for a moment she thinks he’s going to kiss her. With his forehead pressed against hers, their lips are only a hairs width apart, a single movement enough to bring them together in an impossible way. She should run away, she should _want_ to run away, but she doesn’t. Maybe it’s curiosity or shock, or maybe it’s something else, something hidden and mysterious inside of her.  
    But he pulls away, leaving the hand on her cheek as the only evidence that she hadn’t imagined what just happened.  
    “What are you doing to me?” Kylo whispers so softly that it could’ve been lost in the wind. He takes both of her hands in his own. “ _Why_ are you doing this to me?”  
    Rey wants to speak, to somehow lessen the anguish the man before her faces. But there are no words to describe what just happened between them, to understand what Kylo or herself are feeling. So she begins with the only thing that comes to mind.  
    “I’m sorry,” she says hoarsely, meeting his pitch black eyes.  
    Kylo nods softly.  
    They both begin limping towards their refuge, where the sun is beginning to rise above the desert, painting the sky with hope for a new day.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited about posting this chapter! Its my favorite one I've written so far. I really wanted to include some Beauty and the Beast parallels, so in case you didn't notice, this is inspired by the scene where Belle gets attacked by the wolves and the Beast saves her.  
> Anyways, thanks for reading and let me know what you think of the chapter!


	10. Touch

    “Hold still,” Kylo scolds, face scrunched up in concentration. He dabs the bite on her arm gently with the cloth, his focus entirely on the work of cleaning her wound.   
    The landscape around the pair, despite the lively sunlight beaming down on it, remains barren and lonely. The walk to this spot had been silent, yet oddly comfortable, and neither of them mentioned the attack or what happened after. Rey had a feeling they probably never would. When they came back to their little nook, several layers already peeled off under the heat, Kylo had insisted he take care of the dog bite.   
    But holding still (or listening to orders) has never quite been Rey’s forte, and she winces again, nearly jerking her arm out of his grasp. “Sorry.”   
    The thing is, Rey’s never had anyone but herself clean and mend her injuries. As a little girl, she can remember once cutting her hand while climbing a ship. Staring at the river of blood coming from the gash, she had thought it was the end of the world. Until she realized she had the power to make it stop. She had ripped the clothing off of her favorite doll, and while holding back tears, her tiny hands managed to wrap the cut. It was then, watching her injury heal day by day, that she had realized that she, and no one else, was in control of her survival. Even when she had injured herself during a Resistance mission that had gone awry, and Poe had offered to help her, she had dealt with the small gash on her stomach herself. So watching Kylo clean up the bite definitely made her uneasy.   
    “You remain calm in the face of stormtroopers, wild dogs, and the master of the Knights of Ren,” he says, beginning to tightly wrap her arm with a clean, white piece of fabric, “but you can’t sit still when someone cleans your wounds?” He looks up at her then, and Rey almost thinks he’s going to laugh. He doesn’t of course...Rey imagines that it’s a skill he’s forgotten, but his lips do turn upwards slightly in a small grin.  
    Her eyebrow raises skeptically. “Master of the Knights of Ren? You do know you’re not as scary as you think.”  
    Kylo finishes wrapping the wound, but doesn’t acknowledge her attempt at a joke. Without his heavy robes, he’s in nothing but a plain black shirt and pants, his arm muscles exposed and bearing the same dust of moles his face does. It’s throwing Rey off, seeing him in such seemingly normal clothes as opposed to his usual dark ensemble. It makes a part of her want to forget the past, and pretend that he is just as normal as his clothes are. But, unfortunately, it’s way more complicated than that.  
    “What about your back?” Kylo says, breaking her thoughts. His voice is soft and shy, and that’s when she realizes what that would mean. If he wants to patch up her back, the only way he can get to the gashes is if she takes off her shirt.   
    Suddenly nervous, she looks up at Kylo, biting her lip hard enough to draw blood. Surprisingly, the look on his face is gentle, bearing none of the commanding intimidation she’s seen him use in the past to get what he wants.   
    _It’s okay_ , the whisper echoes in her head. _You don’t have to_.  
    It’s in that moment that Rey feels something in Kylo that she never has before: understanding. She can sense that somehow, maybe through the Force bond, he knows how difficult being vulnerable in that way is for her. Especially with a man who up until a few hours ago, had been nothing but her enemy.   
    Working up all the courage she can muster, Rey takes a deep breath and turns around. _This is a survival tactic and nothing else. He needs to clean the scratches. It’s not a big deal_ , she tells herself, trying to control her pounding heart. Her fingers grasp the edges of the rough fabric, and figuring it’s like ripping off a bandage, she quickly pulls the shirt up and over her head. Her back is left bare, besides the thin strap of her Resistance issued bra.   
    From behind her, Rey hears Kylo sharply inhale. It’s not quite a gasp, but something more subtle. Calloused fingers are suddenly on her now exposed back, slowly tracing the curve of her shoulder down to her mid back, where the claw marks are, and Rey shivers at his touch. She glances over at him, his long, dark curls falling over his face as he inspects the wound. Despite her instinctive urge to squirm under this odd kind of intimacy, she finds herself keeping her body frozen, afraid that a single movement will send them both running behind their respective walls.   
    The tension filled air is finally broken when he says. “It’s not serious.” _But if I had gotten to you a moment later…_  
    _I could’ve lost you._  
    His thoughts flow freely through her mind, and it’s so natural that it takes a moment to realize he hadn’t said that out loud. Rey wonders if their current physical connection, his hand on her back, strengthens their Force bond, making it harder for them to control it. She feels like, despite how many times he’s invaded her mind, that somehow she’s violating his privacy, that she’s not meant to hear these kind of things.   
    The cloth, now being pressed into the gashes, makes her gasp aloud. Kylo’s worry flashes in her own mind, and his cleaning becomes lighter and more cautious. To keep her from fidgeting at the stinging pain, Rey clenches her fists, focusing instead on Kylo’s close presence behind her. The way each breath he takes seems purposeful, strong, proud. The way he smells: like wildfire and leather and pine trees in the winter. The way his presence, his touch, seems to awaken something inside of her that she never knew was there. Something that should be scary or unsettling, but instead intrigues her. And the way he speaks to her, how he can make her feel weak and strong at the same time.   
    “How come,” she says, her small voice startling both of them, “you’ve never said my name?” It was a question that had suddenly entered her mind, and lost in her own thoughts, she had by accidentally blurted it out.   
    There’s a silence from behind her, and the soft dabbing of the cloth stops. Then it starts again. “Maybe,” he finally responds, “I’ve been too busy trying to keep you from killing yourself. And me.”   
    Rey now recognizes this as him avoiding questions he doesn’t want to answer. But she wants to know why, in all the times they’ve ever encountered each other, he’s never uttered her name. Never even thought it, at least from what’s she’s seen inside his head. She’s always been the scavenger or the girl from Jakku. It couldn’t be just some coincidence.   
    Kylo presses a large white bandage from the backpack’s medkit on to the scratches, and Rey knows she’s not going to get her answer, at least not today. As soon as his hand pulls away, she throws her shirt back on, suddenly yearning for the walls they used to have between them. It was so much easier then, when she didn’t give a damn what Kylo Ren thought.   
    The day drags on, sunlight fiercely beaming down on their little nook and creating a blanket of heat. Rey is too exhausted to fight Kylo on how to get off this planet, let alone even think about it herself. For now, she can bide her time until she feels better, and maybe try to postpone the First Order’s arrival. So instead, she spends the long hours of day sorting through their supplies, taking stock of their food, and calculating rations. It feels natural, sitting alone with the desert as her only company, figuring out her chances of survival. With what they have in the backpack, they can last maybe a few days out here, that is, if they don’t kill each other first.   
    It’s definitely nice to have some space from Kylo’s ever hovering presence, always asking if she’s okay or if her bandages need to be replaced. He’s gone off to find a water supply, even though in the middle of the desert, the chances are very slim. Rey knows what's it like, desperately searching the barren land for even the tiniest drop of water, her lips and throat dry and cracked. And very few times did she ever stumble across any. But in this case, if Kylo didn’t find water, it would be a good thing. Then they would have to pursue the village, whether he wants to or not.   
    Having finished her supply check, Rey stares out at the dunes, noticing for the first time that this planet has two suns: one red and fiery and another pure and white. While watching them sink underneath an endless sea of sand, her mind drifting to Poe. What would he think of her, of this strange sort of partnership with Kylo? Would he understand if she tried to explain that, in a way, it was about more than just surviving? As darkness begins to seep into the sky, she lets the thought remain in her head, quietly pondering it. Just as she starts a fire, the tall figure of the man that was causing her so much confusion emerges from the shadows.  
    Triumphantly, he places two large canteens in front of her filled to the brim with water.   
    “How?” She says, inspecting the cool, clear liquid, but what she really means is _shit_.   
    Kylo takes a seat next to the fire, rubbing the warmth back into his hands. “I was about to give up when I found a small stream. I have no idea where it came from, but the water is clean.”   
    Rey takes a deep breath. A _stream_ isn’t going to make her agree to being dragged off to Snoke. “Kylo, I-”  
    But he interrupts her, “No,” his eyes bear the weight of the choices they’ll soon have to make. “Just not tonight.”   
    Rey nods softly, secretly relieved to have one more night of this temporary peace between them. Huddled next to the fire, they eat their meager rations for dinner, both of them comfortably quiet. Afterwards, Rey finds the smooth rock she used as a pillow the previous night, settling in to finally sleep. Exhaustion has wormed its way into every part of her body, and despite the challenges tomorrow will bring, she smiles to herself at the prospect of actually getting some rest. But the chilly desert winds leave her shivering, and the comfort of the fire is gone, as Kylo said leaving it to burn could be dangerous, alerting possible threats to their location.   
    Suddenly, something soft and warm is gently draped over her, and Rey opens her eyes to see the shadowy figure of Kylo bent in close. “Thank you,” she says through chattering teeth, pulling Kylo’s dark cape closer around her body. She continues to tremble, but the heavy fabric provides some protection from the harsh weather.   
    Rey’s about to close her eyes when she realizes he hasn’t moved. “You’re still cold.” His deep voice is hushed, threatening to be lost in the darkness.   
    She doesn’t answer, but instead looks up at him curiously, trying to make out his features. For a moment, neither of them move, the tension filled air making it hard to breath.  
    And then he lies down next to her, his tall form pressed against the back of her small one. At first, she tenses against him, unsure of what exactly he’s doing. But then his body warmth envelops her, and she nearly forgets that Kylo Ren, the monster in the mask, is this close. His breath tickles her neck, leaving goosebumps, and she can feel a whisper of his long curls against her cheek. If she wanted to, she could run him through with the lightsaber at her side right now, just like he did to Han. He’s completely vulnerable, unsuspecting. But the thought only comes into her head for the briefest of moments, and then she shoves it aside. _Not like this_.  
    And for some odd reason, she pushes away all of her other fear and anger and doubt as well, letting herself sink deeper into his soothing presence. He falls asleep first, the rise and fall of his chest against her eventually evening out. Before she goes to sleep herself, she sneaks a glance back at him, secretly wanting to see that boyish face she saw before she ran into the night.  
    His features are softer up close, his strong nose seeming less proud and his full, pink lips upturned in a hint of a smile. She’s once again overcome with the urge to brush his dark locks off of his face, to feel his thick hair run through her fingers. She also wants to count everyone of his constellation of moles and memorize their places on his face. But most of all, looking at him now, she doesn’t see Kylo Ren. Rey sees Ben Solo, the boy who lost his way in the dark. His arms circle her waist, and she slowly turns back around, careful not to wake him.   
    When she finally falls asleep, lulled by his soft breath, it’s with the image of that boy in her head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely Reylos! Thank you for being so patient...I'm sorry it took this long to post the next chapter. School work has been crazy recently, and I've been really busy. I want to make sure I'm posting quality content, even if it takes longer. Hopefully all the fluff in this chapter was worth the wait :)


	11. Mess

    She snuggles deeper into the solid warmth around her, shifting so her head rests against a strong chest. Rey is half awake, and she wants desperately to slip back into the darkness, to stay wrapped up in this comforting embrace. This is the first time she’s ever slept like this: feeling cozy and safe and perfectly lazy. But she reluctantly opens her eyes, only to find herself surrounded by more black. Glancing around, she realizes a heavy cape is surrounding her, her body pressed up against the form of a man in dark clothing. _Shit_. She quickly pulls back, and last night flood backs to her. She let Kylo Ren, a killer and her sworn enemy, sleep next to her, his limbs tangled with her own. How could she have been so stupid?  
    Kylo stirs, but instead of waking up, the arms circling her waist pull her closer, despite her quiet struggle to get away from him. Feeling claustrophobic and vulnerable and _ashamed_ , she pushes against his chest. He groans, almost like a child, and his strong arms only tighten more.  
    “Kylo,” she whispers, trying and failing to peel him off of her. “Wake up.” But he simply mumbles something under his breath, and then nuzzles his face into the crook of her neck.  
    _Fine_. This can’t go on a second longer, and gentle doesn’t seem to work, so Rey tries a different tactic. Shaking him hard, she repeats, this time louder, “Kylo!”  
    He immediately wakes with a start, panic taking over both his mind and eyes. He throws his body on top of hers, his lightsaber suddenly igniting beside him in a fury of red. It all happens so fast, and for a second, she thinks he means to kill her right then and there, end her life before she can even blink. But then she realizes his stance isn’t offensive, but rather protective, his eyes darting around in search of an invisible enemy. His broad shoulders rapidly rise and fall as he keeps her squirming body pinned underneath him.  
    Slowly, Rey raises her hand upwards, like she’s trying to approach a wild animal, any movement having the potential to tip him over the edge. Without her telling them to, her fingers find the cool skin of his cheek, delicately cupping his face. Kylo’s breath continues to come out in harsh bursts, but his wild search for a threat seems to stop, his eyes focusing on her.  
    “It’s alright,” she whispers, like she’s calming a scared child. “We’re okay.”  
    _You’re oka_ y, he repeats back in his thoughts as his lightsaber extinguishes, relief evident. _You’re okay_.  
    For a moment, they watch each other, Kylo’s full body weight on top of her, keeping her stuck underneath him. For a second time, they’re lips are only a breath apart, and Rey contemplates how easy it would be to close that distance. To breach a once impenetrable wall between the dark and the light, all with one kiss. And even more seemingly impossible, a part of her wants to. The way his arm muscles flex as they keep her pinned, the light shining through his hair and creating a sort of halo, makes her heart flutter. Yet it's more than that: a simple, stupid attraction. She feels connected to him, unlike anyone she’s ever met before. It’s inexplicable, powerful, intoxicating. But then Poe’s face flashes in her mind, handsome and loving and good. It’s all it takes for the spell to be broken. She quickly turns her head to the side, not able to bear a second longer of this close proximity, and she thinks she senses something like disappointment in Kylo.  
    Rey, almost forgetting about her hand on his cheek, reluctantly pulls it back. “I’m sorry,” she says, finally glancing back at him, but avoiding his lips. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”  
    Kylo nods quietly, but still doesn’t move off of her. Sighing, she tries to get up, but his arms don’t budge, caging her. Based on the small smirk on his face, he’s obviously enjoying this.  
    She clears her throat, not so subtly. “Kylo?”  
    “What?” He says innocently, his annoying smirk growing.  
    _Why are all guys so damn immature?_ “You know exactly what I’m talking about,” Rey snaps back. But before he can come up with a snarky response, Rey gives in. “Can you move?” Rolling her eyes, she reluctantly adds, “Please.”  
    With that, Kylo pulls back, freeing her from his strong body. Finally, she can get out of this ridiculous position. Throwing the cape off of her, which now only leaves a sickening feeling in her stomach, she scrambles up into a standing position. Suddenly feeling oddly conscious of her bedhead, she reaches up with her left arm to smooth down her messy hair. Kylo’s eyes narrow, his eyebrows scrunching up in a way she now knows all too well. Following his gaze, she glances at her arm, which carries the dog bite, and Rey can’t help but gasp aloud. Purple tendrils stem from the stark white bandage covering the wound, and a deep red covers the length of her swollen arm. All signs of-  
    “Infection,” he whispers the exact same time as she thinks it.  
    “But how?” Rey shakes her head, still in disbelief. “You cleaned it. It...it was fine last night.”  
    Kylo approaches her, placing the back of his hand on her forehead as he responds. “You were bit by a wild dog. Without proper medical supplies, there was no guarantee.” He drops his hand, sighing. “You’re already feverish.”  
    Rey takes a shaky breath, sitting back down. “How do we fix this?” Her voice is uncertain, part of her already knowing the answer.  
    Kylo sits down next to her, but she notices that he keeps his distance. Running his hands through his hair, he finally says, “We...I can’t. Not with what we have here. If we were anywhere else but a godforsaken desert…” He trails off, leaving them with nothing but the sound of the wind whistling through the mountains above. “I’m sorry.”  
    No. She was not going to die because of a dog bite. Not going to happen. If she was dying, it was going to be in a blaze of glory, not with the thought that simple medication could’ve saved her life.  
    Then it hits her. “The village,” she turns to him. “They would surely have-”  
    “No,” Kylo interrupts her. “We can’t leave. The First Order is coming, and they’ll be here soon.” His head shakes, sending his wild curls flying across his face. “We’ll get ourselves killed if we go on a wild goose chase through the desert for a village we don’t even know definitely exists.”  
    Rey is fuming inside at his stubbornness, but she knows she needs to stay calm, and use strategy over emotion. “We both know that holding out for the First Order isn’t an option.” Hesitantly, she grabs his hand, part of her feeling guilty for exploiting his weakness. “I’ll be dead by then,” she whispers.  
    He looks down at their two hands intertwined, his large one almost completely swallowing hers, and then out towards the dunes. She’s itching to use the Force bond to read his thoughts, but she knows that pushing him is not a good idea. What she needs right now is to be patient, to give him space. And she has to understand that this is a more difficult decision then it seems. If he said yes, brought her to the village and saved her life, he would be going against his orders, his beliefs, the side he committed to when he killed his father. He would be choosing her, at least for now, over them.  
Kylo runs his hands through his thick hair, clearly lost in thought. “I got you into this mess,” he murmurs to himself, keeping his gaze fixed on the desert. Finally, he turns back to her, seemingly with his decision made. “Fine,” he says, sighing. “You need the medicine, and the village is our best chance at saving you.”  
    Rey nods, a smile creeping onto her face at her victory. Her mind racing, she takes her hand back, and then quickly stands up. “I’ll start preparing the supplies. We’re going to need enough water to last us-”  
    “We?” Kylo cuts her off, jumping off the rock and blocking her way to the bag. “You’re not going anywhere, not in your condition.” He expertly uses his height to tower over her, but that strategy stopped working a long time ago, now only seeming childish to Rey.  
    She scoffs. “Yes, I am.” Pushing past him, she starts packing the canteens and their rations, and surprisingly he doesn’t stop her. She’s just finished when he speaks.  
    “You will stay here until I return.” His voice is clear and calm, and whipping around to face him, she realizes he’s trying to compel her. For a second she feels it, the persuasion tugging at her mind, telling her how much better it would be if she just stayed here, safe. But it's gone as quickly as it comes, leaving Rey furious.  
    Rushing towards Kylo, it takes all she has to barely resist the urge to smack him. “Mind tricks?” She snarls, her fists clenched so tightly that it leaves her knuckles white. “They don’t work on me, and neither will this whole ‘look at me, I’m so scary’ thing. I am going, whether you like it or not.” Slinging the bag over her shoulder, Rey starts heading down the hill before he can respond, sick and tired of waiting for his permission.“Face it, you need me,” she calls over her shoulder, already certain that this battle has been won.  
    His long strides catch up with hers almost immediately, and he grabs her shoulder, turning her around to face him. Huffing out in an annoyed breath, Kylo says, “Okay, you can come.” Eyes, dark and somber, meet hers. “But,” he adds with a more powerful tone, “you have to listen to me. No matter what happens, you do what I say.”  
    Rolling her eyes, Rey brushes off the arm on her shoulder. “Whatever.”  
    But before she can start walking again, he steps in front of her. “I’m serious. Promise me, or I’ll put you over my shoulder and drag you back.”  
    Rey’s pretty sure she’s already made it clear that he has no control over whether she stays or goes, but she’s itching to start the long journey. “I don’t need your permission to go,” she says, glancing up at him. Kylo opens his mouth, most likely to make another empty threat, but she cuts him off. “But fine...I promise.” Whether she’s sincere about it or not, she doesn’t even know herself.  
    He nods silently, satisfied with her response, and steps aside to let her through. Moving past him with determination in her every step, she feels him follow, but keep a comfortable distance between them.  
    As they walk, the sun fiercely beaming down on them, the effects of the infection begin to seep into every nook and cranny of her body. Usually, she could walk hours in the desert without breaking a sweat, but now she already feels both physically and mentally drained. Despite the dizziness threatening to topple her over, Rey pushes on, refusing to accept the possibility that maybe her coming wasn’t the greatest idea. Part of her wonders if Kylo has already caught onto the change in her condition. Every time her soft footsteps stop for even a moment, he’s suddenly at her side, ready to help her. Seeing that she’s merely stopped to catch her breath, he pretends that it’s for some other reason: to take a sip of water or ask her about the village’s location again. It’s definitely annoying but also kind of...endearing?  
    But this time, when Kylo approaches her, matching his strides with her own, it’s for a different reason. Keeping his gaze focused ahead, he clears his throat. “We need to talk.”  
    Rey snorts, her sarcastic laughter echoing through the empty desert. “We are talking.”  
    Sighing, he runs his hands through his hair, a nervous tick she’s starting to notice. The solemn look on his face makes her laughter die out, worry for what he might say replacing it. “What is it, Kylo?” Her whisper makes him stop in his tracks, but he still doesn’t face her.  
    “I...I’ve been feeling something,” he pauses, slowly shaking his head like he himself can’t believe what he’s saying. “And I know you feel it too.”  
    But before she can ask him what the hell he’s talking about, a shrill horn rings out, deafening in comparison to the peaceful silence of the dunes. Whipping around, she searches the horizon for the cause. Rey knows that sound. Stories whispered around campfires had warned her what it would bring. It was danger, violence in a single tone. On Jakku, it was the only thing that could send her sprinting to safety without a second thought. It was a battle cry.  
Snatching her lightsaber from her belt, the deep blue beam rises from the hilt, reminding her that she’s stronger than she was then. The Force, mysterious and powerful, is on her side now. Kylo assumes the same defensive position, his crackling, fiery red saber a stark contrast from her more calm, quietly fierce one.  
    “Sand people,” she snarls through gritted teeth. And like a response to some kind of call, the creatures emerge one by one on top of the dunes, surrounding them. Long, brown robes cover their strongly built bodies, and with animalistic masks covering their faces, they live up to the picture of true barbarians she had painted in her head as a girl.  
Her body instinctively lines up with Kylo’s, forming a defensive front, like fighting with him is more natural than breathing.  
    “Okay,” Rey whispers under her breath. “Let’s do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, my lovely Reylos! Hopefully you like this chapter and the strange sort of bond forming between Kylo Ren and Rey. It's so much fun to write :)  
> I've decided, in order to balance school work with producing quality chapters, that I'm going to start posting weekly (probably on Sundays or Mondays) instead of every couple of days. If it does take longer than that, I apologize in advance. I've been really stressed recently and haven't had so much time for my fanfiction.  
> Also, thank you for all your comments! They really mean a lot and they inspire me to keep writing <3


	12. Torn

    Kylo charges first, his body moving so fast that he is merely a streak of black across the pale dunes, Rey desperately trying to stay close behind. This is not her style at all…she has been taught by Luke to always wait for your opponent to attack first, to use violence only when necessary. But when it should feel wrong, it actually feels exhilarating, flying across the desert and charging with pure power and ferocity. The sand people don’t have time to react before they’re already upon them, their two sabers striking down their nearest enemies at almost the same instant. As they begin to fight back though, the two are split, each ingrained in their own battle. Her blood pumping her full of adrenaline, Rey is a tornado, spinning and slashing and destroying everything in her path. The sand people are skilled fighters, but it's their sheer numbers that makes them a difficult foe.  
    She parries one of the creature’s blows, knocking the strongly built staff out of their hands. There’s only just enough time to strike them down, before she has to quickly turn around, blocking an attack from another one she senses behind her. He attacks, once, twice, surprisingly forcing her to lose precious ground. Anger floods through Rey when she’s almost hit on the head, barely dodging the spiked club. Baring her teeth, she kicks him square in the chest, toppling the sand person over.  
    She’s just starting to turn around, to rush back into battle, but something makes her panting form face her defeated opponent again. In that moment, towering over the helpless creature, a power takes over her. It reminds her of what she felt when she took down Kylo on Starkiller base. A little voice had whispered in her head, encouraged her to kill the man who had brought her so much pain, the man she hated. But this time...there is no fighting it. Desperately, she searches for the Force, for the light, only to sink deeper into the darkness. It's like quicksand: the more she tries to escape, the more lost she becomes. It’s everywhere and it’s intoxicating and it wants one thing. She wants one thing.  
    _Kill_.  
    Before her opponent can get up, her lightsaber is running him through, the life draining from his eyes instantaneously. For that split second before he dies, while his fear is still palpable in the air, Rey feels unbelievably powerful, the wave of darkness surging around her. And she _likes_ it. But then it's over, and the realization of her actions is enough to chase the cloud of evil away. Staggering back, her knees give out, and she falls to the ground in front of the corpse. The battle fades away, and it's just her, trying to force her lungs to remember how to breath. This is all wrong. This is not who she is. She doesn’t kill unless there is absolutely no other choice...and she’s definitely not suppose to enjoy it. Just the thought of the pleasure that had flashed through her at taking another’s life makes her sick to her stomach. And the darkness she felt…  
    Reaching out tentatively, her hand gently brushes the unmoving body. _What have I done?_  
    Closing her eyes and focusing on deep, steadying breaths, Rey wishes Luke was here to tell her that everything would be alright, to guide her. But she’s all alone, struggling to keep herself from drowning in the weight of what just happened. When her eyes open again, she’s left feeling empty and cold, wanting nothing but to stay in this spot, to be punished for so easily being tempted by the dark side. The person she’s become, the person she’s becoming, she doesn’t recognize. Why can’t she just go back to Ahch-To, back when she was full of light and hope and love?  
    It’s only been mere moments, but to Rey it feels like hours. Despite how bad she wants to just slip away, the sounds of the still raging battle drag her back to reality, reminding her that just because her world stopped turning, doesn’t mean the rest of the world waits. Kylo is fiercely fighting off the sand people and easily cutting them down with grace and precision, probably the reason why no one has yet to attack her. She’s transfixed by the oddly beautiful sight, and without her telling it to, her body rises back up, her legs carrying her closer to him like a magnet. But her movement is stopped in its tracks when she spots a sand person, close enough to her that she could reach out and touch him. He hasn’t noticed her, as he’s back on, instead facing Kylo. A strange looking weapon extends from his right hand, a blaster of some sorts, aimed directly at the man who’s soon to win this fight. And the dark, spinning form takes no notice of the threat, continuing to fight with a never ending intensity. If no one stops him, this creature is going to kill Kylo Ren.  
    Rey stays frozen, her mind racing. She can picture it in her head: her turning away, slipping from the battle without any of the sand people noticing or caring enough to come after her. She won’t even have to watch his tall form crumple. Perhaps she’ll hear a noise, or feel something in the Force, but she’d be leaving with no blood on her hands. And Kylo, he was the one who was doing this to her. He was the one changing her, tempting her, persuading her to fall from the light. If he hadn’t abducted her on Marawai, came into her life like a hurricane on a one way path to destruction, she wouldn’t be in this position right now. Struggling between two sides of the force. Being torn apart. Him dying right now would solve all of that. She could rush home to Ahch-To, run right into Poe’s embrace, and Luke would know how to fix all of this.  
    Right?  
    But then Rey sees him, carrying her off Marawai, defending her from the army of stormtroopers. She sees him in that tiny metal room, desperately trying not to feel human again, and listening to her quiet pleas. Memories flash through her head, like someone, or _something_ , is playing them for her. Him saving her from the destroyed shuttle, cradling her injured body, and risking his own life in the process. His body shielding her own as he fought off the wild dogs, and the way he had touched her after, tying them together in an inexplicable, impossible way. Two broken souls making their way back to some semblance of safe, under an endless sky. His body on top of hers, his arms, his chest, his lips, his _heart_ , so close. She can feel it now, how much she wanted to become a part of him in that moment, how much she wanted to breach the divide between them in a single breath. And part of her still does.  
    And then she is flying at the creature, screaming at the top of her lungs, “Kylo!”  
    Just as he turns around, his eyes widening at the weapon aimed at him, Rey’s throwing herself at the sand person with everything she has. They both topple over together, her small body crashing on top of him hard. Relief fills her when she doesn't hear a shot fire, when she realizes she’s not too late. Before the creature can protest, she rips the shiny silver blaster out of his gloved hands, quickly pointing it at him. And just like that, the confusion and doubt, it’s over.  
    Panting, Rey slowly gets back up, keeping the weapon purposefully trained on the defeated sand person. At the sound of heavy footsteps, her head whips around, her whole body still on edge from the recent events. Dark eyes and hair greet her, the man she just saved to her own surprise. From her peripheral vision, Rey sees the sand person scramble into a standing position, sprinting away towards the lonely dunes. But she doesn’t care now. Her full attention is focused on Kylo. He approaches, his eyes travelling up her shaking figure, taking in her darting eyes and messy hair. The roles are reversed now; it’s her who feels like a single string is keeping her tied to the ground and not drifting away in the desert breeze.  
    Gently, he pries the blaster from her white, trembling fingers. “Thank you for saving me,” he says softly, taking one of her hands in his own and tracing soothing circles on her palm with the calloused pad of his thumb.  
    “I...I killed him,” she whispers, her gaze drifting to the unmoving corpse, still as cold and dead as she left it, her breath catching in a desperate struggle to hold back inevitable tears. She doesn’t need to say anything else, because he knows. He knows it’s not just about killing the sand person, or even the choice she made to save his life. He knows that it was the dark side, intoxicating and scary and all consuming, taking over her mind and swallowing everything good and pure. And he knows it, because he’s been through it himself.  
    When Kylo nods, with more understanding than she deserves, the bough breaks. Violent sobs wrack through her body, and despite the shame she feels at crying in front of him, she lets the emotion flow through her. And it feels good, to just stand there, letting everything else melt away, and _feel_. The sadness, the disappointment, the anger, the confusion. All of it. Her hands go up to her face, because despite how liberating it feels, Rey still doesn’t want Kylo to see her like this. But just as she’s turning around, so he doesn’t have to watch such a private moment, a pair of strong arms pull her into an even stronger embrace. Hands tangle in her hair, and pressing her cheek against his chest, she relaxes in his hold. He’s everywhere, his scent filling her nose and his steady heartbeat echoing in her ears. She’s been close to him, but this is somehow more personal, more intimate. For a while, they stay like that, Kylo patiently waiting for her to be ready to let go. And even when her shaking stops, he continues to rub the small of her back, whispering words of encouragement in her ear.  
    Eventually, they break apart, leaving Rey feeling a little less empty than she did before. With the adrenaline leaving her body, she suddenly starts to feel the effects of the infection in full force. Noticing how unstable she seems, Kylo drapes an arm around her shoulder, allowing her to lean against him for support.  
    “We’ll be there soon, I promise,” he says as they start making their way across the sea of dunes. “One of them was carrying a map, and you were right. There’s a village just a little ways south of here.” A small smile creeps onto his face, giving her some credit for her small victory.  
    Her head bobs up and down, but Rey’s barely paying attention to him, the ache in both her heart and body too much to bear. But it’s not just her who’s shouldering this burden now, it’s Kylo too, who despite everything, still refuses to give up on her.  
    She’s never been so conflicted about something, about someone, before. Who he’s been and who he might become, they’re intertwined now, blurring the lines that seemed so clear before. Rey wants to drag him back to the light, to a hopeful future, but what he did in the past keeps reminding her that he’s a killer, the enemy. That he doesn’t deserve to be redeemed. And then there’s Poe...who’s never made her feel torn like this, never been anything else but pure and good. Who loves her with all of his heart and is a part of her happiness, her soul, her very being. He’s always at the back of her mind, making Rey feel like every moment she spends with Kylo is a betrayal to him.  
    But for right now, there’s more important things to deal with besides her feelings towards the two men. Grasping onto his arm for dear life, his muscles flexing under her fingers, they walk away from the carnage and destruction and towards the village, towards something like hope.  
\------  
    About two hours later, they reach the tiny village, nestled in the valley between two massive sandstone hills. Rey’s condition has deteriorated since the battle with the sand people, her fever taking hold and leaving her shivering and sweating at the same time. Kylo curses under his breath when she nearly collapses, and picks up the pace, dragging her towards an abandoned campsite on the outskirts of town. Delirious with pain, she lets him help her into a small tent, her body threatening to give out on her at any moment. Fortunately, the shelter is empty besides a small cot, it’s owner probably another victim of the desert.  
    Suddenly feeling lightheaded, Rey stumbles on her way to the cot. “I’ve got you,” Kylo whispers, catching her just in time and helping her lie down on the flimsy bed.  
    His hand goes to her forehead first, noting her temperature, and then to her wound, lifting up the bandage to check the infection. She doesn’t even have to look down to tell how bad it is. Kylo’s face, which turns to stone, says it all.  
    Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, he leans in close. “I’ll be back soon,” he says gruffly. “Just stay here, okay? Just hold on.”  
    He starts to get up, to walk away from her, but her hand shoots out, catching his wrist. “No,” Rey whispers through chattering teeth. “I...I’m going with you.” She makes a pathetic attempt to try to get up, but only ends up collapsing back on the cot with exhaustion.  
    A whisper of a sad smile plays on Kylo’s lips. “You’re strong, stronger than anyone I know, but sometimes you have to let people help you.” He bites his lip, pulling his wrist back, but her fingers don’t budge. Despite the fact her mind can’t seem to form a rational thought, Rey knows one thing: she doesn’t want to be alone. She doesn’t want him to go.  
    “Don’t...don’t leave me,” she breathes, feeling herself starting to slip into unconsciousness. She fights to keep from drowning in the darkness, but it's too hard.  
    “I won’t,” she hears him whisper, and the last thing she sees before her eyes close is his tall figure rushing out of the tent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So what did you guys think of this chapter? Is Rey turning to the darkside?  
> Sorry that this is a little late. I actually caught the flu and was sick for a bit, so I haven't been able to write. But just to get you excited for the next chapter, especially for those of you who are loving this torturous slow burn, I will say that there is a very important moment coming up soon for these two dorks...;)  
> Anyways, thanks for reading and leaving all your lovely comments <3


	13. Change

    Rey drifts in and out of consciousness, like she’s fighting to keep her head above a wave of darkness, and every time she surfaces, the current drags her under again. For hours, she lies on the flimsy cot, tossing and turning, her sweating body on fire and shivering from the cold at the same time. But above the ache in her muscles, the difficulty to push a full breath into her lungs, and the constant urge to throw up the meager contents of her stomach, she feels overwhelmingly lonely. That thought, the fear of dying alone, dominates her mind whenever the fever breaks long enough for her _to_ think. Her whole life, she’s believed that it was an inevitable thing: her passing away without anyone in the world giving a damn. But now Rey has people she cares about, people she loves, like Poe, Finn, Luke...maybe even Kylo. And she wants them here, now, to hold her hand and tell her everything is going to be alright. But after everything, it’s just her again, facing something scary and terrible and pretending to be strong.  
    Her thoughts become less rational as the pain worsens, her periods of consciousness become fewer and far in between. Faces dance in front of her blurry eyes, and she reaches out, only to have them disappear, slipping through her trembling fingers like grains of sand. A handsome dark haired man, a lost little girl, an ancient ghost whose wisdom seems to defy words, they all emerge from the darkness, and she knows they’re trying to tell her something that she just can’t seem to hear. But then she’s gone again.  
    A while later, a noise from inside the tent jolts Rey awake, her eyes fluttering open with a start. The most beautiful face she’s ever seen hovers above her shaking form, dark curls framing a kind smile, thoughtful eyes, and a perfect sprinkle of moles. Through a haze of pain, she watches the man, light shining through his hair and making him seem angelic. Certain that this is another hallucination, Rey’s hand weakly extends up, surprise making her blink with confusion when he doesn’t melt away at her touch.  
    “I’m here now,” she hears a voice say, but it's like she’s underwater, desperately listening in on the noises above and only getting bits and pieces. “Everything… be okay...promise.”  
    She wants to stay, to hear the rest, but then the wave of darkness is back, tugging her down and away from his light. His figure blurs, replacing the hope radiating off of him with a sea of black.  
\-------  
    Her eyelids flutter open, and a world of light fills her still hazy sight. Moaning, Rey uses a stiff hand to shield her eyes from the blinding brightness. Once they finally adjust, her hand drops, allowing her to get a good look at her surroundings. A soft breeze drifts through the tent, rustling the canvas entrance and allowing the sunlight from outside to enter. Everything in her brain is fuzzy right now, memories trickling in like a lazy stream. Rey vaguely remembers stumbling in here, the infection from the dog bite ravaging her body. That would mean this tent is safe, and she relaxes at the thought. Besides that, the first thing she notices is a lack of pain. The constant ache, the sharp, shooting agony that had taken over everyone of her muscles, is gone now. For a split second, the idea that she might be dead flashes through her mind. It would explain why the place she’s awoken to seems too good to be true.  
    Rey instinctively tries to bring her left hand up to run through her messy hair, only to find it caught in some kind of hold. She tugs once, panic setting her on edge, but it's stuck with no signs of budging. Looking down, she realizes it's in the strong grip of an enormous hand. Her gaze follows the length of the arm connected to it, up to a pair of broad shoulders, and finally to the sleeping face of Kylo Ren. He’s slumped over in a clearly too small chair, a tangle of tall limbs awkwardly positioned to just barely fit. She can’t help but chuckle under her breath at his clear uncomfort, and the fact that he bore it just to keep watch over her and hold her hand.  
    Pushing herself up into a sitting position, she pulls her hand once more, gentler than before, and Kylo finally stirs. For a moment before he realises that she’s awake, he’s just a carefree man, rousing from a peaceful slumber. Rey watches him intently, trying to memorize every bit of this version of him, in case she never gets to see it again. But then his pitch black eyes meet hers, and he nearly flies out of his seat.  
    “You’re awake,” He whispers, his voice laced with doubt, like she might suddenly disappear. With his free hand, he tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear, sighing in relief. “I...I wasn’t sure if it was going to work. I thought I was too late.”  
    She nods slowly, but to be perfectly honest, she’s more focused on his lips, the way they move to form each word. Even though her fever and the hallucinations have broken, he still looks ethereal: a dark angel stepping back into the light. And she finds herself wanting to join him in that light, her heart stuttering every time his head moves, sending curls flying around his face. “I think I’m okay,” Rey finally responds, glancing away and desperately trying to control whatever the hell she’s feeling.  
    His fingers move to her cheek, his thumb carefully caressing her flushed skin. Slowly, Kylo brings her face back around to his own, the look in his eyes making her shiver. From this close, she realizes how thick and long his lashes are, how they complement his boyish features. “I thought I lost you.”  
    Biting her lip, Rey brings herself closer to him, gripping his arm to steady herself. It feels like her whole body is on fire, like he’s the sun, and getting close to his brilliance means getting burnt and maybe even consumed, but somehow it’s worth it. “I’m right here.”  
    His eyes drift down to her lips, still caught between her teeth, and the heat of his stare makes her sharply inhale, momentarily breaking the silence. It’s more than tension in the air now… it's something powerful and beautiful and enticing that promises to have repercussions, repercussions that could destroy them both. But for once in her life, she doesn’t want to think about consequences. She _can’t_. Everything has faded away except for the sound of two pounding hearts.  
    In a blink his full lips are only a hair's width away, their shaking breaths the only thing filling the distance between them. Staring at him, Rey has never wanted something more in her life. _Someone_ more. But right now, she could still turn away, pretend this, these feelings, aren’t real. They haven’t crossed the point of no return. Everything hasn’t changed...yet.  
    “Rey.” He says, cupping her face with both of his rough hands. His voice is barely a whisper, just loud enough for her to hear, and the way her name tumbles from his mouth sends goosebumps racing down her arm. And then his lips are on hers, closing the distance between them, breaking down every single wall she’s ever built.  
    For a second, she’s too awestruck by how soft and sweet he kisses her to move, to even breath. Rey can tell that he’s restraining himself, trying to be as gentle as possible. But then she leans in, meeting him with a passion that even surprises herself, her hands reaching up and tangling in his thick, dark locks. And he immediately responds, the kiss becoming messy as their built up need is finally released. One of his arms fall from her cheek, snaking around her waist and bringing her trembling form closer to his own. Their bodies melt together, like they were molded for each other, and she slowly rises up and off the bed. She doesn't want there to be anything separating them, especially not something as trivial as space, because this is more than just kissing. It’s their beings, their souls, becoming one, and as the kiss deepens, she feels the Force swell around them in a burst of light.  
    Rey drinks him in, unsure of how she’s ever lived without his taste, his touch, his smell. Parting her lips slightly, her hands roam his back, clutching on to him for dear life. Every part of her body is filled with desire and excitement, and every touch sends fire coursing through her. Even with Poe, she’s never felt anything near this.  
    _Poe_.  
    Memories of him flash through her mind: his laughter, his body cradling her own, him fighting in battle with her and always putting her first, and his love. No strings attached. No questions or judgement. Just pure, good, perfect love. And this is how she repays him.  
    As Kylo starts to pull her closer, Rey jerks back, pushing against his strong chest. What once was a passionate embrace has become claustrophobic and _wrong_. She has to get away. She has to stop this. Now.  
    “Kylo!” She shoves against him with all of her strength, and this time he releases her, his arms dropping to his sides.  
    Panting, Rey runs her hands through her hair, trying to figure out how she could have possibly let this happen. How she had let this monster into her life, into her heart, into the fortress of her feelings. How she had betrayed Poe, the one person who has always defended and trusted her.  
    “What’s wrong?” Concern is etched into Kylo’s face, his brows wrinkled in confusion.  
    “What...what’s wrong?” Rey shoots back, incredulous. “Everything! I-” she huffs out a frustrated breath, refusing to meet his eyes, “I kissed you. You kissed me. This was not supposed to happen.” Her feet begin to pace without her telling them to, anger taking a hold of her mind.  
    “I know,” Kylo whispers, approaching her again, and wrapping his arms around her waist, “And there’s going to be consequences for both of us, but we’ll figure it out together.”  
    Furiously shaking her hand, she rips his arms off of her. “No,” Rey yells, backing away from him. “You don’t know! You don’t know anything about me!” Clenching her fists to keep from punching something, she spits out, “I’m in love, Kylo. With a good man, who isn’t a killer or a monster like you. A stupid kiss doesn’t change anything!”  
   Kylo’s face darkens as she speaks, the unmistakable glint of black anger appearing in his eyes. “Poe, you mean,” he snarls, “the reckless resistance pilot.” He steps closer, looming over her seething form. She’s only seen the look on his face once before, when Poe and her sprinted through the alleys of Marawai, trying to escape the hurricane of destruction that was their pursuer. Seeing it up close, Rey knows exactly what it is now.  
    “What, are you jealous?” She snaps back, straightening out her back to make herself as tall as possible and putting on her fiercest face. It’s petty, yes, but Rey can’t stand being talked down to, especially by him.  
    When Kylo glances away, she knows it true. The Master of the Knights of Ren, the apprentice of Supreme Leader Snoke, is _jealous_ of her boyfriend. And she’s just exposed it.  
    He’s obviously thrown off guard by her allegation, but regains his composure after a moment, turning back to face her with even more fury. “It doesn’t matter,” he grits out, his voice malicious and unfeeling, “because he won’t be alive for much longer.”  
Taking a step back, her mind desperately tries to process his words. “What…what do you mean?”  
    “I mean,” Kylo says without a hint of sympathy, “I contacted the First Order when I went to the village to get the medicine.” He leans in close so his breath tickles her face, using his body and voice as a weapon of fear. “They got to tell me the fortunate news that the piece of rebel scum you claim to love was captured recently. And since he could provide no useful information, he will be executed for crimes against the Order.”  
    Rey tries to force a breath into her lungs, but it's like he’s kicked her in the chest, knocking the air out of her. She stumbles back, desperately trying to put as much space in between her and Kylo as possible, the ringing in her ears drowning out the sounds of the desert outside. How could this be happening? While she was kissing this monster, the fate of Poe’s life was being decided. “No,” she finds herself whispering out loud, struggling to reclaim control over her actions.  
    _Poe’s going to die. Poe’s going to die. Poe’s going to die, and you could’ve saved him._  
    _Wait_ …she could still save him, attempt to fix this catastrophic mess she helped create. It isn't too late. And it won’t be too late until his heart stops beating.  
    Straightening out with determination, Rey decides in that moment nothing and no one will become between her and saving Poe’s life. Charging ahead without sparing a glance at Kylo, she starts towards the entrance of the tent, some semblance of a plan developing in her mind as she walks. Stealing a ship is easy now. Since she’s already in the village, a simple Force trick and a shuttle would be served to her on a silver platter. Finding the First Order base where Poe is being held captive and infiltrating it, however, is an entirely different matter. Something Rey can wait to think about when she’s already hurtling through space. But then Kylo’s tall form steps in front of her, derailing her train of thought and blocking her path outside.  
   “Get the hell out of my way before I kill you, Kylo,” she snarls viciously, almost believing the mostly empty threat herself. “Right now.”  
    “I don’t think so.” Before she can push past him, he grabs her arm so hard she can already feel bruises forming. “As you said, a kiss doesn’t change anything. You’re still my prisoner, and the only place you’re going is to my master.”  
    His eyes tell her everything she needs to know. She’s not getting out of here without a fight. As they stare each other down, Rey’s hand already reaching for the hilt of her lightsaber, one thing is for sure. A kiss _has_ changed everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!  
> I am sooooo sorry for the delay. What did you think of the kiss? I know it's been a very slow burn (and trust me, there's so much more angst to come), so I wanted to make sure the scene was really satisfying. Anyways, I have a big break coming up at school in a week and a half, so I'll probably binge write a bunch of chapters then. Thanks for reading and being so patient! :)


	14. Hurt

    Instinct. That’s what takes over Rey’s body. Muscle memory from not only fighting Luke, but having to defend herself and her scarce belongings from all kinds of barbaric creatures of Jakku. But this time it's not just about her survival, but Poe’s too, and the thought spurs her into action. In a blink, Rey rips her arm out of Kylo’s hold, using the Force to push him away from her and send him flying towards the cot. His tall form crumples against the steel frame, but she knows it won’t do any lasting damage. Starting to turn around, she quickly throws one last glance back at Kylo, hoping that she’ll never see him again, but also finding herself unable to truly hate him. Before he can recover, Rey is diving out of the tent, grabbing her lightsaber and igniting it simultaneously. She’s just about to start running, but before she can take another step, the distinct, angry crackle of a volatile weapon fills her ears. Whipping around, she is greeted by the sight of Kylo Ren, his broad shoulders quickly rising up and down as he staggers towards her, lightsaber in hand. _Shit. Well that was a quicker recovery than I thought it would be._  
    This time, there is no hesitation from Kylo’s side. He strikes first, sending purple sparks flying as their two sabers meet. She parries a vertical slice from the red saber, then immediately ducks to avoid a hit to her head, somersaulting underneath the weapon and springing up to try to catch Kylo off guard. However, he turns around before she can strike him down, defending himself just before the deep blue beam of her lightsaber can meet his shoulder. Forcing him back with a series of jabs towards the chest, Rey surprisingly takes the offensive with little resistance from her opponent. As they battle, spinning and slashing to meet each other’s every move, Rey notices something different about him, about his technique. He’a clearly restraining himself, fighting not like he wants to take her down, but rather to just keep her busy. Its seeming more and more like he just wants to delay her long enough that saving Poe is no longer an option. When she makes the clear mistake of leaving a gap in her defense, a possibly fatal oversight, her suspicions are confirmed. Kylo completely ignores what would be a move to end the battle completely, and instead sloppily executes a strike to her left flank, which she easily parries.   
    This is a cat and mouse game that will never end, at least not like this, and Rey simply doesn’t have the time for it. She needs to get to the village, to the ship, and not waste a second more on Kylo. After a few more clashes of the two sabers, an opportunity arises for her to get out of this pointless fight. Spinning on her heels to give herself enough momentum, Rey manages to knock Kylo’s saber out of his hand. It flies across the sand, rolling to a stop a few feet away. As soon as he reaches out to call it back, his gaze focused on the weapon, she takes off sprinting, with everything she has, towards the village. It's only a short distance away, the small sandstone buildings grouped together in a huddle of bustling life.   
    Her long, brunette hair whips around her face as she pushes her limbs to the breaking point, pumping her arms and legs hard in order to maximize her speed. Her feet pound against the fine sand beneath her, keeping time with her racing heartbeat. From behind her, Kylo’s gruff voice, slightly tinted with desperation, calls out her name. To make matters worse, the sound is way closer than she's comfortable with, close enough that she can feel his dark, brooding Force presence like it's breathing down her neck. She should have waited, calculated, came up with an idea that gave her more time. Rey has the endurance and agility, yes, but unfortunately it’s an inevitable fact that eventually his long strides will catch up to her. She had been counting on more of a head start, _something_ , to delay that long enough for her to find a ship. The village is so near, just out of her reach, but with his heavy footsteps becoming louder by the moment, time is simply running out for her.   
    Suddenly, she is being tackled to the ground, the full force of Kylo’s weight making her hit the sand hard, her saber extinguishing on impact. Using their momentum, Rey manages to roll their joined bodies, trying to land on top of him so he can’t trap her. The attempt is unsuccessful, though, and his body ends up on hers, his tall figure nearly swallowing her completely. Squirming underneath him, Rey struggles to get away, to get away from him, but he keeps her pinned underneath him, her wrists caught in his steel grip.   
    “Stop,” he urges, his face only inches away from hers. But she has no intention of giving up now, and instead grits her teeth and fights harder. Using her fists to beat against his solid chest, she feels like a stubborn child: weak and foolish, and the sentiment only serves to fuel her anger.   
    “Rey, stop,” he repeats louder this time. When one of her punches land it’s mark,with enough force to make him grunt, something snaps. “Rey, just...just STOP!” His roar echoes through the desert, and the strangled fury and desperation in it enough to make her struggle slow, and then end altogether.   
    “I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice is a hoarse whisper, so sincere that it surprises her. For a moment, they watch each other, both panting and trying to steady their racing hearts. And staring into his deep eyes, part of Rey is just done, sick and tired of fighting. But the day she agreed to be Luke’s apprentice was the day that she stepped into an important role in the galaxy, one that could save lives. And she isn’t going to surrender, especially not when every second brings her closer to losing Poe.   
    Finally, she breaks the silence, deciding both of their fates in a single breath. “You already have,” Rey hisses, and before he can respond, she jerks up her right knee, hitting him in exactly the place she had once been told was one of the most vulnerable: right between his legs. Another scavenger on Jakku explained how to do it after she had saved Rey from a thief, saying it was a sure way to take someone down, no matter how big they are. Based on the way Kylo instantly crumples on impact, the woman was definitely right.   
    Using all of her strength, Rey manages to push his weakened body off of her and stands up, quickly clipping her saber onto her belt. Her destination is only a stone’s throw away, and with a revived sense of determination, she charges towards it.   
    Picking up the pace despite the protests from her muscles, Rey enters the narrow streets of the village, frantically searching for something to use against her pursuer. The small, round dwellings are built too low to try to lose Kylo amongst them, and there’s nothing she can use to block his path. As she wracks her brain, curious eyes follow her running form, and she feels not quite hostility, but uneasiness radiate off the inhabitants of this place. That’s when it comes to her. The man chasing her is not only her enemy, but an enemy of the galaxy. Surely these people have been terrorized by him or the First Order before.   
    Slowing just slightly, she whips around, pointing a finger towards the dark figure behind her. “It’s Kylo Ren!” she shouts, her voice echoing through the streets. “Master of the Knights of Ren! Leader of the First Order!”   
    Several murmurs travel through the crowd of bystanders that is beginning to form, and then suddenly a man dressed in simple brown robes steps forward. Revealing a blaster, which he directs at Kylo, he bellows, “You killed my son!”   
    Kylo stops in his tracks, spinning around to face the man and shifting his focus away from her. She can no longer see his face, but based on the fear that flashes in the man’s eyes, he is definitely not happy. When Kylo ignites his lightsaber, the deep red a stark contrast against the pale sand setting, several more villagers join the man, and Rey knows she has the fight she wanted. Turning away, she hears the first blaster shot ring through the air, followed by several more. Although she does want to know what's going on, if Kylo has possibly been taken care of, the most important thing right now is locating a way off this planet.   
    As she dodges several people walking past her, Rey scans the horizon for any signs of something to get her off this goddamn planet. Past the sandstone buildings that dot the village, a lone shuttle sits at the end of a street to her left. It’s compact, with clear signs of harsh work in the desert and small wings that jut out of its side like an afterthought, rust and dents covering every inch of it. Although she prides herself on being an expert on spacecrafts, she can’t identify the model, probably because it seems older than this planet is. Even for her it looks barely flyable, but there isn’t exactly another choice right now. Sprinting towards the ship, Rey remains very much aware of the sounds of battle behind her, a sure sign that Kylo still hasn’t been taken down, and is therefore still a threat.   
    When she reaches the end of the narrow street, slowing to a jog, she carefully approaches the shuttle, keeping an eye out for its owner. But the little shack next to the ship seems to be empty, and with most of the people she’s seen heading towards the fight, Rey figures that stealing this ship is going to be easier than she thought.   
    “Would’ve prefered a tin can,” she mutters under her breath, approaching the rusted side of the sad little shuttle and reaching out to open the door to the cockpit.  
    “Sadly, we don’t have any of those there.” The husky voice startles her, and with her body still on edge from her game of cat and mouse with Kylo, she whips around, ready to ignite her lightsaber.   
    An old man greets her, the marks of time etched into his wrinkled face. His eyes are what she notices first; they sparkle with a certain glint of happiness and life that one wouldn’t expect from someone that age. Despite his wispy white hair and hunched back, Rey can tell this man can certainly take care of himself. And there’s something about him, something she feels connected to...but there simply isn’t time to try to figure out what exactly it is. She needs to get the ship, one way or another, and get the hell out of here. But she also really doesn’t want to harm him, so after quickly weighing her options, she decides that compulsion is the best option.   
    Focusing her mind and feeling the Force flow through her, Rey stares down the man. “You will give me this ship,” she says with a calm, clear, determined voice, “and leave-”   
    His gruff laughter interrupts her, shocking her into silence. “Oh, it's been a long time since somebody has tried to use mind tricks on me. You know, I actually felt it for a moment.” He beams at her with pride, in a way that tugs at something inside of her.   
    Still completely at a loss for words, she only watches as he closes the distance between them, gently laying a hand on her shoulder. “Your grandfather was quite fond of using mind tricks as well, it’s probably where you get your talent for them.” His eyes meet hers, and this time when she feels that pull again, she knows exactly what it is: the Force, pure and light. “I always knew you would grow to be just strong in the Force as he was.” Patting her shoulder gently, the man sighs deeply. “He would be proud of you.”  
    Finally working up the courage to say something, she looks up at him with confusion. “My grandfather?”   
    But the man isn’t listening to her. Instead, he’s staring towards town, where the sounds of battle have grown louder and closer. “You must go now. The ship is yours, so use it well.”  
    “But-”  
    “Another time,” he cuts her off, pushing her towards the ship. “Now go.” He pulls open the metal door, helping her inside. Before he can close it, she takes one last look at him, getting the distinct feeling that she’s met this man before.  
    “May the Force be with you,” he says, less like a hope and more like a promise. “Always.”  
    And then the door is shut, and Rey is all alone in the stuffy cockpit. For a second, she stares at the door, longing to push it open and interrogate the man until he tells her everything he knows about her family. How can she just stand here, and watch her one link to the truth slip through her fingers? Sighing, she sits down on what looks to be the pilot chair. The brown leather has mostly flaked off and the seat groans under her weight, giving her the sense that it could give out at any moment, but she doesn’t have another choice. About the seat, or the ship, or even learning about her family.   
    Because its Poe. It _has_ to be Poe.   
    After quickly taking stock of the controls she has to work with, Rey starts up the engine, the machine humming under her fingers. It seems to be in at least a slightly better condition than she originally thought, as the ship hasn’t fallen apart...well, not yet. She’s just about to start preparing for takeoff, when a noise breaks the silence in the little ship, and she glances up at the window of the cockpit.   
    Its Kylo, running for his life, or more accurately, limping for his life. Rey can tell by the way his left leg drags behind him as he moves that he’s been shot by a blaster. At least ten men, definitely villagers, all armed and shooting, chase after his tall figure. Luckily for Rey, none of them have spotted her or the ship yet. She could still easily get out of here without them noticing before it's too late, but she'd also be leaving Kylo here to die. He’s outnumbered and injured...if not today, then soon. These people want revenge, and they will hunt him across the desert, she’s sure of it, until he’s dead.   
    _Well, he deserves it_ , she thinks as her fingers curl around the switch that will send her into the air. He wants to stop her from saving Poe. He won’t be able to do that if he’s dead. He won’t be able to hurt anyone else if he’s dead.   
    But her hand won’t, _can’t_ move. “Shit,” she mutters, blowing out a breath in frustration. “What the hell is wrong with me?”  
    And then she is bursting out of the ship, and sprinting towards the sea of laser blasts, where Kylo is fighting the villagers. She spares a hasty glance around for the old man, but he’s disappeared, so she focuses her attention back on Kylo. His crackling red lightsaber is a blur as he slashes and parries, desperately trying to deflect all the blaster shots. She can see it in his eyes, though, that he knows he may not get out of this alive. But then he notices her, fiercely running towards him, and she swears that she sees something like a smile play on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So I actually have two weeks off school, and I'm going to try to write as much I can during that time (hopefully no more delays).   
> Also, have you seen the Last Jedi Trailer? Because it was sooo good and definitely reminded me of why I'm such a dork for Reylo (lots of inspiration for more fanfics too...especially that SCAR!)   
> Let me know what you thought of this chapter and the new trailer in the comments :)


	15. Recover

    As her feet fly across the sand, Rey reaches out to the Force, shutting out the sounds of battle and calming her racing heart. It flows through her, filling her with strength and clarity. Targeting the man nearest to Kylo, she turns her mind into a weapon, throwing the villager into the air and back onto the ground hard enough to knock him out, but not to do any permanent damage. She takes out the next villager the same way, giving Kylo the opportunity to gain some ground and earning a small nod of gratitude from him.  
    Closing the last bit of distance between them, the pair are now side by side, and Rey is finally starting to be shot at as well. In the back of her mind, Rey wonders why she’s here, why she’s being fired at for _Kylo Ren_ , when she could instead being jetting of this awful planet. Maybe, in a way, she knows exactly why...but just doesn’t want to admit to herself. Pushing the thought out of her head, she quickly ignites her lightsaber, her body taking on her natural fighting stance and creating a defensive front with Kylo. Once again, she’s overcome with the feeling of how natural fighting with him is, how she instinctively protects both Kylo and herself from the blaster shots. Together, their footsteps in sync, they slowly move forward despite the onslaught of laser beams ricocheting of their sabers.  
    Soon Kylo gets close enough to take out another villager, in a more violent way then she would’ve prefered, while Rey fights two other men. Striking one down with her saber, and kicking the other one square in the chest, she quickly moves on to her next opponent. Knocking the blaster out of his hands with the Force, she jumps back, nearly avoiding a punch in the stomach from the villager. She’s just about to strike back, but then from the corner of her eye, Rey sees a whole group of villagers, all armed, running down the street. Too many. Way too many.  
    “Kylo!” She shouts at the tall figure, who’s completely distracted by his own fight. He whips around to face her, sending dark curls flying, and she quickly jerks her head towards the incoming reinforcements. _Time to go_ , Rey says through their Force Bond, simultaneously knocking out the man she had been battling.  
    He nods once, then spins back around to finish off his own opponent. Knowing that he will soon follow, Rey takes off, sprinting away from the action and towards the little ship, which she is now even more grateful for. Ripping the door open, she hurries inside, hastily sitting down on the pilot’s chair. Her hands fly around the control panel, checking that the shuttle hasn’t been damaged by any blaster shots gone astray. Her eyes quickly dart up to the window, searching for Kylo. He’s running towards the ship, he’s almost there, but suddenly he stumbles, crumpling on to the ground. For a moment, Rey holds her breath, waiting to see if he’ll get back up. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t move.  
    In that instant, she’s certain that she’s just watched Kylo, the Master of the Knights of Ren, die before her very eyes. And the most surprising thing is that she doesn’t feel relief or any kind of satisfaction, like she told herself she would. Rey just feels empty. Empty and lost and broken. A part of her, a part of that mysterious power inside of her, is just _gone_. And she’s all alone. Her hands slip from the controls, falling onto her lap, and she slumps back in the chair. The tears don’t come, but it's like they can’t, like her body can’t function. To her, it feels like an eternity, but to the rest of the world it's just a blink.  
    And then he moves.  
    Pulling himself up, Kylo’s face contorts in pain as he begins to limp the rest of the way to the ship. When she sees that he’s alive, it's like being awoken from a terrible nightmare, like the life is being breathed back into her. Without wasting a second, she bursts out of the ship, sprinting towards his unsteady form. As soon as she reaches him, Rey grabs his arm and wraps it around her neck, snaking her right arm around his back and keeping him upright. He quietly protests against her help, mumbling something about being perfectly fine. While attempting to shush him, she secretly has the urge to touch his face, to tell him how scared she was when she thought he was dead.  
    Several laser beams whiz past them, and they have to duck to avoid them, Rey grunting in frustration as she nearly loses her grip on Kylo.  
    “I should’ve let you die,” she huffs under her breath, but there’s no sincerity in her voice. Because now….well now she knows what it feel like to think he’s dead.  
    Despite nearly falling herself after the first step, she somehow manages to support his weight under her tiny form, practically dragging him the short distance to the ship. The sound of the pounding footsteps of the villagers growing ever closer and louder echo in her ear, and she has to push away the panic threatening to take over her body. Gritting her teeth in determination, Rey pulls Kylo into the ship, slamming the door shut behind him.  
    His weak body promptly collapses against one of the walls, while Rey jumps into the cockpit, plopping down onto the pilot seat. As the village people begin to fire on the ship, she yanks on the throttle, piloting the little shuttle up and into the air. It's definitely unsteady at first, dipping and diving towards the ground, and then almost crashing altogether, sending villagers scattering in different directions. Kylo grunts loudly when she jerks the shuttle up with all of her strength, but the ship thankfully stabilizes. To be fair, it’s doing well considering the shots it’s taken, but it definitely won’t be able to handle any more damage.  
    Jetting ahead, she quickly gets them as far away as she can, gradually building up altitude as they fly past the village and across the wide expanse of the desert. Before she sends them into lightspeed, Rey takes one last look at the pale sand dunes, her hand hovering over the hyperspace switch. She’s leaving this planet as a different person than she met it...she knows who she is now, who she needs to be with. Nobody is going to make her doubt that anymore, _especially_ not Mr. Darkside behind her. Whatever she felt back when she was sure he had died, it isn’t because there’s something between them. It was because she is good, she is light, and she is definitely going to stay that way.  
    With that thought, she pulls on the switch, and the clear sky and rolling sand dunes are replaced by the swirling, deep blue tunnel of hyperspace. A sigh escapes Rey’s mouth, as the stress and panic works it way out of her body.  
    They’ve made it.  
    But there’s a whole other problem waiting for her outside of the cockpit. Just because she saved his life doesn’t mean anything has changed. They’re still enemies, and she would never again be foolish enough to think that they’re anything else. And although she’d love to sit here forever and ignore him, she can’t. She _did_ decide to save him, yet again, and now she has to deal with the consequences. Again.  
    Despite having no clue what she’s going to do, Rey huffs out a breath, and then heads out of the cockpit. He’s waiting for her, of course, his long form stretched out on one of the two benches lining either wall.  
    A mess of dark curls cover his face, and pushing the hair aside, his pitch black eyes meet hers. “Good thing we’re out of there.” A wince takes over his features as he shifts to get a better view of her. “Always hated sand. It gets everywhere,” he deadpans, but neither of them smile.  
    Something inside of Rey snaps at Kylo’s casual behavior, and she’s officially had it. “I could’ve let you die, you know. You owe me your life,” she snarls, the anger she felt after their kiss flooding back to her. “So now, if you want to stay on this ship and not be dropped into the vaccum of space, if you want me to treat your leg,” Rey pauses, taking a step towards him, “you play by my rules. I’m in control now.”  
    He doesn’t respond, and instead shifts back to his original position, his head resting against the metal wall as his eyes dart away from hers. Taking his silence as a prideful way to agree to her terms, she spins on her heels, starting to rummage around the various shelves dotting the shuttle for a medkit of some kind. If only she had been more smart, thought to grab the medicine Kylo used on her bite before she stormed out of that tent.  
    “You can’t go to the First Order. Not like this.”  
    Kylo’s sudden, strong words startle her, and she whips around, medkit in hand. “Yes, I am. I am going to save Poe. Sorry if that hurts your feelings, but you won't be on this ship for much longer.” Rey snaps back with slightly more venom than she originally intended, closing the distance between them. “I’m dropping you off on the first goddamn planet I find.”  
    “No, what you’re _going_ to do is get yourself killed.” His stare is so intense that it makes her squirm, but it's his voice that gets her. Because he’s not just saying it. Through the Force bond, Rey sees that he believes, with all of his heart, that saving Poe means she will die. Not a possibility, but a simple fact.  
    But she _knows_ that. She’s known that since the instant Kylo told her that Poe was being held captive. The last time Rey encountered the First Order, she barely made it out alive, and only because she had the help of Finn, Han, and Chewbacca, as well as the fact that her enemies weren’t prepared for her new found powers. Now though, she has none of those things on her side.  
    “That doesn’t matter,” she whispers, more to herself than Kylo, echoing her previous thoughts. Kneeling down beside him, her hands find the hole in his pant leg where the blaster hit, the fabric singed an ashy black. Her breath catches slightly when her eyes land on the wound, a sickening mix of burnt skin and gushing blood. Grimacing, she adds, “And besides, you were going to take me to the First Order yourself. To Snoke.”  
    “I made him promise he wouldn’t kill you.” His hand reaches up and pushes a curtain of dark locks off of his face. “It was my one condition.”  
    Huffing, she tries desperately not to glance up at him, instead focusing on starting to asses the wound. “But you still abducted me,” she grits out, pressing on his leg a little too hard, “ripped me away from all the people I love the most. And now I’m going to fix that.” Finally glancing up, her eyes meet Kylo’s dark ones. “I’m getting Poe, the man I love, back. And you can’t stop me.”  
    Turning away, Rey starts to rummage through the medkit, her hand flying through the different dusty pill bottles and tubes of medicine in an attempt to find anything for Kylo’s wound.  
    “Perhaps this would help?”  
    Rey whips around to see Kylo’s arm outstretched, the jar of medicine he had used on her arm tightly clutched in his pale hand.  
    “How...how do you have this?” Rey whispers, her eyebrow scrunched up in disbelief.  
Kylo sighs, looking away from her. “I was worried you might need it again,” he says more to himself than to her, his voice quiet and gentle.  
    Rey’s not quite sure what to say to that. _Why the hell can’t he just stop caring about me?_ So instead she reaches out and takes the little metal jar from him, careful to avoid touching his skin. Maybe its because she doesn’t trust herself anymore, that somehow physical contact will make her slip up again. For a second, they stay like that: both of them silent, Rey quietly picking at the jar in her hands, lost in thought.  
    “Well...thanks I guess.” It comes out softer and less sarcastic than she had planned. “But you’re the one who needs it now.” Just as Rey’s about to open the jar, she pauses for a second. Healing Kylo’s wound would mean losing one of her only advantages over him, would mean possibly losing control of the ship. Glancing up at Kylo, she takes in his too pale face, shallow breath, and features contorted in pain. And his eyes….those _damn_ eyes. Carefully, she scoops out some of the white cream out of the jar, mentally kicking herself for letting him have any power over her.  
    But it would be fine, right? If he tried to take the ship, she would just kick his ass.  
    As she gently spreads the medicine across his wound, she feels his eyes still on her, but she ignores him entirely. After she’s finished, Rey grabs a piece of gauze, one of the few useful items in the medkit, and tightly wraps it around the strong muscle of Kylo’s upper leg. Shifting back slightly, she assesses her work.  
    “I can’t stop you, can I?”  
    Finally glancing up at Kylo, she takes in his defeated stance, and it's clear that they both know the answer. But he looks at her expectantly, awaiting a response.  
    A sigh escapes her lips, and she finds herself sitting down next to Kylo on the edge of the concrete bench. Her body tenses at their surprising proximity, and she sees him do the same, the Force sparking between them. They’re not too close, though. Never too close.  
    “No, Kylo. You can’t stop me.” Muttering under her breath, she adds, “You can try, but we both know how that’ll end up.”  
    In a very uncharacteristically Kylo way, he rolls his eyes, smirking at her snarky response. And then he says something that shocks her even more.  
    “Then I’m coming with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So what do you think of Kylo wanting to help Rey save Poe? Does he have good intentions, or does he have an agenda of his own?  
> The next chapter is less action-packed, and focuses on more development of Rey and Kylo's relationship. As a little preview, I'll tell you the name of the next chapter, which is called "Ben".  
> Also, I have a tumblr now if you want to follow me for more Reylo goodness. My handle is fleetribeiro :)


	16. Ben

    “What? Why the hell would you want to help me?” Rey doesn’t even bother to hide the sheer disbelief in her voice.  
    “Because,” Kylo starts, pushing himself forward to get a better look at her, “we just talked about this. You trying to save the _pilot_ , all alone, is only going to end one way: you getting yourself killed. And if there is one thing we can agree on, it’s that we both don’t want you to die.” He stares at her, pleading with his eyes for her to see how sincere he is.  
    But he does have a point, though. Even if he didn’t genuinely care about her, he still needs her alive if he wants to take her to Snoke. “Well, how do I know that you won’t turn on me? Turn me into the First Order the second we set foot on their base?”  
    He nods to himself, silently taking her argument into consideration. “I don’t think I can say anything to fully convince you, but let me make something clear. I have no interest in turning you into the First Order and letting Hux get his grubby fingers on you. The only person I plan on delivering you to is Snoke, and Snoke alone, and he wouldn’t be on a base. The _only_ time I could turn on you is after we save the pilot, and then I would be outnumbered two to one.” His eyes burn into hers, trying to read her thoughts.  
    Turning away from him, she lets the idea sit in her head for a second. It’s a risk for sure, with no real benefit for Kylo. But it's true. She really, really needs help. And if it's Poe’s life on the line, shouldn’t she be willing to take risks? Willing to put her own life and freedom on the line to get to him? And even if Kylo did turn on her, at least she would be on the base, farther than she could probably get by herself. Rey would just have to watch him carefully, make sure to keep the upper hand.  
    _Shit_. She shouldn’t have healed that damn leg.  
    “Look,” Kylo continues, and she turns to face him. “Me and you, we’re always going to have unfinished business. But that can wait.” His hand reaches out, and for a moment Rey thinks he’s going to caress her cheek, so she jerks away slightly. With a frustrated sigh, his hand falls back on his lap, his voice taking on a harder edge. “My allegiances haven’t changed, and they won’t. I _am_ still taking you to Snoke. But I’m giving you my word, right now, that I will help you rescue the pilot first. After everything I’ve done, I owe it to you.”  
    Biting her lip, Rey finds herself on the edge of saying yes. It pains her to hear him say that he still wants to bring her to Snoke, but she didn't really expect anything different. As a last precaution though, she takes a dive into his mind, finding no resistance from Kylo. Once again, she is overwhelmed by how prominent she is in his thoughts, and desperately tries to ignore the warmth it causes to spread through her. Besides that, she can see how sincere he is about helping her. There’s clear discontent about _who_ he’s helping her save, but the drive to keep her alive seems to overshadow that.  
    “Okay, fine. You can come.”  
    Kylo nods, opening his mouth to respond, but she cuts him off. “But you’re still playing by my rules. None of this ‘I need to save you, Rey’ bullshit. I can take care of myself, and what I say goes.” Kylo glances away, but she’s not done yet. “I swear Kylo, if you do anything to piss me off, I will finish what I started on Starkiller Base.” Now she’s done.  
    From underneath his dark curls, he surveys her, probably trying to figure out exactly how serious she is. Luckily for both of them, he surprisingly doesn’t argue, instead nodding his head once. _Okay_.  
    Satisfied with this, Rey pushes herself off of the bench, wanting to get some physical distance between her and Kylo. “Then we leave for the base now, and we’ll figure out the details on the way. I assume you understand the basic schematics of the base, so we can discuss that after I plug in the coordinates.” Reaching the door to the cockpit, she’s about to head in when it hits her. “Where exactly _is_ Poe being held?”  
    “I don’t know.”  
    Rey whips around, spinning on her heels. “What do you mean you don’t know?”  
    Kylo runs a hand through his thick curls, hesitating like someone trying to find the words to describe a terrible tragedy. “When I said I contacted the First Order, it wasn’t exactly the full truth. I actually haven’t been in contact with the First Order since we left the _Finalizer_. When I was in the village, I merely overheard a transmission saying that he had been captured and was soon to be executed. If I had more time, maybe I would’ve gotten some more information, but you-”  
    “I was dying,” Rey finishes, feeling overwhelmingly guilty that it’s her fault that Poe’s location remains a mystery. Leaning against the nearest wall, she closes her eyes, willing the tears of disappointment to not come. “So what now?”  
    “The man who captured the pilot, he’s an...let’s just say he’s an ally of mine. If we get to him, I can get the location of where,” he clenches his jaw, spitting out the word like it’s a deadly disease,“ _Poe’s_ being held. Last I heard, he’s holed up in the capital city of Gabrion, a small outer rim planet.”  
    Finally opening her eyes, Rey uses her foot to push against the wall, closing the distance between her and Kylo in a few strides. “And how do you know he’s still on this planet?”  
    “Because he’s not exactly in the good graces of the First Order right now, and if I were him, I’d say Gabrion is a pretty damn good spot to hide out.”  
    Arching an eyebrow, Rey takes a step closer. “Why exactly is that?”  
    “Gabrion is a...gritty planet. The First Order knows better than to send its forces there unless absolutely necessary. Even if they discovered he was there, they wouldn’t waste the men.”  
    Rey nods silently to herself. A gritty planet? Now that, that she could handle. “Okay. Then that’s where we go.”  
    Turning away from Kylo, she crosses to the cockpit, pulling the rusty metal door open. But once again, she finds herself pausing, hesitating before stepping in. Without turning back to him, she adds, her voice barely a whisper, “Thank you.” Then she yanks the door closed before he can respond, part of her hoping that she hadn’t said it aloud. Hoping that she didn’t really mean it.

                                                             ***  
    The shuttle hums underneath them as they sit cross legged on the cool concrete floor, gratefully chewing on some food Rey managed to find in the dusty storage of the ship. The ration is dry and bland in her mouth, but Rey still hungrily swallows every last crumb, her body starving after their ordeal in the desert. Kylo, opposite to her, is propped against the nearest wall, already on his third packet of food. Although his wound closed an hour ago, she can tell he is still weak, both mentally and physically.  
    “The navigation system estimates our arrival to Gabrion in four hours,” Rey says through a mouthful of bread.  
    “Hmm,” is all Kylo says in response, his focus never shifting from scooping the last bits of soup out of a metal can.  
    The weird thing is, silence is as much a part of their relationship as their constant arguments. It’s always been there, like a default setting they revert back to when there’s no one left to save or fight. But despite everything that’s happened between them, despite the fact she still considers Kylo the enemy, Rey finds herself wanting to just talk. To hear his voice and her own. To let out the continuous storm of thoughts dominating her mind.  
    And what’s the harm in just talking?  
    “Kylo,” she starts, her voice hesitant and shy, “I…”  
    This seems to peak his interest, and he sets down his can of food, glancing up at her. “What is it?”  
    Her lip catches between her front teeth as she contemplates what exactly to say. Taking a deep breath, she finally seems to find the words. “When I found this shuttle...well, it wasn’t the only thing I found. There was this old man, and although he was stranger, I felt like…like I somehow knew him better than I knew myself. And he mentioned my grandfather, almost as if they had been friends.”  
    Rey pauses, trying to gauge his expression as she talks, but he keeps his face void of a reaction. Sighing, she scoots herself a little closer. “Kylo, I don’t know anything about my family, about where I come from. I know you think your heritage is a curse, but at least you have one. That man, whoever he is, I think he was the key to finally understanding who I am.”  
    “Rey, you don’t need anyone to understand who you are. You know exactly who you are.” Kylo smiles sadly. “I’ve actually always been jealous of you for that.”  
    Blowing out a frustrated breath, Rey rolls her eyes. _That’s not what I meant_.  
    “I know.” This time Kylo scoots a little closer, pushing his back off of the wall. “Look, if it’s answers you’re looking for, I don’t think I’m the right person to give them to you.”  
    Her eyes meet his dark ones, and she feels herself relax. “Yeah,” she says softly. Moving to his side of the room, Rey leans up against the wall, letting her head fall back. He quietly joins her so that they’re side by side, so close that they’re shoulders almost touch. So close that she could reach out and take his hand. “And I felt connected to that planet. Like something great and beautiful had grown there, but also something broken and corrupt.”  
    “I felt it too.” Kylo turns to look at her, a single curl falling over his forehead. “I think that planet was Tatooine. The way the Force, both the dark side and the light, was so deeply rooted there, and the two suns...it had to have been Tatooine.” He pauses, and his voice drops to barely a whisper, like he doesn’t realize he’s saying any of this aloud. “Those endless deserts, the lonely sky, they’re what shaped my grandfather into the man who changed the galaxy. But they’re also what shaped my uncle into the man who supposedly saved it.”  
    “And Obi Wan Kenobi, right? The Jedi Master? He lived there as well.”  
    Kylo stiffens at this, and for a moment Rey is sure he is going to break into yet another fit of rage. But instead, he sighs, his broad shoulders slowly rising and then falling. “Yeah, the man I was named after.” His voice is practically dripping with sarcasm, and it’s clear that who had been a legend to her was nothing but an annoyance to him.  
    Rey raises an eyebrow in confusion. How could he be named after Obi Wan when his given name was Ben? “But-”  
    “When he was on Tatooine, looking after my uncle, he didn’t go by Obi Wan. He went by the name Ben. A lie, a cover up.” Kylo laughs bitterly, tipping his head upwards as if he’s addressing his parents. “The perfect name for a child.”  
    Rey’s at a loss for words. Sometimes she forgets what made Kylo into who he is: dark and twisted and lost. It must’ve been so _lonely_ , with the weight of so many legacies resting on the shoulders of a child who was simply trying to find his place in the world. She can’t help but wonder, even though she so desperately wants a family, if she had been in his position, would she have ended up the same?  
    Finally, Rey works up the courage to say everything she’s feeling and thinking in two simple words. “I...I’m sorry.”  
    Because she is, truly and deeply. And all she wants to do is to fix it, to make it better. To find that sad little boy, somewhere out in the galaxy, and tell him that he is not alone. That his family, both their mistakes and accomplishments, do not define him.  
    He shifts so he’s facing her, and their knees brush against each other. “No, don’t be.” His voice is firm, but warm, in a bittersweet kind of way. “I am Kylo Ren, not Ben Solo. He died the day my parents sent me away.”  
    Rey opens her mouth to respond, to argue that Han and Leia were just trying to help, but realizing that it wouldn’t change his mind, she doesn’t. In an odd sort of way, she’s starting to get it now. Becoming Kylo Ren wasn’t just about power and the temptation of the dark side. It was because Snoke of all people was actually there for him, accepted him for who he was. And the thought makes Rey sick to her stomach.  
    So instead she tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear and stands up, brushing her hands off on her pants. “You should get some rest before we get to Gabrion. Something tells me you're going to need it.”  
    Kylo gives her a whisper of a smile, and against her better judgement, Rey sticks out a hand. His large one swallows hers, and for a moment she feels the Force, and maybe something else, spark between them. Suppressing her shock at feeling his skin against hers, she helps him off the ground, nearly falling over herself at his sheer weight.  
    Rey watches silently as he finds a spot on one of the more comfortable benches. Oddly torn, she finds herself wanting to stay with Kylo, to talk to him more. But she knows it’s not right. After everything that’s happened, she promised herself that she would keep her distance, never let herself be vulnerable with him again. And that’s what she has to do if she wants to save Poe’s life, as well as her relationship with him.  
    But just as she starts to head to the cockpit, thinking that the leather pilot’s chair is probably a more comfortable spot to sleep anyway, she hears Kylo’s voice, strong and sure. “You should stay.”  
    “You know I can’t do that, Kylo.”  
    “And why not?”  
    Rey’s eyes betray her, and she glances back at his dark figure, already comfortably stretched out on the bench. “You know exactly why.” Not trusting herself entirely, her feet carry her a few steps closer to the cockpit, a few steps farther from Kylo. “I’m letting you come with me to rescue Poe. I healed your leg. I haven’t killed you. Be grateful for that.”  
    Then she steps inside the stuffy little cockpit, shutting the metal door hard behind her. For a moment she waits, part of her secretly hoping that Kylo will come after her, but he doesn’t. It's just her and the glittering galaxy outside the window.  
    Plopping down on the pilot’s chair, Rey’s eyes never leave the endless sea of stars that are just out of reach. She can’t help but feel small, a single beam of light in all of this big unknown. No matter how many hours she spends staring at it, space never fails to amaze her. After doing a quick check to confirm their course, Rey starts to feel exhaustion take over. Snuggling deeper into the warm brown leather of the chair, her eyelids droop close, replacing the billions of tiny stars with sheer darkness.  
    One thought remains in her head before she falls asleep, like a single ship riding out a storm.  
    Perhaps she likes the name Kylo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This chapter was a lot of fun to write, especially as it was a chance to dive a little deeper into Kylo's background and why he was seduced to the darkside.  
> I actually wrote several chapters over the last week and things are really heating up. Lots of action and lots of fluff to come :)  
> Anyways, thanks again for reading and leaving such lovely comments!


	17. Dream

_She’s freezing, so cold that it’s almost painful. Every muscle, every cell in her body trembles in sheer fear. There’s something so evil here, so dark and destructive she can’t even put it in words. She spins around in the dimly lit room, her eyes searching desperately for the source of her terror. But what she finds instead is Kylo Ren, his tall figure crumpled on the floor._  
_Rushing toward him, her hands clutch the fabric of his robes as she collapses to the floor. “Kylo!” Her voice shakes with an uncontrollable panic. Desperately, she tugs him closer to her, pulling his head on to her lap. “Please, Kylo,” she begs when he doesn’t move, when his eyes don’t open._  
_Her hand finds his cheek, carefully tracing the thin, red scar that paves a path down the length of his nose, his jaw, his chin. His skin is cool to the touch and so pale that it’s almost translucent._  
_He’s dead. He’s dead._  
_But then she feels a hint of a breath tickle her palm, and glancing down, she notices the slow but steady rise and fall of his chest. Tears of relief spring from her eyes without permission, and through her desperate sobs she clutches him tighter, cradling his head against her own. For a moment they stay like that, Rey drinking in the fact that he’s alive, her hands tangling in his thick locks._  
_“Thank you,” she whispers, to Kylo for being alive, to the universe for not taking him_ _away from her. “Thank you.”_  
_“You’re welcome.”_  
_The whisper is so soft she almost misses it. Pulling back, she’s greeted with the pitch black eyes of Kylo Ren, who is now awake. Their hands find each other's, his large one swallowing hers. He’s staring at her, at first with adoration, and then with fear. “Rey? Where-”_  
_But he’s cut off by a loud rumbling sound that echos through the walls of the chamber, like an earthquake ripping the room apart. But deep down, she knows this is no earthquake._  
_Keeping a protective grip on Kylo’s hand, she whips around, shock_  
_at what she sees making her freeze._  
_It’s a man—no, a monster, towering above her and Kylo, his deep laughter loud enough to shake the room. Clothed in heavy black robes and dawning the sickening scarred and shriveled up face of a beast, he lives up to the nightmares of her childhood. Snoke._  
_When his laughter finally dies down, he takes a step closer to Rey. Fighting the urge to run,_ _to scream, to hide behind Kylo, Rey forces herself to hold her ground and puts on her bravest face.  
    “Kill him.” Snoke’s voice is unlike anything she’s ever heard, sharp enough that with every word, it feels like she’s being stabbed with a thousand knives.  
    He doesn’t need to say who. She knows.  
    Glancing down at Kylo, tears cloud her vision. “No!” She shouts at him, but it comes out weaker than she intended. Kylo gives her a sad smile, as if saying that it’s okay, that he’s giving her permission to do it, but her head keeps furiously shaking back and forth. No. She won’t hurt him. She won’t ever hurt him.  
    But then she blinks, and suddenly there’s a burst of light. Kylo’s mouth opens in a silent yell as the life drains out of his eyes. Horrified, she glances down, realizing that the beam of light is coming from her. A saber, a deep and violent red, is clutched in her hands, stabbing straight through his chest.  
    Screaming in desperation, she pulls the lightsaber back, but it’s too late. She killed him. She killed Kylo Ren.  
    “Rey,” she hears Snoke call, beckoning her to the darkness. “Rey.”  
    “No!” She screams back. “No, no-” _  
    “Rey! Rey, wake up!”  
    Someone’s shakes her, hard, and her eyes flutter open, throwing her from the dark veil of sleep. Panting, she glances around, taking in her surroundings, the fear from the dream still clutching at her chest. A hand touches her cheek, and she jerks back, nearly hitting her head against a control panel.  
    “It’s okay, it was only a dream.” The soft words come from a face above her, and as her sight adjusts, the features of Kylo Ren come into focus. _He’s alive. He’s here_. His hand reaches out again, this time slower, gentler, and she find herself leaning into his touch. Carefully, he brushes a few stray strands of hair out of her face, like lulling a child. “It’s okay,” he whispers again. “You’re safe.”  
    Taking a deep breath, she nods, attempting to force the fear out of her body. After a few more breaths, her racing hearts starts to slow, her muscles eventually relaxing. The images of the dream, however, she can’t erase. Every time she closes her eyes, it’s all she can see. The red lightsaber, Snoke, and his body dead at her feet.  
    Resisting the urge to throw up, Rey tries to instead focus on Kylo: his smell, the feel of his skin against hers, the sprinkle of moles that she finds herself staring at so often. And for an instant, she desperately wants to grab the fabric of his black shirt and pulls him to her, feel his strong arms circle her small form and tangle in her hair. For him to protect her, promise her that he would never, ever leave her. But then she remembers the promise she made to herself, to Poe. No vulnerability.  
    Pushing Kylo's hand away, Rey straightens herself out on the leather seat. “I’m fine, Kylo.” She makes sure to lace her voice with annoyance, perhaps more than necessary.  
    But she’s not fine. She feels sick to her stomach and completely and utterly _wrong_ , like someone rearranged every cell in her body. Still, Rey ignores him entirely as her hands search the various controls for the navigation system, a momentary distraction from the dream. According to the ancient computer, they’ve almost reached their destination. _Thank god._  
    “That wasn’t a dream, was it? You had a force vision.”  
    Kylo’s words make her freeze. If it was a force vision, it would explain why it felt so real. But did that mean she had seen the future?  
    “Rey?” His voice is laced with concern, and part of her wants to tell him everything…but if she told him, and the dream was a premonition, then she wouldn’t be able to ignore it anymore. And if she said it aloud, Rey’s not sure if she could control her emotions, keep it all in like she’s trying to do now.  
    Trying to push down the fear threatening to take hold, she starts fiddling around with a thruster, refusing to respond to Kylo. But she can’t hide how hard her hands are beginning to shake, how short her breaths are starting to become. And when she tries to change the ship’s speed, Rey’s unsteady fingers nearly sends them off course entirely.  
    Suddenly, he grabs her trembling hands, pulling her away from the controls. A calloused thumb traces soothing circles on her palm, and in his firm grasp, her hands slowly stop to shake. “Rey, what happened?” His dark eyes meet hers. “You can tell me.”  
    She searches his face, which is etched with worry, and realizes that Kylo won’t drop this until he gets the response he wants. Taking a deep breath, Rey tries to find the words to describe the dream. “I...I was in a room, I think. It was dark so I’m not sure. And you, you were there as well.” She feels his grip on her hand tighten slightly. “For a moment I thought you were dead, but then you woke up. I was so, so relieved.”  
    The small smile that pays on Kylo’s lips tells her that she’s screwed up. Why the hell did she say that? _Shit. Stay on track._  
    “Umm, anyways,” Rey continues after regaining her train of thought. “We weren’t alone. Snoke...he appeared, demanded that I killed you. I said no, of course, but-”  
    Kylo suddenly stiffens, his hold on her turning to steel. “Snoke?” His voice is restrained, but she can hear the anger lying beneath the surface.  
    “Yeah, Snoke,” she repeats, confused at his change in behavior. Snoke is the man he’s supposedly going to, _eventually_ , deliver her to. The reason he kidnapped her in the first place. So why is he so pissed that she had a dream about him?  
    For a moment, Kylo is silent, lost in thought, his face blank and void of emotion. His head rests against the pane of glass as he stares out at the steadying darkness of space. Any onlooker would think he was perfectly calm, but Rey knows him better than that. It’s one of Kylo’s greatest skills, or arguably, his greatest weakness: his ability to shut himself off from the world when his emotions get too big or scary to face. And Rey also knows his Force presence, and right now, rage and hurt are coming off of his signature in thick, dark waves.  
    “Continue,” he hoarsely whispers, finally breaking the silence.  
    Rey pauses before speaking, involuntarily shivering at what’s to come. “I didn’t want to hurt you. I _wasn’t_ going to hurt you. But then suddenly there was a red lightsaber in my hand, and I was stabbing you, and you…” Panting, she closes her eyes, trying to regain her composure. “You were dead. And then Snoke was calling me, to him, to the darkness. It was like he was sucking anything good and light out of me. I—I became the darkness.”  
    And then she can’t speak anymore, because the tears are coming too fast for her to control, wetting her cheeks like a furious rainstorm. They’re not just tears from the dream, they’re tears from the endless war inside of herself, between the light that she clings so desperately to and the darkness hiding beneath. Closing her eyes, she tries to will them away, tries to will all the hurt and pain away. But she can’t.  
    “What’s happening to me?” She whispers, partly to Kylo, partly to the universe.  
    For a moment it seems like Kylo is going to say something, give her the answer she doesn’t just want, but _needs_. But instead he clenches his jaw, his eyes darting away from hers. Running a hand through his thick curls, he stands up to his full height, turning away from her. “I...I’m going to organize supplies for Gabrion.” And with that, he yanks the metal cockpit door open, starting to leave without another word.  
    “Wait!” She frantically calls after him, and for a moment he hesitates, his tall frame halfway out the door. “Please stay. I just-”  
    But she doesn’t get to finish, because he’s already walking out, shutting the door hard behind him.  
    A strangled sob escapes her, disappointment crashing over her like a tidal wave as she watches him disappear. Shame for letting herself be vulnerable, the one thing she said she wouldn’t do, and raw hurt course through her veins. Clutching the leather seat so hard her knuckles turn white, Rey closes her eyes, searching the Force for the strength she so desperately needs.  
    But she _can’t_ do this alone. It’s no longer about struggling to stay pure and light; it’s about being torn apart, her very soul being pulled into opposite directions. In some cruel twist of fate, she now needs Kylo as much as he needs her. But after all he’s done for her, it’s now that he’s decided to bail. It’s now that he’s decided to leave her.

                                                            ***  
    The ship speeds through the dusty red skies of Gabrion, Rey piloting it above the tall city buildings of the planet. It’s unlike anything she’s ever seen before: not a hint of green, just steel and smoke for as far as the eye can see. Various ships dot the sky like swarming insects, and metal structures of different shapes and sizes haphazardly jut out of the ground. Near the edge of Polonis, the capital city where Kylo’s “ally” is supposedly hiding, Rey spots a seemingly inconspicuous and safe place to land the shuttle. But then again, according to Kylo, nowhere on this planet is safe.  
    After landing, Rey powers down the shuttle, hopping out of the leather pilot’s seat and heading out of the cockpit. Part of her hopes that they can find a better ship on this planet, but part of her is already attached to this ancient, rusty hunk of metal that’s saved their lives more than once.  
    Kylo quickly stands up off the bench he was sitting on when she walks in, clearing his throat. “Rey,” he starts, determination in his voice, “I-”  
    “It’s fine,” she cuts him off, knowing exactly what he’s about to say. It’s too late to apologize for his oddly cold behavior, and besides, she’s over it...at least that’s what she keeps telling herself. “Let’s just get this over with.”  
    Turning away from him, Rey pushes open the metal exit door, allowing the light from a new day to stream into the shuttle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry that this chapter is on the shorter side, but I wanted to explore a little bit more of Rey's battle with the darkside before diving into all the action on Gabrion. The next chapter is actually one of my favorite chapters I've written, and I'm going to try to post this weekend.  
> By the way, I just turned 16 recently! If you could leave a comment with your thoughts on the chapter or any predictions you have for the story, it would be the best b-day gift a writer could ask for :)


	18. Trust

    Smoke. That’s the first thing she notices when she steps out of the ship. It’s everywhere: turning the air in her lungs bitter, forming a thick greyish haze across the red sky, attacking her nose with its foul smell. She had never been exposed to it on her time in Jakku; her makeshift home was always warm enough at night, and fires could attract unwanted visitors. But during her time with the Resistance and on Ahch-To, the small, rising billow of smoke meant mealtime, and was always a welcome sight. She had kind of liked it. Now, staring out at this metal world where every corner, every inch seems to be covered in the dark grey tint of smoke, Rey decides she definitely does _not_ like it.   
    Slowly stepping out of the ship, she takes in the rest of their surroundings. They’ve landed at the intersection between two tall, seemingly abandoned buildings, which should hide the little shuttle from any thieves or smugglers until they get back. Countless narrow alleyways jut off from the intersection, like this whole city is some kind of huge, steel maze. Unless Kylo knows exactly where his man is, it would be impossible to search the entire city for him.   
    “So,” Rey says, turning back to Kylo, who is exiting the ship behind her, “how do we find this ally of yours?”   
    Taking his place next to her, so they’re side by side, he surveys their location, his eyes darting from building to building. “Good landing choice,” he mutters to himself. Then his focus returns back to her. “Jain, even while on the run from the First Order, loves his exotic alcohol. There’s a tavern here that just so happens to sell the best Rhuvian Rum in the system, so that’s where he’ll be.”  
    Rey cocks her head to the side, her eyebrows scrunching up in confusion. “Alcohol?”   
    For a moment, Kylo eyes her, like he’s trying to figure out how serious she actually is. And then suddenly he bursts out into laughter, the corners of his full lips curling into a wide smile, the sound, deep and loud, echoing down the narrow street.   
    At first, Rey is too shocked to realize that he’s laughing at her, too fascinated by the way his dark eyes seem to light up, his face taking on a life of its own, to feel embarrassed. She’s never seen him laugh before, or even just really, truly smile...she had once thought it was a skill he had forgotten, but now she gets that it was a part of the light that he had buried inside of himself, and that he just needed someone to come along and coax it back to the surface. And _god_ , she’s glad she did. His laugh is unlike anything she’s ever heard before: carefree and melodic and intoxicating, the kind of sound that leaves you breathless in the best kind of way.  
    Finally, she comes back to her senses. “What the hell is so funny?” But what she really means is _you should laugh more_.   
    “I just,” he manages to get out while trying to stifle his laughter, “I just can’t believe you’ve never heard of alcohol before. How old are you anyway?”   
    Huffing out a breath, she says determinedly, “Twenty.”   
    But this only makes Kylo erupt into another fit of laughter. “Twenty?” He shakes his head, his chuckles dying down. “They must’ve not had alcohol on that trash compactor of a planet you were on.” Sighing, he starts to walk towards one of the alleyways, glancing over his shoulder at Rey. “Well, today’s your lucky day,” he calls back.   
    Rolling her eyes, she takes off after Kylo, almost running to catch up with his long strides. Together, they make their way through the network of alleys and dusty streets, which are unnervingly empty and quiet. Every once in awhile, she’ll spot someone quickly scurry across the street, but besides her and Kylo, no one else is walking out in the open.   
    “Kylo,” she starts, not bothering to hide the discomfort in her voice, “am I the only one who thinks it’s odd how little people are around?”   
    “As I said, this is a gritty planet. People don’t come out unless they have to.” Picking up on her anxiousness, he adds, “Don’t worry, we’re only on the outskirts of the city. There will be more people near the center, where the cantina is located.”  
    And he’s right. After about an hour of walking, the alleyways start to open up to bigger paths, life filling the once empty street corners and buildings. Despite living a fairly solitary existence on Jakku, Rey has begun to grow accustomed to being surrounded by bustling people and endless chatter, and she relaxes at the sight of creatures of different shapes and sizes going about their daily life. Ducking under a clothing line strung between two opposing windows, she even nearly trips over a small Rodian child chasing after his ball.   
    As they begin to approach what looks to be a marketplace, Kylo suddenly tugs on her wrist, pulling her towards a dimly lit building on her left. “This is our stop.”  
    Rey trails behind Kylo as they enter the cantina, overwhelmed by all the sights and sounds. In the corner, a band of some kind of horned species plays an oddly catchy tune on huge wooden drums and steel trumpets, while at tables on her right, trades and gambles are whispered in exotic languages through the dark, hazy air. Right across from her, where Kylo is headed, is a long metal bar where a tall, reddish orange Mon Calamari is serving colorful drinks to customers. Taking a deep breath, Rey awkwardly follows Kylo, pushing through creatures of all sorts with a meek “sorry” and nearly getting an elbow to the face. Kylo, on the other hand, commands the space with authority, people naturally moving aside to let him through.   
    Glancing over at Rey and her slow progress, he heads back to her and firmly grasps her hand, guiding her through the crowd and to the bar. Usually she would pull her hand back, or make some comment about how she can walk perfectly fine without him holding her hand, but Rey finds herself liking how confident she feels with his skin against hers, how people begin to move aside for her as well.   
    When they reach the bar, Kylo approaches a humanoid creature with blue tinted skin, who is sitting on one of the wooden bar stools. “Jain,” he says, nearly shouting over the loud music and chatter. Rey hangs back, staying mostly hidden behind Kylo.   
    “Kylo Ren,” a deep, gravely voice responds in turn. “I’m surprised to see you here.” Peeking behind Kylo’s shoulder, she sees the alien turn around, revealing a better look at his appearance. Wearing a cut off vest that reveals his bulging arm muscles and a wealth of tattoos, and with a shiny blaster on his side, Rey gradually realizes what this man is. Not _just_ the man who captured Poe, but a bounty hunter. A real life bounty hunter.   
    She’s heard of them before, of course. Stories proudly shared by resistance fighters at the base about barely escaping them with their lives were more than common, even though most probably weren’t true. But she’s never actually seen a bounty hunter in the flesh. And the odd thing is, she isn’t really scared by him. Pissed, yes, because this is the man who brought Poe to the First Order, but also kind of...fascinated?  
    “That’s a Rhuvian Rum, right?” Kylo asks, gesturing towards the bounty hunter’s creamy, neon-green drink.   
    “You know me too well,” Jain chuckles, glancing at the drink like it's liquid gold. “It’s the best in the system.”  
    Kylo waves over the Mon Calamari, who crosses the bar to them, and places an order for what she can only assume is alcohol. Then he turns back to Jain.“I’m here to call in that debt,” he says, and Rey can’t help but wonder what debt a bounty hunter owes _Kylo Ren_. “I need a favor.”  
    Jain slowly turns his glass with his finger in a very cool, calculated way, and then takes a sip. “I see...and what favor is that?”  
    “The man you captured for the First Order, the resistance pilot,” he pauses when the Mon Calamari sets down two golden brown drinks in front of him, “I need his location.”  
    Jain smirks at this, shaking his head back and forth like scolding a child. “You know I’d love to help you, but that...that I can not do.”  
    “And why the hell not?” Rey snaps back, stepping out from behind Kylo and realizing all too late how careless she’s being.  
    Like some kind of instinct, Kylo’s hand reaches out and quickly grabs her arm, pulling her back to his side. She can hear him in her mind, whispering a word of warning to her. _Careful_.   
    “And who do we have here?” Jain says, his eyes lazily drifting down the length of her body. Squirming under his gaze, she clenches her fists so hard she can feel her nails dig into her palms to keep from punching this bastard’s teeth out. “Kylo, your taste in women has certainly improved over the years.” Giving her a cocky smile, he tilts his head to the side. “And who might you be, sweetheart?”  
    Rey’s just about to open her mouth to respond when suddenly she’s being pushed back behind the tall form of Kylo Ren. “None of your buisness, Jain. The girl is with me,” he practically growls, the tension in his voice palpable.   
    Oh, he did not just go there. First off, she doesn’t need his protection from this asshole. She’s handled worse before, and he should know that by now. And secondly, she is most definitely _not_ with him. Has she not made that clear enough?  
    Fueled by her frustration at Kylo, an idea starts to form in her head. Somebody needs to get Poe’s location from Jain, and if Kylo can’t do it, then she sure as hell can.   
    “Actually,” Rey says, pushing past Kylo’s broad shoulder, “I can speak for myself.” Slowly, in the most ‘seductive’ ways she can muster, she grabs one of the amber colored drinks from Kylo. Tipping her head back, she quickly downs it, the cool liquid surprisingly burning her throat as she swallows. It takes all she has not to spit the drink up, which tastes like burnt fuel. _How does anybody drink that?_  
    Clearing her throat in an attempt to regain her composure, she takes a seat on the wooden bar stool next to Jain. Thankfully, the drink seems to do its job, and she feels an extra rush of courage shoot through her. Giving him a tooth-achingly sweet smile, she reaches out a hand, her fingertips just barely brushing the blue skin of his upper arm muscle.   
    “I’m Rey,” she whispers, leaning in close. “And if you want to find out more, you’re going to have to tell me Poe Dameron’s location.”   
    “Rey…nice name.” Jain smirks, and she can tell that she’s clearly peaked his interest. But any pride Rey feels at her perfectly executed line is crushed when she feels the thick waves of anger and hurt radiating off Kylo’s force presence.   
    _What the hell do you think you’re doing_ , he whispers harshly through the Force bond.  
    _What you couldn’t_ , she whispers back. Mentally sighing, she adds, _Just trust me_.   
    Ignoring the string of curse words that Kylo mutters under his breath, Rey focuses back on Jain, her fingers continuing their slow path down his arm. “You’re a bounty hunter, right? Aren’t bounty hunters suppose to take risks for a greater reward? Or,” she pauses, glancing up and batting her eyes just the right amount, “are you too much of a coward?”  
    She feels Kylo tense behind her, ready to strike if her plan goes south. She knows it’s a risk, taunting a bounty hunter of all people, but something tells her that this one likes being challenged.   
    But Jain does the thing both of them least expected: he laughs. “You have one hell of a woman there, Kylo,” he says, giving her a wide toothed grin. “And you know better than anyone else that the only thing besides alcohol I can’t resist is a woman with fire.”  
    Sighing, he gets up off the stool, standing up to his full height, which is surprisingly only an inch or two shorter than Kylo. “I certainly am not a coward, so for the pretty one,” he gestures towards her, “I’ll tell you the pilot’s location. He’s being held on the _Liberator_ , which is currently in the Yost system, near the planet of Berzite. Trust me, you can’t miss it.”  
    Mind racing, Rey tries to process this information, honestly surprised that Jain handed it over so easily. If Poe was in the Yost system, it would take maybe five or six hours to get there, depending on if they found a better, faster ship. But even so, they need to leave now, rescue Poe before it’s too late. She quickly glances at Kylo, but his mind seems to be somewhere else.   
    “Wait...the _Liberator_? That ship doesn’t exist.” His eyebrows scrunch up in confusion. “I’ve never heard that name before, and I know every ship in the First Order’s fleet.”   
    Jain simply shrugs his shoulders. “Seems the First Order is keeping secrets from it’s own. It’s the ship I delivered the pilot to, and it’s definitely not the kind of ship somebody forgets.” Slapping some money onto the bar counter for the drinks, he turns back to Rey and Kylo. “Look, how about you stay here for the night? If I’m going to repay your debt, I might as well do it the full way. I’ll set you up with a room, you can rest, and tomorrow you decide what your next move is going to be.”   
    Kylo moves to respond, but she beats him to it. “That’s a nice offer, but I’m afraid our mission is urgent. Thank you for the information, though,” Rey gives Jain a curt nod, and then eying Kylo, she spins on her heels, starting to head out of the bar.  
    “You want to rescue the pilot, right?”   
She whips around, meeting Jain’s intense gaze, but doesn’t respond.   
    Obviously, he seems to take this as a yes. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. His execution has been postponed. The First Order wants to use him, the hero, the _best_ pilot in the Resistance, as a warning to other members of the Resistance and whatever is left of the Republic. For his death to be a statement, it has to be dramatic, and that they haven’t figured out yet. So you have some time.”   
    Turning his attention towards Kylo, he continues. “Kylo, you know that to infiltrate the First Order, especially a ship you don’t know anything about, you need a plan. Rest for tonight, and tomorrow I’ll help you come up with that plan.”   
    It’s a good argument, but Rey can’t bear the thought of sleeping a single night more, _safe_ , knowing that Poe is somewhere out there in the cold, unfeeling clutches of the First Order. And besides, she has no reason to trust this man, and she can’t spare any if’s or maybe’s when Poe’s life is on the line.   
    She glances up at Kylo, expecting him to be on the same page as her, but instead he nods at Jain, a small smile creeping onto his face. “Okay.”   
    “Wait, what?” Rey stares at him incredulously, eyes wide and furious. “But-”  
    “Jain’s right,” Kylo states like it's the simplest thing in the world. “We have time on our hands now, and if we want to save the pilot, we should use it the best we can: by getting some rest and coming up with a plan.”   
    She scrunches her eyebrows up in determination, prepared to hold her ground on this, when she feels him in her head. _I know you don’t trust Jain. But I’m not asking you to. I’m asking you to trust me, just as you did_.  
    Her eyes dart back and forth between Kylo and Jain as she tries to figure out if she can win this argument. When she realizes she can’t, she huffs out a frustrated breath. “Fine, fine. But only for a couple of hours. And you,” she adds strongly, pointing at Jain, “I’m holding you to that promise of information in the morning.”  
    The bounty hunter chuckles under his breath. “Fair enough. Then I’ll lead you to your room.”   
    Kylo scoffs, arching a dark eyebrow. “What, are you working here now? Bounties not paying enough?”  
    “Yeah...something like that.”  
    Keeping pace with Kylo, the two follow Jain around the long, shiny, metal bar and up a flight of creaky wooden steps to the second floor of the tavern, which she hadn’t noticed before.   
    Once they reach the top, Jain points down the hall. “Third door to the left. Shout if you need anything.” He hands a small, silver key over to Kylo. Just as he’s about to walk away, he turns back to the pair, chuckling. “Oh, and try not to make too much noise.”  
    At first she doesn’t understand what he’s getting at, but one look at Kylo’s face, which suddenly turns very pale, tells her exactly what Jain meant. _Oh_.  
    Kylo clears his throat, squaring his shoulders in an attempt to regain his composure. “Jain,” he starts, his voice restrained.   
    “I’m just joking. Now you two lovebirds have a nice night.” And with that, Jain gives Rey a very melodramatic mock bow, and leaves the two alone in the hallway.   
    The room is easy to find, but the door is a different matter. Kylo quickly unlocks it, but after a couple tries with the doorknob, it still won’t budge. Pushing against it hard with his shoulders, the door finally comes loose with a loud pop, swinging open to reveal a small, dimly lit room. Rey follows Kylo inside, shutting the door behind her. A tiny bathroom sits to the left, and the idea of taking a hot shower, letting the warm water flow across her body and clean off any remnants left of their time in the desert, sounds like the best thing in the world right now. On her right is a small terrace, with a tiny ledge so one can stand and look out at the city lights of Gabrion. And in the very middle of the room, the only piece of furniture besides a wooden desk, is a bed. A _single_ bed.   
    _Shit_.   
    “That damn bounty hunter,” Rey mutters to herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! This chapter was sooo much fun to write...jealous Kylo, Rey 'attempting' to seduce someone, and a classic Star Wars cantina—definitely my favorite chapter so far.   
> I'll try to upload the next one on Friday. It's full of Reylo fluff, but has a very dramatic ending ;)


	19. Sleep

    “I can sleep on the floor,” Kylo says, immediately picking up on her apprehension. He moves across the room, setting down the small pack of supplies they brought with them.  
    “Yeah.” Rey nods silently. “Maybe that would be for the best.” She feels slightly bad for letting her personal feelings get in the way of Kylo having a comfortable sleeping spot, but the two of them in a bed together for hours...calling it a terrible idea would be an understatement. “I’m, uh, just going to take a shower,” she whispers softly, staring down at her feet as she awkwardly shifts back and forth. Then she quickly spins on her heels, heading towards the small bathroom.  
    Once inside, she shuts the door behind her, letting out a sigh as soon as it closes with a loud click. Resting her head against the smooth wood, she closes her eyes, reveling in the fact that finally, _finally_ , she’s alone for a moment. Slowly, her eyes open again, and Rey is met with the reflection of herself in the small mirror hanging on the opposite wall. Curious, she steps forward, scrutinizing this new version of herself. She seems so much older, so much more worn and jaded. Dark circles cushion her hazel eyes, and bruises and cuts of different sizes and colors pepper her face and neck. Her hands find the band holding her long, brunette hair in a messy ponytail, and slowly, she pulls the band out, letting her hair fall in loose curls around her shoulders. With her hair down, Rey seems a little more like herself. A little more innocent, a little more pure.  
    Satisfied with this, she begins to undress, yanking her grey tunic up and over her head and stripping off her trousers and boots. Stepping into the small shower and pulling the thin, almost paper-like curtain closed around her, Rey turns the cool metal knob clockwise. A jet of hot water hits her almost immediately, her body involuntarily shuddering under the sensation. The tiny bar of soap is easy to find, and clutching it, tightly in her hand, she rubs it up and down her body, slowly at first.  
    But as she watches the foam form on her legs and arms, she suddenly feels sick to her stomach. Memories began to flash through her mind, like a raging storm that has finally caught up to her. The sand person dying at her hands, the darkness surrounding her, consuming her. The dream, Snoke, her murdering Kylo...a possible future so frightening she can’t even bear to think about it. The kiss with Kylo, how she felt something she had never felt before, something beautiful and intoxicating, like a part of her she somehow lost long ago was finally coming home. How she knew then, and how she knows know, that she betrayed Poe in a way that he may never forgive her for. She can see him now: his face falling in utter horror when she confesses that while he was being held by the First Order, she was kissing the enemy. The man who tortured him. The man who killed Han Solo, the only father figure she’s ever had. The man who almost killed Finn, the first person who ever really cared for her.  
    Her hand starts furiously scrubbing back and forth, leaving her skin red and raw, as if she could somehow cleanse herself of every horrible thing she’s done. As if she can somehow wash off the darkness threatening to take over. Suddenly, the bar of soap slips from her fingers, and letting out a strangled sob, she collapses to the tiled floor of the shower. Underneath the furious flow of hot water and the thick cloud of steam starting to form, she tries desperately to catch her breath. Tears mix with the shower water, and for a few minutes, she just sits with nothing but the sound of water hitting the hard floor, her panting breath, and the frantic sobs wracking her body.  
    Finally, closing her eyes, she manages to calm down. Relief floods her when she reaches out and finds the Force, good and light, inside of herself and surrounding every living thing. With shaky hands, she pushes herself off the ground, twisting the metal shower knob until the stream of water becomes nothing but a few drips. After changing into some fresh clothes, she leaves the bathroom, a cloud of steam following her.  
    When she walks in, Kylo is on the terrace, staring out at the night sky of Gabrion. Dark curls frame his sharp nose and full lips, and for once he looks at peace. Illuminated by the city lights, he looks almost angelic, a mysterious guardian watching over the galaxy. Rey clears her throat, not wanting to interrupt a private moment, and Kylo quickly whips around.  
    “Are you okay?” He asks softly, concern etched on his face.  
    A sigh escapes her lips when she realizes he heard her crying. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she manages to mutter, but she knows it doesn’t sound very convincing.  
    He doesn’t push her on the subject, though, instead stepping off the terrace and grabbing a pillow from the bed. “Get some rest, okay?” He whispers, and she nods in turn. Finding a spot on the floor, he curls up, and Rey almost starts crying right then and then there at the sight of him being so undeniably selfless.  
    Turning away, she finds the small bed in the darkness, biting her lips as she plops down on the soft white sheets. She’s just about to close her eyes and let sleep take hold, but something holds her back. Despite how bad she just wants to keep her mouth close, she can’t.  
    “Kylo?” She whispers hesitantly, and she makes out his tall form sitting up to get a better look at her. “Could you...I mean, do you...do you want to sleep up here?”  
    For a moment, she waits, silence covering the room like a thick blanket. And then chuckling softly, he gets up, walking towards her. “I thought you would never ask.”  
    Lying down on the bed, he makes sure to leave some space between them, like he somehow understands how dangerously precarious this situation is. Oddly enough, she feels her body relaxing at having him even this close. But she wants more. She _needs_ more of him.  
    Slowly, she shifts towards him, her hands carefully reaching out and finding his solid chest. Amidst the cold darkness of night, she hears him inhale at her sudden touch, and she closes her eyes, feeling his racing heart beat against her trembling fingers. And that’s when Rey knows she’s lost all control. Like a ship heading straight for a fiery destruction, she’s on autopilot now.  
    Gripping onto the soft fabric of his shirt, she pulls him to her, her face burrowing into the enveloping warmth of his chest. For a moment they stay like that, Rey breathing in his scent, neither one of the sure what the other will do next. And then his strong arms circle her small form, her body melting into his as he brings her so close that she can no longer tell where he starts and where she ends. His lips find the skin of her forehead, and he kisses her there, so soft and gentle she’s half certain that she’s imagined it.  
    She desperately wants to kiss him back, to gently trace his jawline as their lips melt together. But what they’re doing now is somehow more profound, more personal, more _intimate_. So instead, Rey lets the feel of his soft breath tickling her neck and his steadying heartbeat lull her, carrying her closer and closer to the edge of sleep.  
The last thing she hears before she drifts away, is Kylo’s voice, hoarse and bittersweet. “Thank you,” he whispers.  
                                                             ***  
    She wakes up before him. But unlike the time before in the desert, when she opens her eyes, Rey knows exactly who she’s sleeping next to. And she’s content. Satisfied. _Happy_.  
    The soft morning light streams in through the terrace, casting a hazy glow on everything in the room, including the sleeping face of Kylo Ren. His strong arms still circle her, his long limbs tangled with her own. It’s an odd sort of feeling being this close to him for this long, inhaling his scent and feeling his steady breath against her skin, and knowing that it was their choice to sleep together. Not out of necessity, but simply because they wanted to.  
    A sigh of content escapes Rey’s lips as she drinks him in, part of her still fascinated by how different he looks while sleeping. Shifting under the mountain of blankets covering her and Kylo, her hand tentatively reaches up and brushes his cheek, barely a whisper of a touch. Gently, Rey traces a path across his face, the rough pads of her fingers ghosting over his sprinkle of moles, defined nose, thin red scar, and finally his full lips, which curl upwards slightly under the calm of sleep. For a moment, she’s overwhelmed by how completely and utterly handsome he is, and can’t help but wonder what the hell he sees in her.  
    Despite how bad she wants to stay here, cradled in Kylo’s embrace knowing that she’s safe and protected for once in her life, Rey knows she can’t. Even after everything that happened last night, that’s happening now, she still needs to rescue Poe. After that….well, she’s not really sure. But for right now, she knows one thing: the worth of Poe’s life, his importance to her, doesn’t change just because she slept next to another man. So she needs to get her ass out of bed and question that bounty hunter. He promised her information, and she’s going to hold him to that promise.  
    “I’ll be back,” Rey whispers, her lip catching between her front teeth as she brushes a stray curl out of Kylo’s face. Just because she needs to leave this temporary sanctuary doesn’t mean he has to. She can deal with Jain on her own, especially if that gives Kylo a few more precious hours of sleep.  
    Carefully, so as not to wake him, she pries his arms off her, twisting out of his grasp. One bare foot after another hits the cool wooden floor, and she makes her way across the room, toeing on her shoes and brushing her hair back into a messy ponytail. Taking one last glance back at Kylo’s sleeping form, his dark curls sprawled out on the white pillow, Rey heads out of their little room, closing the door softly behind her.  
    The tavern is oddly quiet, the sounds of people gambling and drinking and the catchy tunes of the cantina band replaced with nothing but the cold morning breeze blowing in through the window. When she reaches the top of the stairs, she spots Jain cleaning shiny glasses at the bar, seemingly the only person up yet.  
    His face lights up when he sees her, his lips curling up into a cocky smile. “What can I get you, sweetheart?”  
    Taking the wooden steps two at a time, she quickly reaches the long metal bar, plopping down on one of the stools. “Just a water,” she responds, not really knowing what else to say.  
    He arches a dark blue eyebrow. “Just a water? You’re at the best cantina on the planet and I’m offering you a free drink…and you want a water?” Shaking his head, he reaches for an empty glass, starting to mix colorful liquids and powders into it. “You need to loosen up, sweetheart.” Setting down the drink, which has settled into a dark purple, he presents it like a work of art. “A special drink I’ve been working on.”  
    Rey smiles graciously, but doesn’t take a sip. Instead, she taps lightly on the clear glass, chewing on her bottom lip.  
    Jain’s face loses a bit of it’s grandiose charm as he realizes that she’s not in the mood for small talk. Sighing, he steps out of the bar, taking a seat next to her. “But you’re not here for the alcohol, are you?”  
    Shaking her head, Rey tries to find the words to describe what she wants to know. “Jain,” she starts, about to ask him about the _Liberator_ and how to rescue Poe, but her mind is honestly somewhere else. “What debt do you owe Kylo?” As soon as she blurts it out, she realizes what a personal question it is, and her eyes dart down in embarrassment.  
    But Jain doesn’t get angry with her, or give her the silent treatment like Kylo would if she asked such a question. He simply chuckles, taking a swig of a drink of his own. “Oh, Kylo and me go way back. Truthfully, the debt I owe him can never be repaid.”  
    Sighing, he leans in closer to her, as if she was his confidante. “You see, I had a pretty rough life growing up: no parents, no home, just me fending for myself on the streets. Kylo, back before he was mixed up in all this Knights of Ren shit and was still going by Ben Solo, saved my sorry ass more than once. That Force-mumbo-jumbo would always scare away anyone who messed with either of us.” His lips twist up in a sad, bitter-sweet smile as he loses himself in the memory.  
    “Anyways,” he clears his throat, his voice regaining it’s cool confidence, “when Kylo joined the First Order, he set me up with the best gig a guy of my profession can get these days. I became the official bounty hunter for the Order, and although it may not sound like anything fancy, let me tell you one thing: it paid well.”  
    Rey nods in understanding, but then remembers what Kylo said to her on the way to Gabrion.“Kylo mentioned you weren’t exactly...in the good graces of the First Order right now.” She doesn’t mean to pry, but she’s curious. Jain seems to be someone who can clearly handle himself, so how did he end up on this shitty planet, working at a cantina and hiding from the First Order?  
    “Yeah, well sometimes you make mistakes.” Jain sighs, taking another swig of his drink. “And sometimes you have to do terrible things to make up for them.”  
    Rey stares down at her drink, biting her lip. Part of her knows what that’s like, even though she wouldn’t admit it. Because isn't that what’s going on right now, with Poe and Kylo? She made mistakes with Kylo, let her guard down and was vulnerable with him in ways she shouldn’t have been, and now she’s had to do terrible things to redeem herself and get Poe back.  
    Lost in thought, she almost misses the distant thudding sounds coming from outside. Whipping around in concern, Rey cocks her head to the side to try to get a glimpse out the window. But before she can get a good look, Jain puts a hand on her shoulder, turning her back towards him.  
    “Probably just a street fight,” he says, but there’s a certain nervous edge to his voice. Rey assumes that no matter how long you live on a planet like this, you never truly get use to the violence that can happen.  
    Jain gestures towards her dark purple drink, still left untouched on the counter. “Why haven’t you, uh, tried the drink? I made it specially for you and I would hate to have it go to waste.”  
    Rey glances down at the glass. Even though she’s tried alcohol last night and hated it, mentally swearing to never let any of that stuff come near her mouth again, there’s more to her distinct desire to not drink it. She can’t quite put her finger on it, but there’s something off about all of this. Or maybe her emotional roller coaster last night is finally catching up with her.  
    The thudding outside is growing louder, but she’s distracted by Jain. “It’ll help you forget the pain of the past, sweetheart, at least for a little while,” he says, nudging the glass closer to her. “Hopefully block out a little of the pain to come as well.”  
    Forget the pain of the past? Well, that she wouldn’t mind doing, even for a few moments. Her eyes dart between the glass and Jain’s face, and finally, she feels herself give in, a sigh escaping her lips. _Just a sip_. Her hands close around the cool glass as she brings it to her mouth, the intoxicating smell of the drink hitting her nose at full force, the purple liquid just about to touch her lips and-  
    “Rey!” A panicked voice shouts, and she glances up, setting the cup back down on to the bar and pushing herself off the bar stool.  
    Kylo stands at the top of the flight of stairs, his hair a mess of disheveled curls, his broad shoulders rapidly rising and falling with each of his short, frantic breaths. “We have to go, right now,” he says, flying down the steps. Quickly, he tosses over her lightsaber, and she catches it, clipping the silver hilt onto her belt. “The First Order are here. I don’t know why, but they look like they’re here for a fight. We need to…” He suddenly freezes a few feet away from her, his features suddenly twisting in apprehension and dismay. “Jain?”  
    At first Rey’s confused, but that’s when she feels the cold metal barrel of a blaster against the back of her head. She barely has time to process what’s going on before she’s being pressed into Jain’s chest, the bulging muscles of his blue arms circling her neck and chest and keeping her trapped against him. Almost immediately starting to fight back, she kicks and squirms, only to feel his grip on her tighten.  
    “Sorry, sweetheart,” he whispers in her ear over the sound of her shallow, panicked breath. “If you had just drank that damn cocktail, it wouldn’t be this way.”  
    Kylo’s eyes dart back and forth between her and Jain, his silver blaster still pointed at the back of her head. “Jain, what the hell is going on?” Rey notices his hand hovering over the hilt of his saber. But unlike every other time she’s seen him prepare to strike, he seems not so sure of himself, his fingers shaking slightly with hesitation.  
    “I’m sorry, Kylo, I truly am.” Jain sighs, like he’s trying to explain something to a frustrating child. “But there was no choice. I can’t live this way anymore, hiding in the shadows on this hellhole of a planet. And there was only one way the First Order was going to forgive what I’ve done...capturing both of their most wanted bounties.”  
    “What the hell are you talking about?” Rey manages to grit out.  
    “Oh sweetheart, you don’t know?” Jain chuckles humorlessly. “You two have made the top spots on the First Order’s list. Rey, the girl from Jakku, alive.” Glancing up at Kylo, he pauses, as if for dramatic effect. “And Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren... _dead_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely Reylos! What did you think of this chapter? It was quite an emotional rollercoaster to write, with Rey's breakdown, the tension of Rey and Kylo sleeping together, and Jain's betrayal.  
> Next chapter should be up next weekend. Let me know your predictions until then!


	20. Fight

    It takes Rey about ten seconds to process his words. And after those ten seconds, she grasps three things. One, that she is somehow important enough to the First Order that they want her alive instead of dead. Two, that for some reason, there’s a bounty on Kylo’s head too. And three, that even though she’s being held at gunpoint, it’s not her life that’s in danger.  
    Kylo seems to reach the same conclusions not long after. Instead of yelling in anger or staggering back in shock, he grows quiet, his face turning to stone. “Then why haven’t you killed me already?” he hoarsely whispers. And that’s when she realizes one more thing - that although she was surprised by Jain’s betrayal, Kylo is the one whose childhood friend has turned against him, someone who he’s saved in more ways than one across the years.  
    “Because,” Jain growls, pressing the barrel of the blaster into Rey’s skin so hard she can already feel bruises forming, “Hux reached out. Offered me double the money if he could get the pleasure of killing you himself.” His hard facade drops for just a moment when he adds, “And despite what you may think, I didn’t have any interest in being the one to kill you.”  
    “Then how the hell did you think this was going to work for you?” Kylo shouts back, taking a step closer to them. “You can’t kill me, and you can’t kill her. You’re outnumbered two to one by the most powerful Force users in the galaxy. There’s _nothing_ ,” he snarls, “stopping me from taking you down, right here, right now.”  
    To both of their surprise, Jain just chuckles bitterly, then sighs, shaking his head back and forth. “You see, that’s where you’re wrong. We both know how much you care for this girl. And although the First Order said I couldn’t kill her,” he says, removing the blaster from her head, “they never said anything about hurting her.”  
    Suddenly the blaster is being pointed at her right foot, and with nothing but a sickening click as a warning, Jain pulls the trigger.  
    And then her world is exploding with violent, searing pain. Letting out a scream, her body sags against Jain, like a ragdoll. Stars dance in her eyes as she fights to stay conscious under the tidal wave of sheer shock and an indescribable, _excruciating_ , burning sensation coming from her foot. Somewhere in the back of her brain, she knows that the blastershot won’t leave any permanent damage, but that doesn’t change the overwhelming amount of hurt she feels right now. Biting her lip so hard she tastes blood, Rey tries to regain control of her body, her breath coming out in short, desperate puffs.  
    Through the red tint of pain, she manages to focus on Kylo, still standing a few feet away. His features are contorted in pure horror, his eyes squeezing shut when a strangled sob escapes her, coming out more like a whimper.  
    “Where should the next one go, Kylo?” Jain bellows, sounding more and more like an unhinged madman. “The other foot? Her leg?” He leans close to her, using a finger to stroke her cheek, “Maybe somewhere on that pretty face of yours?”  
    Rey frantically tries to squirm away from him, but she's lost part of her will to fight. And then all of the sudden, she hears Kylo in her head. _You’re going to be okay. I won’t let him hurt you anymore_ , he whispers gently. _I’m going to get you out of here, but we’re going to have to work together, okay?_  
    She nods at him, her eyes meeting his dark ones. _Together_ , she repeats back.  
    Kylo’s focus then turns back to Jain. “Just stop!” he shouts, his voice filled with desperation. “Just stop, and I’ll come quietly. I...I won’t fight.”  
    Wait, what? He can’t give himself up for her. If this is what he meant by getting her out of here, then she is not okay with it. “No,” she mumbles, still overwhelmed by the pain from the blastershot. “Not for me.”  
    _Listen to me, Rey_. _You have to fight through the pain. You have to get out of his hold_. He stares at her from across the room, and she can feel his silent pleas for her to just trust him, to just fight. _I’ll take care of the rest_.  
    Taking a deep breath, she nods once. But although she wants to do what he asks, Rey has no idea how. Because of the position of the blaster, she can’t push it away, at least not without risking her or Kylo getting shot. And Jain’s grip on her is so tight she can barely move, let alone reach her lightsaber. And that’s when it hits her.  
    “The cocktail on the bar counter,” Jain gestures towards the dark-purple liquid he had made for her, “it has a strong sleeping agent. Drink it, and I give you my word that I will not harm the girl.”  
    “Okay,” Kylo says softly, taking a step toward the bar, and keeping his unwavering gaze on her. As he reaches for the glass, Rey decides that she’s not going to get a better opportunity. So, she has to make her move now.  
    Jerking her head, she bites down on Jain’s arm as hard as she can, like some kind of wild animal attacking its prey. Almost immediately, she feels his grip on her loosen, but her mouth doesn’t leave his arm until he fully lets go. Grimacing, Rey drops to the floor with a thud, free from his grasp but still nowhere near safe.  
    “Bitch!” Jain screams in pain, and he raises the butt of the blaster to hit her over the head. But then they’re both being violently pushed in opposite directions by an invisible force, Rey landing next to the bar, her back hitting one of the bar stools. Jain desperately fires the blaster as he flies through the air, just barely missing her, before hitting the back wall with surely enough strength to leave him unconscious.  
    Glancing behind her shoulder, she sees Kylo, his arm still outstretched and his face full of focus. Jain’s shiny silver blaster flies across the room and straight into his hold. Clipping it onto his belt, his attention turns to her. He quickly kneels down, giving her a sad smile. “We have to go, okay?” Tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear, his hands fly across her face, her legs, and finally her foot as he assesses her injuries. “Can you stand?”  
    Rey nods with determination, but she honestly isn’t sure. Kylo hooks a supportive arm around her small form, and heaves her up and off the ground. With his help, she manages to get into a standing position, which mostly consists of her leaning against his solid chest and keeping almost all of her weight on her left foot. The problem is, that won’t work when they get out of the cantina and have to run for their lives, as well as fight off god know how many stormtroopers. Especially as, at least for Kylo, they’re going to be shooting to kill.  
    He seems to realize this as well, and with a frustrated breath, he carefully sets her down on one of the bar stools. Pacing back and forth, he runs a hand through his disheveled curls, lost in thought. A string of muttered curse words escape his lips, most of them associated with the bounty hunter that is still unconscious on the other side of the room.  
    Rey chews on her bottom lip, trying to think of a way out of this, but there isn’t one. At least not one for both of them. At this point, there’s only one option.  
    “You have to go,” she whispers hoarsely, keeping her head down.  
    “What?” Kylo takes a step closer to her, his eyebrows scrunched up in confusion.  
    Sighing, she finally looks up at him. “You have to go,” she repeats, her voice stronger this time. “You have to leave right now, Kylo. Get as far away from here, from the First Order, as you can. I…” Her voice cracks, and Rey has to pause to get a hold of herself, to push down the tears. If she’s going to convince him, she can’t show how afraid she is. “I’ll be okay,” she manages to finish.  
    “No. Absolutely not.” He shakes his head back and forth, a few dark curls falling over his eyes. “I’m _not_ leaving you. You made me promise that, remember?” Stooping down in front of the bar stool, he takes both of her hands in his own, holding them like they could shatter at any moment. “I’m not breaking that promise. Not today.”  
    “But they’re going to kill you!” she nearly shouts, her voice filled with panic. “I...I couldn’t live with myself if you died because of me.” Gripping his hands tightly and letting the feel of his skin against her own give her strength, she stares deep into his eyes. “I’m going to be fine. I’m clearly important enough to the First Order that they want me alive, and knowing them, they’re going to do everything in their power to keep me that way. And besides, isn’t this what you wanted? For me to go to Snoke?”  
    “No,” he immediately responds, but then taking in her surprised face, he adds, “I mean yes, but this, this is not Snoke. The bounties, Jain, the First Order coming here to kill me, it’s all Hux. He’s always wanted to get rid of me, and now he’s using my absence from the First Order to do exactly that. I doubt the Supreme Leader even knows any of this happening.”  
    Scooting closer to her, he reaches up a hand, cupping her face. “That’s the problem. I don’t know what Hux wants with you,” he whispers. “I _can’t_ give you up, not to that man. Not without knowing you’re safe.”  
    A sigh escapes her as Rey leans into his touch, closing her eyes and desperately breathing him in. She doesn’t want him to leave, to leave her. But they still haven’t come up with any semblance of a solution, and they’re running out of time. The stormtroopers outside, although they may not be the smartest bunch, are eventually going to realize that something happened to Jain. Or simply get tired of waiting for him to deliver the bounties.  
    Rey hears Kylo suddenly inhale, and opening her eyes, she sees his eyebrows scrunched up in thought. Running a hand through his thick hair, he seems to weigh an idea in his head. “Rey, I wouldn’t ask this of you. Not if we weren’t in this position. I need you to understand that first.”  
    She nods her head slowly, wary of what he might say next.  
    “Do you remember on Starkiller base, after I had been shot? How I was able to fight not only Finn, but you as well?” Kylo chuckles when her mouth opens to interrupt him. “Yes, I know you beat me. But it’s not about that. It’s about the fact that I was able to partake in two lightsaber duels after being injured multiple times.” He pauses, waiting to gauge her reaction, but she simply arches in eyebrow in confusion.  
    “You see, the darkside feeds off pain. It can not only endure it, but benefit from it,” he says carefully, as if trying to explain something to a frightened child. “If you connected with the darkside, and turned your pain into strength, you might be able to walk out of here. Maybe even hold your own against the stormtroopers outside.”  
    Rey furiously shakes her head back and forth. She’s willing to do just about anything to get out of here, _except_ for that. How could she possibly try to reach out to the darkside after the last time it took hold of her? After all the destruction she’s caused? “I can’t-”  
    But Kylo cuts her off. “I know it seems scary. I know it seems wrong. I know, because I’ve been there before.” His fingers tangle in the hair at the nape of her neck, and he brings her face closer enough that if he wanted to, he could lean in and kiss her. “But I also know you. You’re so brave, so unbelievably strong that it sometimes almost takes my breath away,” he whispers. “I’m not asking you to give in to the darkness. I’m asking you to use it, to control it. I’m asking you to _fight_.”  
    Rey lets out a shaky breath, trying to calm her racing heart. He’s right. She has to at least try. She’s a survivor, and this...this is the _only_ option for survival. For getting the chance to try to save Poe. But the thought of willingly letting the darkness in makes her sick to her stomach. Blinking back a few stubborn tears, she shivers involuntarily, fear clutching at her lungs and leaving her unsteady.  
    Kylo looks at her expectantly, and Rey realizes she still hasn’t answered. “Yeah,” she whispers softly, staring down at her palms and the nail marks imprinted on them, left from nervously clenching her hands into fists. “Okay.”  
    “Hey.” Using a thumb on her chin, he gently tips her head back up. “I’m right here. And I’m not going anywhere.” When she sighs gratefully, he drops his hand and stands up, taking a seat on the bar stool next to her. “All you have to do is find that little voice in your head. The one that whispers to you when you're full of rage or hurt. And then feel the pain from your foot, and let it feed that voice.”  
    Rey nods, although she knows it can’t possibly be as easy as that, and squeezes her eyes shut. Taking a deep breath, she focuses her mind, letting everything but the sound of her own heartbeat fade away. Instead of reaching out to the light surrounding her and every living thing, she takes Kylo’s advice and concentrates on what’s inside of her. But there’s only that same, unbending light, in her heart, in her mind, coursing through her very being. How is she supposed to use the darkness if she can’t even find it?  
    “This is hopeless,” she mutters under her breath, frustration beginning to seep into her mind. Kylo asks her to do one thing, one simple thing, and she’s not strong enough to do it. Why is the darkness there only when it can cause the most damage? Why not now, the one time she needs it?  
    Groaning, she clenches her jaw, desperately trying to focus. If she can’t do this, then Kylo has to leave her behind. It’ll be the only option. And she’ll be all by herself, once again, being handed over to the First Order on a silver platter. And although she doesn’t want to admit it to herself, that thought—Kylo leaving her, being forced to become that lonely, numb girl she was on Jakku all over again just to survive...it’s the scariest thing she’s ever faced.  
    And it’s then, amidst all her anger and sadness and raw fear, that she feels that intoxicating, dark presence in her head, that whisper of limitless power to come. Instead of recoiling away from it, Rey embraces it, closing her eyes and letting control over her mind slip through her fingers. Like a tidal wave, the darkness suddenly crashes over her, accepting her invitation in with vigor. Biting her lip hard enough to draw blood, she clenches the bar stool with sweaty palms to keep herself upright, to ride out the storm. This time, it’s hungry for one thing: _pain_.  
    She can hear Kylo’s concerned voice somewhere in the distance, but it’s like she’s underwater, straining to hear the noises from the surface. After a few more steadying breaths, though, the world starts to come back into focus, and Rey slowly opens her eyes. She feels oddly heavier now, something weighing her down and keeping her away from the light.  
    “Rey?” A whisper asks from beside her, and she whips around, greeted by the face of Kylo Ren, leaned in close to hers. “Are you alright?”  
    She simply nods, unsure of how exactly to explain this feeling. Somehow she feels more incredible, more powerful than she ever has in her life, but also completely and utterly wrong, as if every cell in her body is screaming at her that _this is not how it’s supposed to be._  
    Ignoring her conflicting feelings, Rey pushes herself off the wooden bar stool with her hands, keeping all her weight on her left foot. And then slowly, tentatively, she sets her right foot down on the floor, mentally preparing herself for a shock of pain. But it doesn’t come, or at least not in the way she expects. When her foots hits the ground, it’s relief she feels at the wave of hurt, like her body has been starving, and this its first sustenance in years. Rey even finds herself leaning on her right leg, watching the gush of blood coming from the blaster wound in fascination.  
    “Rey? Are you okay?” Kylo asks again, a sudden reminder that he’s still here.  
    “Yeah,” she finally answers back, squaring her shoulders with determination. Smiling at the sudden surge of strength that rushes through her, she whispers, “More than okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry that this chapter is so late. Final exams are coming up, so I'm not really sure when I'll be able to update again.  
> Btw, this is just the start of the action on Gabrion. Their escape is very...dramatic ;)  
> Thanks again for reading and commenting! It always makes my day!


	21. Alive

    The decision to climb down the terrace seemed like a good one at the time. After a few moments of deliberation, they had realized it was the only logical choice: a chance to escape the stormtroopers stationed at the front and back exits of the tavern, possibly sneak out to the ship without a fight. But now, staring down at the smoky, narrow alleyway below and clasping onto the metal railing with a clammy hand, Rey isn’t so sure anymore.   
    Kylo, who's already managed to get himself over the railing, is staring at her expectantly, a single curl hanging over his forehead. “Come on, it’s not that high.” He shoots her a cocky grin, hanging slightly off the bar like an adventurous child.   
    “I know,” Rey shoots back, annoyance thick in her voice. She’s a scavenger, born to climb dusty ship walls eroding underneath her hands, raised to understand the consequences of one wrong move. Kylo, of all people, should not be more comfortable climbing than her.   
    But for some reason she’s nervous about this, a three story drop—barely anything compared to the metal giants she clambered up as a child. Perhaps it’s her doubt in this whole “use the darkside” thing. Sure, it’s worked up until now. Taking the stairs two at a time up to the room they shared the night before, all she felt was a dull ache from her foot, and a kind of uncontainable strength radiating off the dark presence in her head. If she ignored the river of red, gushing blood pouring out of the wound, seeping through the strip of fabric Kylo had tightly wrapped around her foot, and the smell of singed flesh, Rey could probably trick herself into believing she hadn’t been shot at all.   
    But she knows she’s playing with fire right now, and climbing down a building is a whole different matter. If she lost control for a split second, if the darkness overwhelmed her or disappeared entirely, this day could get a whole lot worse. She wouldn’t be tripping and falling to the ground right underneath her feet, Kylo there to catch her, she would be plummeting to the streets below with nothing and no one to stop her fall.   
    Blowing out a shaky breath, Rey tightens her grip on the cool, metal railing and pulls herself over, turning around so she’s facing the wall. “I’m a scavenger, Kylo,” she says to the tall figure next to her. “I got this.”   
    Or at least she hopes she does.   
    Kylo grabs onto a pipe nearby, swinging himself off the terrace and away from any chance of turning back. Once he finds his footing on a small crevice in the wall, he slowly begins descending, so that all she can see is the dark curls on the top of his head. Chewing on her lip, she hangs off the railing halfway between the pipe and the terrace, attempting to find the courage she so desperately needs. But it's now or never, right? Survival doesn’t wait for anyone, not even her.   
    “I got this,” Rey whispers again, but this time with even more uncertainty.   
Then with a deep breath, she reaches out to grab the pipe, using her left foot to push off of the terrace. And for that split second just after her other hand lets go of the metal bars of the terrace, while her legs are still suspended in air, she’s flying. Nothing holding her back or stopping her from floating up into the sky. It was always her favorite moment when scavenging, that moment of anticipation, of exhilaration, of freedom. When it’s just her and her heartbeat and the sun beating down on her face and the gasp of air that fills her lungs just as her fingers clasp on to safety. Everytime she jumped and she made it, that she didn’t just let go, Rey’s always felt like she’s made some kind of choice. Because it would be so easy, to just fall. Especially when she was on Jakku, when her life was so lonely that she could barely breath. When the routine of daily life was slowly killing her, whittling away at her will to keep living. So when she did make it across and in a way, made the choice to live, she always felt stronger for it.   
    Oddly enough, right now, it still feels like a choice. Perhaps it’s because, despite all of the hardships she’s already faced, she knows that something worse lies below. That fighting, _living_ , is going to lead to a kind of hurt she doesn’t think she can bear.   
    But then the moment is over, and she’s on the other side, clutching the pipe desperately with shaky hands, a sigh of relief escaping her. The choice has been made, and although Rey’s incredibly glad for it, she can’t help but feel like she made the wrong one. Or maybe it’s the darkness, slowly taking over even her most private thoughts.   
    Pushing down the sickening realization, she starts her descent, following Kylo’s tall form down the side of the wall. Her hands and feet fly from crevice to crevice and from pipe to pipe, and once she finds her rhythm, it becomes almost more natural than breathing. Kylo sticks close to her, his head a few inches away from her feet as they move in synchronization. At one point, Rey gets too comfortable, stepping onto a foothold before testing it out first. The wall suddenly crumbles, giving out underneath her foot and sending debris flying down to the street below.   
    “Rey?” Kylo’s voice frantically calls from just below her.   
    Grunting, Rey scrambles to find a new foothold before she loses her grip on the pipe, her knuckles turning white as she desperately heaves herself up. “I’m okay,” she shouts back through gritted teeth. Just in time, she finds a new crack in the wall, and luckily it holds when she places her foot on it.   
    But besides that, their progression is slow but steady, her injured foot keeping them from going any faster. Everything is going perfectly. That is, until all of the sudden they hear the gravelly voice of a stormtrooper below.   
    “The alleyway is clear, sir. No signs of the fugitives.”  
    Holding her breath, Rey presses herself as hard as she can against the wall, desperately hoping the stormtrooper won’t notice them. _Keep quiet and don’t move_ , she hears Kylo say in her head. She does as told, freezing her muscles in their awkward climbing position despite the protest of her foot. For what feels like an eternity, they stay like that, Rey counting the beats of her racing heart.   
    “FN-3189 and I will report back to the division.” The click of a radio turning off, a pause, and the sound of heavy footsteps. Perhaps they’re in the clear? As much as she’d like to look down and check, she can’t risk the movement. Slowly, she opens her mouth, just about to-  
    But then the shuffle of footsteps are coming back towards them, and she hears the words she was dreading. “Wait! They’re here!”   
    Knowing that they’re already screwed, Rey glances over her shoulder, just in time to see the first stormtrooper raise his blaster. And then they’re being shot at, a furious storm of lasers ricocheting off the wall and whizzing by her ears. When one of them nearly hits her hand, she almost loses her grip on the pipe entirely.   
    Rey’s not about to sit here and got shot at, so she frantically starts climbing again, this time much faster and without any concern for her injured foot. Kylo, just underneath her, immediately matches her new pace. It's a game of luck, dodging the blaster shots, and hoping that the next hold her feet or hands find won’t instantly crumble away. Usually she would use the Force to guide her, but unlike the light, the darkness doesn’t seem to give a damn about her life.   
    Letting go of the wall with one hand, she targets the stormtrooper that clearly has a better aim, and uses the Force to push him across the street, his back hitting the concrete wall of the opposite building. Her eyes dart around the alleyway, trying to spot the other stormtrooper, but a near shot to her head forces Rey to duck and quickly keep descending.   
    “Shit,” she mutters. God, she can not _wait_ to get off this damn wall.   
    They’re nearly to the bottom, and she hears Kylo heavily land on the ground, jumping the rest of the way. Rey hops off just moments after him, immediately whipping around to face their attacker. But Kylo seems to already have it handled. With his red lightsaber ignited at his side, he charges at the remaining stormtrooper, almost instantly running him through. Usually Kylo’s violent actions would leave her sick to her stomach, but now she finds herself watching with fascination, oddly attracted to it, to him. The way his arm muscles tense just before he strikes, the look of pure strength in his eyes and the slight upwards curl of his lips, how he clenches his jaw as he pulls back his saber…he looks so incredibly _alive_. And she can’t express how bad she wants to feel the same way.   
    But then sense kicks in, and Rey knows that it’s not her who feels this way. It’s the darkness. And if she doesn’t sever all ties with it, run back into the embrace of the light, soon there may not be anything left of her. The longer she stays in the shadows of the darkside, the more control she loses over her thoughts, her feelings.   
    _Or maybe_ , a tiny voice whispers in her head, _the more your true thoughts and feelings are revealed._  
    Trying to ignore whatever the hell is happening in her head, Rey jogs towards Kylo, swearing to herself to never mention it to anybody. He glances over at her as she approaches, his eyes trailing down her body until they land on her foot.   
    “Are you still good?” he asks, taking a step toward her.   
    She follows his gaze, a wave of nausea overcoming her when she sees the bloody mess that is her right foot. It’s the oddest thing, knowing you should be in immense pain—seeing it with your own eyes—and yet feeling none of it. Still, she manages to give him a weak nod, biting back the sudden urge to throw up.   
    “I’ll heal that as soon as we get back to the ship, okay?” He gestures towards the wound, but doesn’t show the same disgust she feels. And that’s when Rey remembers that this is nothing in comparison to what she did to him on Starkiller Base, to what he had to face when he looked in the mirror.   
    Shaking the thought away, Rey follows Kylo as he starts to head toward the end of the alleyway, careful to ignore the sickening squishing sound her right foot makes every time she steps on it. “So what now?” She looks up at him through a few strands of hair that have escaped her ponytail.   
    “Those stormtroopers were probably just sent to scout the area, so we should stick to the plan,” he explains, as they quickly move through the narrow, smoky street. “Stay out of sight, avoid any kind of confrontation, get the hell off this damn planet.”  
    Rey nods once in agreement, happy that for once her and Kylo are on the same page. Together, they round the corner of the alleyway, heading back toward where she landed the ship. Her mind is already racing, calculating how long it’s going to take to get to _The Liberator_ , to Poe, wondering if their little shuttle can possibly make it pass First Order defenses. The silver-grey smog around them thickens, momentarily blinding them as they enter the next street. Squinting, she pushes through the cloud of smoke, her small hand finding Kylo’s just before they come back into the light of day.   
    It takes her eyes a split second to adjust, and when the world comes back into focus, it’s like they’ve entered some kind of dream world. A sea of white awaits them, lined up across the street in a human blockade, the sun glinting off their shiny armor. Stormtroopers. A lot of them.   
    Instantaneously, stormtroopers left and right raise their blaster, leaving not even a second to process what’s about to happen. And then her brain shuts off entirely, her body going into autopilot and sheer instinct taking hold. Just as the first shot rings out, she’s diving across the street, simultaneously using the Force to push Kylo to the opposite side. She lands on the ground, hard, the bursting blue light of a blaster shot barely missing her, whizzing so close that she can feel the crackling heat of the laser.   
    Sticking close to the ground, Rey practically drags herself the rest of the way, taking cover behind the corner of a concrete building. She spares a quick glance over to Kylo, unwilling to even think about fighting back until she knows he’s safe. Luckily, he’s managed to make it to the corner of the street on the other side, seemingly without any injury. She peeks a little farther out, trying to make sure that her suspicions are correct. But a laser shot hits the building she’s hiding behind and sends sparks flying, bringing Rey back to her senses. Ducking back in and pressing her body up as close as she can to the wall, she closes her eyes. How the hell is she supposed to get Kylo out of this? How is she supposed to even get herself out of this?  
    Listening to the sound of her panting breath, Rey knows deep down that there is only one way. Maybe because it’s logic, plain and simple: for one of them, this is a matter of something as trivial as freedom, while the other’s life is at stake. Or perhaps it’s because, although she doesn’t want to admit it, Kylo has become a part of her in a way she still can’t understand. And Rey is not willing to lose that part, not yet..maybe not ever. So she has to suck it up, and fight for what she wants.  
    Almost instantly, though, she hears Kylo is her head. _Don’t even think about it_ , he says, clearly picking up on her thoughts through the Force bond.   
    Biting back tears, her head falls back against the wall. God, she wishes it didn’t have to be this way. _I’m sorry_ , she whispers back. _But you’d do it for me._  
    _No. I won’t let you_. She can feel the desperation in his words. _Rey-_  
    But before he can finish, she musters all her remaining strength to shut off the fragile bridge between them, severing their mental connection. And suddenly he's gone, leaving an unimaginable hole in her head and heart. It takes everything she has to not let him back in, knowing what this is doing to them. Knowing that he may never forgive her for this.   
    Pushing herself up into a standing position, her hands find the cool metal of the hilt of her saber, unclipping it from her leather belt. She allows herself a single breath: in through the nose, out through the nose. Enough time to send a goodbye out into the galaxy, and hope that Kylo somehow hears it. And then she’s charging through the barrage of lasers, her saber a blue blur as she desperately defends herself. She’s moving faster than she ever thought she could, so fast that even if Kylo tried to stop her, he wouldn’t be able to catch up to her in time. Using the Force to throw a couple stormtroopers out of the way, she sprints through the new opening in the blockade and down the street. A quick glance over her shoulder confirms that her plan is working. Most of the stormtroopers are following her, awkwardly running in their clunky armor. If Kylo has any sense, he’ll use this chance to get out of here, to get to safety.   
    A sudden searing pain goes through her leg, no doubt a blaster shot, and Rey almost loses her balance entirely. Desperately, she reaches out to the darkness, letting it absorb the hurt and turn it into strength, until all she feels is a dull ache. She manages to make it to the corner of the next street, sporting a slight limp, before she has to stop to catch her breath. She can feel the darkness fading away, slipping through her fingers like sand. It doesn’t like the running, a coward’s move. It wants hurt, pain, anger, _death_.   
    Rey only has a moment to decide. For Kylo to escape, to provide enough of a distraction, she can’t get caught, not yet. And she’s not sure if she’s quite ready to give up on herself either. But to get any farther, she needs to get back her hold on the darkness. She needs to appease it.   
    Slowing slightly, she spins around on her heels, taking the stormtrooper right behind her by surprise. Her eyes squeeze shut, her body’s instinctive way of protecting her from what’s to come, as her saber stabs forward, straight into the stormtrooper’s chest. But she can’t help but open her eyes again, and when she does, a gasp of sheer horror escapes her. Because as her blue lightsaber pulls out of a now lifeless body, Rey doesn’t see a faceless stormtrooper, she sees Finn. His misguided past, his heroism, his laughter, his never ending optimism and friendship. And her destroying that all, snuffing out his light and leaving the world a darker, colder place.   
    Tears spill over her cheeks, and she quickly takes a few steps back, nearly tripping and falling in her panicked desperation. A few blaster shots just barely whiz by her, reminding Rey that she doesn’t have time for this, for _feeling_. Not right now. Turning away from the unmoving shiny, white armor crumpled on the ground, she frantically wipes at her eyes, trying to regain some semblance of her composure. At least the darkness seems to be pleased, an extra wave of strength coursing through her and fueling her feet as they carry her sprinting form down the narrow alleyway.   
    The image of Finn’s dead corpse never leaves her mind as she approaches a dead end, the smokey alleyway suddenly cutting off. She can hear the stormtroopers getting closer behind her, so she whips around, starting towards the street on her left, only to be greeted by more stark white armor. Panic crashes over her, and she stumbles back, feeling more and more like a caged animal. But her last escape is blocked as well, leaving her surrounded on all sides by stormtroopers.   
    As a young girl, she remember once being cornered by a group of thieves. She had sprinted through the marketplace, diving through tents and stands and going as fast as her small, skinny limbs could take her. But of course, they caught up, and she ended up with her back against a wall, trembling, scared beyond measure, surrounded by the tall shadows of Jakku bandits. There was no fight. She had handed over her scarce rations, without a word, and watched them leisurely walk away. In all her life, she has never felt more humiliated. More weak. Rey had promised herself then that she would never, ever, feel that way again.   
    “Surrender now,” a stormtrooper steps forward, his blaster trained on her.   
    But they both know that isn’t going to happen. Because she is keeping that promise to herself. Because she is _strong_.   
    Baring her teeth, Rey charges at the stormtrooper, slashing diagonally with the blue beam of her lightsaber. Catching him off guard, he has no time to defend himself before she strikes him down. But that’s about as far as she gets. A sudden pain shoots through her other leg, another blaster shot, and her body finally gives out underneath her. In what feels like slow motion, she collapses on to her knees, the circle of white armor closing in. Someone snatches her saber out of the steel grip of her hand, and she feels the cool metal of restraints being placed around her wrists. As she is violently pulled off the ground, a small smile creeps onto her face. Because she _knows_ , she knows that Kylo got away. Because she feels him to the very core of her being.   
    He’s still alive, and for now, that’s all that matters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovely Reylos!  
> Thank you so for being so patient. Hopefully this action-packed chapter was worth the wait :)  
> My exams are finally finished (yay!), but I'm traveling for summer vacation, so I'm not sure how much internet access I'm going to get. But I'm going to try my best to update as sopn as possible.   
> Thank you again for being the best readers and putting up with my crazy update schedule <3


	22. Worthy

    Rey has never felt quite this way before. Claustrophobic. Hunted. _Caged_. Even when Kylo captured her, there was something freeing, exhilarating about being around him, some sort of strange respect and understanding between them. Nothing like this.  
    The stormtrooper shoves her forward, keeping a tight grip on her upper arm. “Move.”  
    Rey snarls in turn, but reluctantly does as told, taking a painful step forward. A few drops of rain hit her forehead, and she stops in her tracks, glancing up and taking in the dark clouds above. It’s almost as if the planet, the galaxy, is crying for her. For what she’s lost. _God_ , she thought it would be different...this, everything. In Kylo’s arms last night, she had begun to let her mind wander, a dangerous thing to do when you live a life like hers. Expectations, dreams. For a scavenger, they can be a fate worse than death. But somehow, Rey had slipped up, let her guard down. And for a moment, she had imagined it: a future with Kylo. One where responsibilities and wars and names don’t define them. Where the first thing she sees every morning is his sleepy smile and messy curls, and she doesn’t have to feel guilty about it. Where their lips can meet and it can be just that. A kiss, nothing more and nothing less.   
    Rey knows that the idea is completely foolish, and that if… _when_ she rescues Poe, she has to be with him again. It’s just the way things are. The galaxy has made it clear that Kylo and her simply don’t belong together. But she just can’t get the thought out of her head, and now, being dragged away by the First Order, it haunts her.   
    A sudden jerk snaps her back into reality. “I said move, scavenger scum!”   
    Rey realizes that she still hasn’t taken another step, and biting back a snarky remark, she limps forward. The rain is pouring now, pelting her skin and leaving her cold and soaking wet. Through the misty haze of raindrops, she spots a white blaster clipped on to her captor’s belt. If given the right opportunity, could she somehow get it from him?  
    But that’s about as far as her train of thought gets, because suddenly the stormtrooper collapses onto the ground, a crackling laser blast hitting him straight in the chest. _What the hell?_ Her eyes dart up, and there, above a sea of white, is the shadowy form of Kylo Ren, crouching on the roof of the building to the right of her. Blue beams rain down as he fires the shiny silver blaster in his hand, taking out the stormtroopers nearest to her before they even have time to fire back. But she’s frozen in place, and all she can think is _he didn’t leave. He kept his promise._  
     A perfectly aimed shot hits the restraints on her wrist, the cool metal instantly falling away and startling Rey out of her trance. Her hands fumble at her side, trying to find the hilt of her saber, until she remembers that a stormtrooper snatched it away from her. Usually, it wouldn’t matter: her lightsaber is a merely a tool to focus her power, her true weapon is her connection to the Force. But now, her access to both the light and the darkness seems lost, farther out of reach than even escape. Blinking helplessly through the pouring rain, she catches a blur of Kylo’s dark form as he jumps off the nearest building, landing next to her. Almost faster than she can process, he tosses her the silver blaster, pushing her behind him and igniting his own lightsaber in one swift motion.   
    He catches her eye for only a moment, but it’s enough to convey everything: his relief that she’s still alive, his anger, frustration, disappointment, guilt. “Don’t move,” he grits out, and without another word, his tall figure turns away from her.  
    Kylo charges toward the sea of white in front of them, and for an instant Rey is overcome with how eerily beautiful the sight is. With his dark curls flying wildly in the wind, flashes of lightning illuminating his features for mere seconds at a time, and the violent red of his saber sizzling under the downpour, he looks like some kind of fallen angel exacting his revenge for damnation. Despite their sheer numbers, the sight of him alone is enough to scare a few of the stormtroopers away, the white of their shiny armor disappearing into the narrow streets ahead.   
    “Anyone else care to leave?” Kylo snarls, and although Rey can’t see his face, she can imagine it: his teeth bared, the corner of his lips curved upwards slightly in a cocky smile, his nostrils of his defined nose flaring, his eyes shining with exhilaration and power.   
    The first stormtrooper raises his blaster, and Kylo instantly takes a defensive position, shifting his weight to his back leg. The way his arm stiffens as he raises his lightsaber says it all: he’s done playing. Stormtrooper after stormtrooper raise their blasters, firing a furious storm of blue beams at Kylo. But he effortlessly defends himself, his saber a red blur as he twirls and spins it to meet each and every blaster shot. It reminds her of when they first met on Takodana, and now she understands that it’s a calculated move, a demonstration of power, a move to elicit fear. Step after step, he moves closer, his broad shoulders rapidly rising and falling with his ragged breath. _A monster._ That’s what she had thought at the time. She wonders if that’s what they’re thinking now.  
    Somehow, Kylo makes it to their line of defense, running through the closet trooper with his saber. Rey is still standing where he left her, frozen in place, mostly because she’s too awestruck to move, to even breath. She watches as he takes down a second stormtrooper, simultaneously parrying the never ending assault of blaster shots. A clap of thunder echoes through the air as he spins, just about to strike down a third, when a stray beam grazes his shoulder. A painful grunt escapes his dark form, and for her, it’s all it takes.   
    Sprinting forward despite the screaming protests of her injured legs, Rey fires at the stormtroopers, but this time without any feelings holding her back. She’s shooting to kill, and she knows it. And when her first shot lands it mark, hitting her target straight in the chest, she doesn’t see Finn, or even a stormtrooper. She just sees a body of plastic armor standing in between her and freedom. Between her and Kylo.   
    Side by side, they take down each stormtrooper, Kylo’s saber serving as both of their defense. He must know that there is something wrong, for her to be fighting without any use of the Force, but there’s no time or way to explain—their force bond is still fragmented, broken, like everything else inside of her. Rey shoots another trooper, but because of her poor aim, only manages to get him in the shoulder. Like instinct, Kylo finishes him off, slashing upwards from the abdomen to the chest and immediately whipping around to face his next opponent. But before he can, the remaining stormtroopers suddenly scatter, sprinting down the narrow road and away from the fight.   
    “What…” Rey manages to whisper through her panting breath. “What just happened?”  
    Kylo extinguishes his lightsaber, turning around to face her. His face is covered with sweat and rain and blood, his hair a wild mess. “We have to go, right now. They’re getting reinforcements so this is our only opportunity to...” His eyes trail down her body, widening when they reach her legs. “How are you still standing?”   
    Following his gaze, her breath hitches when she takes in the multiple blaster wounds, the burned flesh, the gushing blood. Her legs are trembling, the pain so unbearable that she can no longer feel them. Adrenaline, she imagines. The only power within her that she doesn’t need the Force for.   
    “I—” She starts, but it’s then, after everything, that they finally give out, her legs crumbling underneath her like sand in the wind.   
    Kylo is there instantly, his arms wrapping around her before she hits the ground. Hoisting her small form up, he cradles her against his strong chest, his eyebrows furrowing in desperation and helplessness. “Shit,” he mutters, his eyes darting away from hers and towards the street ahead.   
    She reaches up a trembling hand, her fingers tangling in his wild curls, now cool and wet to the touch. “Leave me,” she whispers hoarsely, practically begging, staring up at Kylo through the heavy rain. “Just...just leave me.”   
    But he isn’t listening to her, to her pitiful pleas. Instead his focus is somewhere else, his features suddenly taking on a certain determination. His eyes finally meet hers again. “No,” he says gruffly, so soft that she barely hears it. And then they’re moving, sprinting down the street, through the rain and the thunder and the lightning, towards an unclear destiny.   
    The next few minutes are a blur for Rey. Consciousness is beginning to slip through her fingers, the world coming in and out of focus as Kylo’s quick strides rock her back and forth. The pain is unbearable, pushing her towards a sea of darkness that she knows she’ll drown in. Rey needs something to tie her to the ground, to keep her from floating away, from escaping into unconsciousness. So she concentrates on him, letting the city buildings and claps of thunder and distant shouts fade away. She concentrates on his full lips, pulled back resolutely to expose his teeth, his breath: short, desperate puffs, mingling with the misty air. She concentrates on his smell, an oddly perfect mix of leather and smoke and a wild forest in the dead of winter, partially lost in the rainfall but just as distinct.   
    A sudden noise startles her, and glancing ahead, she spots two stormtroopers. She can feel it, Kylo’s hesitation. This would normally be a simple flight or fight decision, an instinctive choice, but now he has her to worry about. An impossible burden cradled in his arms. But before he can decide what to do, without her permission, her hand raises the shiny silver blaster she’s still desperately clutching, her fingers squeezing the trigger once, twice. She doesn’t even see the body fall. Because Kylo is whipping around, heading down another alleyway, and they’re running, running, running, away from the boots pounding against pavement behind them.   
    The path narrows, the building’s around them growing in height, and when Rey sees the sight in front of them, a sigh of relief escapes her. She knows this place. The intersection where she landed the shuttle. The question is, is it still there? Her eyes dart around the small street, searching for the ancient, worn out ship. But she doesn’t see it. She doesn’t see it.   
    But then Kylo suddenly turns, and there it is. The rusty hunk of metal that’s about to save their lives again. Rey can’t help but laugh at how ironic this all is, although it ends up coming out more like a strangled cough, mixing with her quiet sobs of joy. Kylo starts sprinting towards the ship, the sounds of the stormtroopers behind them growing louder. They’re almost home free, so close she can practically taste freedom on her tongue.   
    A blaster shot hits the side of the shuttle, sparks flying as it hits the metal of the left wing. Kylo slows slightly, tucking her head into his chest to protect her from the falling laser debris. But she pushes against him. The ship can’t take anymore damage, not if they want to get the hell out of here. She has to do something. Wrapping one arm around his neck, Rey pulls herself up, so her head is peeking out from over his broad shoulder. With gritted teeth, she aims the blaster at the stormtroopers on their tail, firing as fast as her finger can squeeze the trigger. But it’s not enough. The ship is hit again, this time near the door to the cockpit. And because of her focus on protecting the ship, she misses a lone stormtrooper until it’s too late, his blaster aimed at Kylo’s tall, sprinting figure.   
    “Duck!” She screams desperately at Kylo over the rumbling thunder, only managing to shoot down the trooper until he’s already fired.   
    Luckily, he listens, quickly stooping down and just barely dodging the blaster shot. And then they’re running again. Hoisting her up, he repositions her small form in his arms, Rey grimacing at the shock of pain that goes through her legs. But the entrance to the ship is front of them now, and Kylo yanks open the heavy metal door, quickly heading inside. Without a word, he slams the door shut behind them, setting Rey down as gently as possible on the nearest bench. In a blink, he disappears into the cockpit. And before she knows it, she’s completely alone, left with nothing but the sound of her own shallow breath.   
    The stormtroopers outside are still firing at the shuttle, the room around her shaking with the force of their blasts. If they don’t get off this damn planet, _now_ , soon there won’t be anything left of the ship. As if Kylo read her mind, the ship suddenly comes alive, the lights above flickering on and the machinery below humming with power.   
    “Hold on!” Kylo shouts from the cockpit, his voice muffled by the distance between them and the sounds of thunder outside. Well, thunder, _or_ the ship being ripped apart—she’s not sure.   
    And then she feels the shuttle taking off, up into the air. However, the damage sustained from the stormtroopers has definitely impacted its ability to fly. She’s nearly thrown off the bench as it tilts from side to side, dropping back down to the ground. To make matters worse, another blast hits them, the metal walls shaking with the force of it’s impact. Following a string of curse words from the cockpit, warning signals from all over the shuttle begin to go off, their shrill cries echoing through the small room and invading Rey’s ears.   
    But just in time, the little ship stabilizes, picking up altitude as they jet away from the smoky streets of Gabrion, from the colorful cantina that for one night, felt like safety, and from the First Order. Rey drags herself to the nearest window, and uses her hand to wipe away the fog blanketing the glass. Just before they get above the tall metal buildings, something catches her eye: a man, donned in black clothing so he stands out from the crowd of white, with fiery red hair and cold, unfeeling eyes. He seems to spot her too, and oddly enough, a sly smile creeps onto his face, a gloved hand reaching up and waving at her as if to say _this was all a part of the plan._   
    And then they’re flying through the dusty red sky, the ominous figure disappearing with the rest of the capital of Gabrion. Rey rests her head against the cool metal wall behind her, willing the feeling of relief to wash over her. But it doesn’t. The red-headed man has left a pit in her stomach, one she can’t seem to get rid of. And worse still, she knows that this nightmare is far from over. In truth, it’s really just begun.  
    Chewing on her lower lip, Rey finally works up the courage to glance down at her legs. Blood has mixed with rain, leaving her once clean, beige trousers a soggy red mess. One blaster wound is merely a graze, burning a hole through the pant leg of her trouser and singing the skin of her thigh, but not leaving any too serious damage. The same can not be said, however, for the other. The wound on her left calf is the cause of most of the blood, the remaining skin charred like a piece of meat placed too long over a fire. Biting back the urge to throw up, her eyes dart away, instead landing on the door to the cockpit. She can’t help but wonder what Kylo will do, what he’ll say when he comes out. And what will she say to make him understand that what she did was necessary, that it was the only choice?  
    She doesn’t have to wonder for long, though, because the rusty cockpit door suddenly opens with a loud creak, Kylo’s tall figure stepping through. His dark curls are still a wild mess, his shirt soaked through and clinging to the firm muscles of his chest. Without a word, he crosses the room, grabbing the left behind medkit sitting on one of the metal shelves. Then he kneels down next to her, his hands finding the pant leg of her khaki trousers, his fingers starting to tear away the rough fabric with almost too much force.   
    Grimacing, Rey finally works up the courage to speak. “Kylo, I—”  
    “What the hell were you thinking?” he shouts before she can get another word out. “Were you trying to get yourself killed?”  
    _At least it’s better than the silent treatment_. Sighing, she starts again. “Look, I was just—”   
    But he cuts her off again, this time with even more rage in his voice. “You were reckless and stupid, and they almost caught you because of it! If you had just waited a few more moments, I could’ve gotten us out of there. We would’ve escaped _together_ , as promised.” Standing up, he shakes his head back and forth, his breath growing more and more ragged. “But no. You had to go and play self sacrificing hero. For me. For _me_.”   
     Taking a deep breath, he runs a hand through his wet curls. “Don’t you understand, Rey? I’m not worth saving.” His voice is hoarse, so desperately sincere that it sends shivers down her spine. “I’m a monster, just like you said. I’ve stolen. I’ve lied. I’ve murdered. I’ve done things so terrible they can’t even be put to words.” His pitch black eyes meet hers, and he takes a small step closer. “But you...you are good. Pure. _Light_. I know I don’t deserve to be with you right now. Maybe someday, a long time from now, I might be deserving. But I am certainly not, and never will, be worthy of your life.”   
    Kylo takes a seat next to her on the bench, careful to keep his distance. “When you ran straight for the stormtroopers,” he says softly, “I thought I’d never see you again. I thought I had lost you forever. And if I had, if they had taken you, I would never have been able to forgive myself.” He sighs, looking down at his hands. “I...I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself.”   
    Tentatively, Rey shifts closer to him and reaches out a hand, her fingers finding the cool skin of his cheek. “Kylo...” She carefully brushes away a few stray curls, looking deep into his eyes. “You are not a monster.”   
    Leaning forward, she glances down at his full lips, barely a breath away. And then without a second thought, she closes the distance, breaking every rule, every promise she made to herself. For a moment, they’re both frozen, the feeling of Kylo’s lips on hers enough to make Rey question if this is really happening, or if she’s somehow imagining this. But then his hand tangles in the hair at the nape of her neck, and he kisses her back desperately, as if at any moment she could disappear. Sighing, she leans into his touch, her hands getting lost in his curls, roaming his cheeks, his neck, his back. He tastes like dancing in the middle of a thunderstorm. Like the moment before the sun sets, and the whole world is on fire with color. Like diving headfirst over a cliff, and somehow finding you can fly. He tastes like...coming home.   
    Deepening the kiss, she clutches on to his shoulder, trying to ground herself, to not lose herself entirely in this moment, in him. But it’s too late for that now. She’s completely lost control, in the best kind of way, and one of her hands slip down his neck, down to his chest. His racing heartbeat pounds against her palm, and for an instant, she’s overcome with need. They’re still too far away, there’s still too much between them, and Rey wants to cross that distance, cross every boundary between them. She pulls her leg up to crawl into his lap, only to be met with a searing, burning pain. _Shit_. Somehow, she had totally forgotten about her injuries. Grimacing, she pulls back, reluctantly breaking the kiss.   
    Trying to catch her breath, Rey lets her hands fall back into her lap, her eyes slowly opening again. “I’m sorry,” she eventually whispers. “For running away, for getting scared, for not trusting you...for everything.”   
    Kylo slowly nods, his head falling back against the wall behind them. “I’m sorry, too.” And then, to her surprise, he chuckles. “Who knew, huh? A scavenger and the Master of the Knights of Ren.”  
    Rey smiles back, a sort of peace coursing through her. “Who knew.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So, first off, I'm super sorry for the ridiculous break between this chapter and the last one. My summer vacation has been super crazy (I visited 6 of the 10 Canadian provinces over 7 weeks) and I've had very little access to internet.   
>  So here's the deal: in a little over 2 weeks I'm heading off to boarding school. Once I'm there I'm probably not going to have any time to continue writing fan fiction. If you guys want, I can try to finish up the story in the time I have left, but I need to know if enough people are interested. If not, I'll just leave the story here on this chapter, which I think feels hopeful enough to serve as a sort of temporary ending.   
>  Anyways, let me know your thoughts in the comments! :)


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